January 11, 2008 | Health is overrated, Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

It is possible to be a Stanford-educated professional-type adult, to spend half the morning pondering—once again—how it’s really time to figure out how to incorporate an exercise routine into your life, because you’re too sedentary, after all, plus those pesky ten pounds don’t seem to be losing themselves (go figure), and to simultaneously vow, as well, to start eating better, YOU REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME, because you’re getting older and it’s important, sheesh, woman, it’s time to make your health a priority…

… and to then look up a sinful chocolate cake recipe online because you’re joining friends for dinner and told them you’d make dessert and hey, everyone loves chocolate cake!

January 8, 2008 | Health is overrated

How can you top bringing the Mythbusters home? Why, with a fruitless day of searching for a simple item, of course!

Once upon a time, I had vision insurance. Vision Service Plan, or VSP for short. VSP and I were good friends. Oh, hell… VSP and I may have been more than friends. We snuggled on the couch and I whispered sweet nothings into his ear when he caused my glasses to cost me just $20 or so out of pocket. Oh, VSP! How I miss you!

Needless to say, I no longer have VSP. Haven’t for years, in fact. But thanks to the magic of having a second income in the house, now, I went for new glasses in December for the first time in years. It was very exciting! Because I’d forgotten what it’s like to be able to see! (more…)

December 28, 2007 | My name is Grumplestiltskin, Health is overrated

… until somebody ruptures an eardrum!

(What, your family doesn’t have that rule?)

Oh, I kid. No one has a ruptured eardrum. I just WISH I had a ruptured eardrum.

So, um, remember that cold I had? My cold that was getting better? My cold that suddenly sensed I was over a thousand miles from home and decided to morph into FORM OF: EAR WEASEL and commence throbbing and itching and generally making me wish for death? Yeah, that cold. I hate that cold.

Why yes, I DO believe that cold knows I’m away from home and also, you know, not generally a fan of the sensation of a creature trying to nibble its way to my brain via the ear canal. Because colds are bitches like that. (more…)

December 18, 2007 | Health is overrated, Job? Huh?

Today I am busy bemoaning the fact that I am sick (it was just a little cold until I wrote about it yesterday, at which point the fickle hand of fate gave me a mighty FLICK towards it being something much stronger and yuckier), and this morning after I got the kids off to school I sat down to work. And after about ten minutes, our internet went out. I am tired and cranky and hopped up on Sudafed, so I did the only logical thing: I whined until Otto said he’d take care of it.

He poked and prodded in our office, and then decided that it was indeed the cable company’s fault, nothing we’d done or any sort of hardware problem here. So he called them up.

I listened as he grew more and more aggravated, wading through their various menus. (more…)

December 14, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Health is overrated

A few years ago I was getting new glasses for Chickadee—whose ocular health I attend to with a smothering level of unwavering attention, owing to the pediatric ophthalmologist who saw her when she was a wee tot and assured me that it was good we were there, otherwise she MIGHT HAVE GONE BLIND in that one wonky eye of hers—and it occurred to me that MY glasses were sort of old. So I browsed around and found some frames I liked and when the optician asked if I had a current prescription I said—because my health is important, y’all—”Well, I can see okay out of these ones I’m wearing now. Can you get the prescription off of them?” And he did.

As a result, I am walking around in a prescription that is around six years old. I don’t want to get all technical on you, but in optical parlance that’s considered IDIOTIC, and so it came as a surprise to no one except me when I started having a lot of trouble seeing these last few months. But after endless weeks of squinting at the computer screen and daily headaches, I ran right out to see the eye doctor. (more…)

December 12, 2007 | Health is overrated

So, in the last post, there, someone left a comment that said something along the lines of “GEEZ, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TELL US WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR ULTRASOUND?” And I felt all warm and fuzzy, because I realized that you truly care. Or at least that I’ve reached my goal of being so completely inappropriate and shameless that now when I don’t regularly update you on my boobs, you start to worry.

(My breasteses; let me show you them.)

I actually forgot to write about it because the whole thing was so anti-climactic, and also because I have been busy, you know, with things other than my mammaries. I have been, um, curing world hunger! And educating the downtrodden! And looking at faucets! And buying stuff at Amazon! (more…)

December 6, 2007 | Health is overrated

I can’t believe I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU about this. Heck, I almost forgot to tell Otto. It’s called REPRESSION, people. It’s a wonderful coping mechanism. I use it all the time. Like… ex-husband? What? I don’t recall.

(See how that works? It’s awesome.)

Anyway, some of you noticed that I told you all about my excellent adventure in the MRI machine a few weeks back but then didn’t post a follow-up. This is not because I don’t love you (because I do! I love you! each of you! and especially you, there, in the back!), but because I didn’t have any information to share.

Yes. You read that correctly. I had a breast MRI for “something suspicious” nearly three weeks ago, and the feedback was… nothing at all. (more…)

November 19, 2007 | Health is overrated

So, I don’t know if I mentioned this before or not, but once upon a time I had this thing? With my boobs? And if I use a lot of question marks it will be incredibly annoying but seem less important? But the Cliff Notes version is that I had a lump removed from my left breast (not cancer), and while they were figuring all of that out, they discovered something else in my right breast (also not cancer) which they decided they wanted to track.

My boobs, let me show you them. They are FASCINATING. (And by “show you them” I of course mean “talk about them ad nauseum.”)

Well, I went and saw a new ladybits doctor who is quite interested in my boobs. Naturally. (more…)

September 19, 2007 | Health is overrated

I am having a VERY EXCITING WEEK! Why, just yesterday I went and had my hair cut for the first time in three months. I contemplated writing an entry about the whole dilemma—having painstakingly grown out my short layers only to discover that once the hair reaches my neck I start feeling like a muppet is roosting atop my head, wanting to go short(er) again but not TOO short, going to the stylist and saying “have at it” and not being entirely sure what exactly she did because then she dried it straight and WHO KNOWS what it will look like when I wear it curly again—but then I realized that it’s possible that no one cares as much about the state of my hair as I do.

(Oh, the irony of a blogger realizing that ANYTHING is only interesting to her. Ha!)

So instead of talking about my hair, we can delve right into TODAY’s adventure, which was going to see a new gynecologist! Because that’s totally of interest to everyone! (more…)

September 6, 2007 | Health is overrated, The Year of Living Changerously

Dude, yesterday was like Christmas. New computer! New iPod! New scanner/printer/copier thing that may or may not also julienne vegetables!

My wee little mind, it is blown.

Anyway, I have to remain Very! Excited! about all of this, to help lessen the reaction I will have when the bill arrives. I mean, yes, business deductions and all of that (the printer and iPod were free, even), but you know, it PAINS ME to spend money. Especially since it’s not as though I can recoup the money from my other stupid computers. Otto did suggest that we get a boat… seeing as how we’d be all set for anchors…. (Ba dum DUM!)

I got a three-year warranty, so there will be no more flagrant spending of technology funds for at least that long. And I will continue to ignore Otto’s excited babbling about the drop in price on the iPhone because I CANNOT HEAR HIM LALALALALALALA! (more…)