October 24, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Many thanks to everyone who took the time to share in the last post how they handle kids and activities and arranging bread on their skulls while laying on the floor. I really enjoyed reading the array of responses, and confess that it was a relief for me to read that my kids aren’t the only ones activity-hopping. I guess I have concerns about them never finding their “thing,” (or, alternatively, giving up on the thing that they’re actually quite adept at—swimming is the first sport Chickadee’s shown real potential in, and her reaction is a resounding “whatever”), but yes, of course, y’all made me realize that at this age, flitting around is the right way to go.

In fact, when they get home from school today, I’m going to tell them that I was just kidding when I told them to “get a job,” earlier. Chickadee spent a couple of hours polishing her resume, true, but I think they’ll be relieved.

Anyway, I was just making some pizza dough, and realized I wanted to talk about food. (more…)

October 21, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Ottomatic For the People

Although the few natives I’ve met ’round here have made it painfully clear that I will forever and always be a YANKEE (said with either a touch of disdain or, alternatively, a healthy dollop of incredulity, as if declaring me to have four extra toes), the time has come to admit that I have become a southerner in one very important respect: I can no longer handle Winter.

The irony here is plentiful, seeing as how my hysterectomy has greatly decreased my tolerance for extreme heat and has me perpetually teetering on the edge of a hot flash. I knew this before I moved to one of the hottest states in the nation, of course. [In fact, I like to bring it up now and then and dangle it in Otto's face as proof of my undying love for him, that I moved my broken-thermostat-ed self to the fiery pit of hell JUST FOR HIM, but this always backfires because actually, I like it here more than he does and he'd be happy to move back up north (job situation permitting). Then I feel dumb for having started in.]

Anyway. Winter has arrived. (more…)

October 20, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Having the parental units in-house is a marvelous experience that makes me yearn for those days of yore when multiple generations shared a dwelling as a matter of course. Back then I’m sure that everyone got on everyone else’s nerves and someone was always pounding on the bathroom outhouse door screaming that they needed to get in, HURRY UP, but from here I can paint a picture of total domestic bliss worth coveting.

(Not that I’ve ever been known to distort the facts to suit my fancy. Nuh uh.)

And now everything will go back to normal—back to school, back to work, back to meals being an unremarkable affair around our little kitchen table instead of a giant feast at the dining room table while we all remark on HOW BEAUTIFUL the room is, ESPECIALLY THE PLASTER, and then everyone has another serving of Endless Food and then (naturally) there is dessert, afterwards. (more…)

October 15, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", My name is Grumplestiltskin

I think it’s a testament to my GROWTH as a peaceful and centered human that I have neither maimed nor belittled anyone (to their face, anyway) in our current school district. Why, just last year, what’s happening right now would’ve caused my head to explode in a stunning geyser of expletives and indignation! Instead, I am “gathering information” and “working through the proper channels” and “drinking a lot.”

And bitching to you, of course.

(Also, I am not drinking a lot. My mother once told me that anyone reading my blog would assume I’m a heavy drinker, but I beg to differ. Anyone reading this blog on a regular basis surely knows that my drug of choice is Ben & Jerry’s.)

Let me see if I can explain this without diagrams. (more…)

October 13, 2008 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

I don’t know that I have ever laughed so hard in my entire life as I did at the many and varied responses to my double mystery post this weekend. First of all, y’all have some excellent costume ideas (cereal killer! HAAAAA!!) for sure. And a trip to Goodwill yielded a boy-sized… well, it’s not a trenchCOAT, but it is sort of a trenchJACKET, plus it wins the thumbs-up by virtue of having The Right Price, which in this case was $2.30. He desperately wants to wear sunglasses, but I am JUST THINKING that may not work for nighttime trick-or-treating, so the ol’ fake-glasses-and-moustache may be the way to compromise.

(And that will be even MORE fun because everyone knows the only thing cuter than a little boy dressed up as a spy is a little GIRL dressed up as a spy, and Monkey was mistaken for a girl EVERYWHERE we went this weekend. When I asked him if it bothered him, he said, “Nah. People are silly.” And if I could bottle THAT right there, friends, I’d be rich.)

So: Halloween is a go. As for the puddle in the kitchen… (more…)

October 11, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony

When I got up this morning, I walked into the kitchen and stepped in a puddle in front of the kitchen sink.

(This is rarely a good way to start the day.)

In our case, though, it turned out to be less annoying and more extremely perplexing—investigation revealed the puddle to be some sort of cleaning fluid (I suspect the sort of “general cleaner” I sometimes buy by the jug), but we cannot figure out the source. I mean, in front of the sink, there, I expected either some sort of catastrophic plumbing issue or a bottle in the under-sink cabinet gone capsized. And… nothing. We can find nothing. I can’t even find a bottle that matches the smell, anywhere. Nor was there a trail from under the sink, indicating a spill from within. It was simply a self-contained puddle of cleaner. (more…)

October 6, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

It seemed like I sort of struck a nerve in this post where I talked about trying to avoid High Fructose Corn Syrup in the foods I choose to feed my family. I always find that sort of thing interesting, because the HFCS thing was really a sidebar to my main point in that post (which was, I think, “insurance companies and doctors’ offices make me want to eat my own face”), plus I did not (that I noticed, anyway) say, “HFCS bad! If you feed it to your kids or eat it yourself, you’re a filth-encrusted whoremongering minion of the devil!” And yet the urge to justify one’s choices is human nature, I guess, and so responses to that post pretty much fell into one of four categories:

1) “You are so right, Mir! Corn syrup is evil and so hard to avoid! ACK!”
2) “You are so right, Mir! Corn syrup is evil, and that’s why we consume lots of aspartame and sucralose, instead, because I prefer chemicals to genetically-modified corn! ACK!”
3) “You are a whiny alarmist, Mir! Corn syrup never hurt anyone! Why don’t you go hug a tree, you filthy hippie!”
4) “LALALALALALAAAAAA! I can’t HEEEEEAR you!” (more…)

October 3, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Retail Therapy

I love Fridays. It’s the one day of the week I allow myself some unstructured time. Monday through Thursday, it’s all work while the kids are in school. And Saturday and Sunday, all family. But generally I can sneak a few errands in on Friday before the kids get home.

Today I needed to go to the post office, because for SOME reason when I give prizes away on Want Not people actually expect me to mail them out, or something. I don’t know. People are so DEMANDING. And although I have all the makings of a home office here in my, uh, home office, I do need to leave the house to do that. (Dear Stamps.com: Your software is incompatible with Macs. You are therefore compatible with extreme suckage. Love, Mir.)

And as long as I was headed out, I thought perhaps I’d go run some other errands. And seeing as how it’s been rather nippy here, in the mornings, suggesting that cold weather is indeed coming, I decided to go shopping for some pants. (more…)

September 29, 2008 | Health is overrated, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

I miss the olden times.

Oh, not the REALLY olden times, like when you ate what you grew or killed yourself, because that seems fairly messy and also girls weren’t allowed to wear pants. That just seems like a drag. But I mean the halcyon days of middle America when every modern invention was fabulous and nobody knew or cared that it might not exactly be good for you. Sugar cereal? YUM YUM! Canned veggies with cups of salt in ‘em? DELICIOUS!

And as for things like medications… well, if your kid had allergies or whatever, you didn’t have to get special medicine for it. Silly! You just gave them a spoonful of cod liver oil or honey or maybe you gave him a shot of brandy, I DON’T KNOW, but it all just seems like it was a lot easier. (more…)

September 23, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Before starting this off I’d like to take a minute, again, to thank each and every one of you who bid on my Wii auction to benefit my kids’ school. I really thought, when I put that post up, that I might very well end up with $20 and a hearty smack to the forehead (my own, for being dumb, you see), so it really warmed my heart that y’all were so generous.

Also, our PTA president specifically asked me to pass along her thanks, as well, which was very nice because I am still feeling a little overwhelmed with the new knowledge that the entire group is apparently reading my blog now. *waving weakly*

With that, I give you our GORGEOUS winner: Naomi, who is also half of the duo behind Rock-N-Tot. Naomi totally proved her rockstar cred by bidding $375, and our little Title 1 school will be receiving every dollar of her bid. Thank you so much, Naomi! You are SUPER PRETTY! (more…)