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This is preferable

by Mir on October 22, 2011 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony, What do I do all day?

What I really, really want to do right now is go on a long and indignant rant about a particular teacher at the middle school. BUT I AM A GROWN UP. So I merely complained about it on Facebook, instead, and here I am going to talk about oatmeal. As adults do.

See how MATURE and RESTRAINED I am? Don’t be envious, it took me YEARS to become this refined.

Instead I am going to tell you about how this week Hippie School had a Medieval Festival, and we parents were treated to various delights including a swordplay tournament, dance demonstrations, and various other medieval things. And of course, we were tasked with providing various medieval foods. I agreed to bring “porridge,” which meant I brought a huge crock pot filled with steel-cut oats. Which no one ate. It turns out that—while porridge is medieval—so is roast chicken and apple pie, so, um, yeah. (more…)

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Comments { 20 }

Random things, only slightly germy

by Mir on October 19, 2011 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Oh look! Something furry!!

If I had some magical blog-glue I could probably cobble all of this together into a cohesive post, but I don’t. Oh well!

I came home from my travels and waited for the inevitable I-spent-hours-on-an-airborne-metal-tube-filled-with-other-people’s-germs illness to settle in, but then spent a couple of days patting myself on the back for remembering to take my Vitamin C, because I had FINALLY escaped that particular fate. Only, now there’s some weird bug going through Monkey’s school that Monkey clearly has and I spent a day going, “Do I have it? Am I just making myself sick psychosomatically? I’m fine. I’m sure I’m fine. Oh, wait. I’m not fine.” Said bug is a very mild stomach thing, hence the confusion. (Also: Not complaining. I would rather have an intermittent stomachache than, say, projectile spewage that is in no way ambiguous.) I should probably stop kissing my kids, huh?

In related news: Monkey actually NOTICED and SHARED that he wasn’t feeling well, so it’s been a carnival of “You say your stomach hurts? WOO HOO!” all up in here and at school. (That’s what happens when your kid usually just lays on the floor with a fever of 105 and insists he feels fine.) (more…)

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Comments { 27 }

Weekends were made for… um… what?

by Mir on October 10, 2011 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Every week I look forward to the weekend with ever-increasing fervor as the days march on. Because the week is so chaotic! And I’m so tired! And I cannot wait to sleep in and lie around the house and do nothing!

AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

You would think that after all these years of having even MORE stuff to do on the weekends, it would eventually occur to me that it’s a fallacy. Weekends are a change of scene, sure, but half the time I don’t get to sleep in, and even when I do, there’s still kids to shuffle around and projects around the house and all sorts of other things that Need Doing. And it’s not all that restful. SURPRISE!

That doesn’t necessarily mean it can’t be entertaining, though. (more…)

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Comments { 30 }

Five good things on Friday

by Mir on October 7, 2011 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony

1) Chickadee is still doing well on her new, dye-free medication. Today was the first blood test and the tech was so good, she didn’t even feel the needle. (Okay, technically that’s two things. Deal with it.)

2) Today I sent out a panicked I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE THIS AUCTION SINGLEHANDEDLY email to the head of our PTA (translation: Please help!) and the next four businesses I approached for donations all happily ponied up. I keep reminding myself that it’s for the children. GIMME ALL YOUR GIFT CERTIFICATES, IMMA GO SELL THEM FOR PENCILS.

3) Monkey had a great day at school today and was invited to sleep over at Lemur’s tomorrow night. The boys don’t see each other nearly as much as they used to now that they’re at different schools, so YAY!

4) Every time I go to a conference there’s always a last-minute I NEED ITEM X wardrobe crisis (why is that?) and this time I managed to run out of time to shop online for a suitable pair of shoes. So I had to go to an actual STORE at the MALL and it was dreadful. Except for the part where I found some killer shoes, on sale, at the first store I went to. I am now ready to travel next week. Maybe. Did I mention they’re, um, about 5″ tall? Stay tuned for broken ankle stories.

5) The pool is closed, and no one fell in or even swore a lot while we put the cover on this year. Otto said to me, “We’re getting good at this.” I agreed, and mentioned that I sure like hanging around with him, so he went on to say, “We should get married or something. So we can hang out more often.” He is smart.

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Comments { 16 }

Teen vision

by Mir on October 5, 2011 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

We don’t see Chickadee very much, lately. Between band and other activities—not to mention her strong desire to get as far away from her embarrassing parents as possible—I feel like I’m lucky to get five minutes with her in a day.

The bad news is that I kind of miss her, and I despair of her room ever actually getting cleaned up.

The good news is that it’s a lot harder to get into an argument when we barely see each other, plus she seems happier to be around us for these short bursts, too. I’m sure that has nothing to do with the fact that I’m usually either feeding her or doing her laundry, or Otto is driving her somewhere or giving her money. Ahem.

The best part, though, is the random little declarations and interactions we’re treated to these days. Just the same way that babies are cute so that their mothers won’t EAT THEM when they won’t stop crying, teenagers are entertaining so that their parents won’t boot them out and change the locks when they’re being all… teenagery. (more…)

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Comments { 35 }

Poisoning your child for fun and profit

by Mir on September 21, 2011 in Health is overrated, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

(The title of this post is a complete lie. There is no profit in poisoning your child which I can figure out, though if there were, I would be ALL OVER THAT, pronto.)

I’ve been thinking I may need a completely separate space to discuss Chickadee’s mystery skin condition—I’ll call it As The Rash Spreads, natch—because it occurs to me that normal people may not actually find my (*counting on my fingers*) four years of endless blather about biopsies and medications and sun sensitivity and whatnot all that fascinating. I KNOW, RIGHT? I mean, what’s NOT entertaining about a cranky child with undiagnosed, pervasive creeping crud? But still, I should maybe take it somewhere else.

Today is not the day that’s happening, though. Sorry. Because this week we went back to Emory (again!) and have a New Plan (again!). And I just know you want to hear every last sordid detail. (more…)

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Five (modified) good things on Friday

by Mir on September 16, 2011 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Health is overrated, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

1) Monkey has a nasty sinus infection. I figured out that Monkey has a nasty sinus infection. On the way to the doctor this morning, Monkey piped up from the back seat: “Hey, I don’t feel good.” Then we did a little high-five, because YES! Other people, when they have sinus infections, they always realize they don’t feel good! This is progress in our (sensorily-disordered) world. Yay!!

2) I was super productive today. I had a nap.

3) I’ve been granted a reprieve from the plague of teen attitude until at least tomorrow. I am grateful that my wonderful daughter loves marching band so much, and also that for away games they apparently lure the kids in right after school with pizza, and keep them there until it’s time to go.

4) Monkey and Mario are singing songs about butts in my kitchen right now. I am always grateful with my son has a friend. But I am so, so grateful that Mario is a really nice kid and that he and Monkey are enjoying each other so much. Plus I’m eternally grateful to Mario’s mom for introducing us to Hippie School.

5) I totally lied. There are only four things. I’m perfectly content with these four things, it turns out. Sinus infection and all.

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Comments { 13 }

St. Martyr of Stabby

by Mir on September 15, 2011 in My name is Grumplestiltskin, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

There is a list of things I carry around in my head, and I may not refer to it or think of it all that often, but it is labeled, “Things I Will Never Do As A Parent Because It Bugged The Everlovin’ CRAP Out Of Me When My Parents Did It.” (Sorry, Mom and Dad.)

I don’t think this is unusual. Most parents I know have a similar list. Its biggest hallmark, of course, is that half of the items on the list are things we’ve already done, because HELLO, a lot of the stuff we hated as kids we perpetuate as parents because it’s actually the stuff that makes sense, no matter how irritating it is to be on the receiving end. Growing up and becoming the Responsible Person In Charge has a way of obliterating certain assumptions, it turns out.

Still. There’s a list. With things on it. Things I really don’t want to do because I know they are the fast track to Sucksville, both for my kids and for me as a parent. And that is why I have spent the bulk of today biting my tongue. (more…)

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Comments { 40 }

I spy

by Mir on September 14, 2011 in Aspi(e)rations, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

One of the things we were asked, upon enrolling Monkey at Hippie School, was if we would be willing to come in do little presentations to the group on our work. I assume this is a standard question, but because Otto and I are super fantastic (and, okay, FINE, because he’s a photographer and I’m a writer and the school starts production of their newspaper first thing), we were slated for the first two guest spots.

Otto went in last week, and when Monkey and Mario tumbled into the house that afternoon, I asked them how they enjoyed his talk. Both boys immediately fell to making chimp noises and pantomiming chimping, so I was able to conclude that they’d paid at least a little attention. When Otto got home, later, I asked him how it went and he said it was fine. “Some of the kids kind of wandered off, but it was okay,” he said.

I was a little nervous, headed in today, but I figured at the very least, the half hour between our arrival and when I was actually slated to talk would be an interesting peek into Monkey’s day. (more…)

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Comments { 27 }

Forward

by Mir on August 31, 2011 in Aspi(e)rations, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

So after one glorious week of “SCHOOL IS AWESOME!” and “THIS IS THE GREATEST SCHOOL EVER!” I had finally begun to unclench, a little.

Turns out that the honeymoon ended this week, though. On Monday, Monkey came home a little less excited than the previous week, and suddenly he was listing various transgressions he felt had been committed against him, and noting that “some of these kids really seem to have some problems,” which, you know, Pot, is terribly interesting about Kettle and all, but….

And then yesterday I got a phone call. As soon as I realized it was school, I’m pretty sure every muscle in my body just seized.

“We are only calling because Monkey really wanted to, and I hope that’s okay,” the voice on the other end of the line told me, as I could hear Monkey sputtering with rage in the background. (more…)

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Comments { 46 }
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