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And that’s why I put away all the laundry

by Mir on January 7, 2013 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Health is overrated

Monkey’s birthday was delightful. I didn’t even mind getting up early to make cinnamon rolls for him to bring in to school to share with his buddies, because he’s just so darn delighted by it, and it doesn’t hurt that our intrepid Hippie School head teacher always tells me what a great baker I am. Yes, it’s all totally selfless, when I do this. Pay no attention to my preening in the corner. (Hey, I take affirmations where I can get ‘em, people.)

I’d actually made the dough the night before, and done everything short of baking them and making the icing—the rolls were in the fridge proofing overnight in baking pans. This is the best way to do it, because 1) they end up really light and fluffy and 2) you get warm, ooey-gooey rolls first thing in the morning. AH-MAY-ZING.

Monkey awoke on Friday to a happy birthday phone call from his sister, then he padded downstairs and sniffed the air in the kitchen just as I was pulling the pans from the oven. “Nothing smells better than that,” he said, with a happy sigh. I slapped a big glob of icing on the largest roll and set it at his place at the table. Nothing but the best sugar coma for my birthday boy, you know. (more…)

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Exactly

by Mir on November 26, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I knew, but didn’t really know, that the holidays would be hard this year. I knew intellectually, but didn’t really grok how it would feel. It felt wrong to have Thanksgiving without Chickie—as thankful as I am for so many other things—and although we usually do the tree and the decorations the weekend after Thanksgiving, I didn’t say anything, and neither did Otto or Monkey, so we just let it go. There’s plenty of time. She’ll be home in a few weeks, for a bit, and we’ll try to figure out how to cram in all of the family togetherness we need around this year’s unprecedented weirdness.

So we had a nice meal with friends and have been doing Leftoverpalozza ever since. Yesterday was the first batch of soup, and the moving-of-all-leftovers-from-giant-containers-to-slightly-smaller-containers, and this morning I lovingly packed turkey sandwiches for the boys to take in their lunch. (“Turkey again?” YOU WILL SHUT UP AND EAT IT AND YOU’LL LIKE IT.) Some things are the same as always, even with other things so very different.

But I am trying to get into the Holiday Spirit. (more…)

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My doppleganger!

by Mir on October 26, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

There have been a few requests to see my actual zombie hand, though I realize this is a delicate matter for some. The day I got my new splint (which meant the bandages got cut off and I got to see it for the first time) I was super-jazzed to show it to Monkey and Mario when they got home from school that afternoon. To my dismay, when I removed the splint, Mario said, “COOOOL!” at the same time that Monkey gagged, turned away, and yelled, “PUT IT BACK ON, THAT’S DISGUSTING!” So, you know… your tolerance may vary.

Here, I’ll make it a link for those who dare to click: This was my hand this morning while I waited for the surgeon to come poke me and then take out my stitches. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) The stitches are out, now, and the good doc says everything looks great. Given how black and blue I am, I wonder if he has a different definition of that word than I do, but whatever. (I also told him I thought being bionic would be more exciting, somehow, and he laughed and said I probably thought it would hurt less, too. Come to think of it, he’s kind of a jerk.)

I’ve received some lovely, kind gifts while convalescing. Most of them involve chocolate, which is awesome. But this latest one is clearly the best. (more…)

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Hey kids, drugs are bad!

by Mir on October 22, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Health is overrated

This is not a post I wanted to write. I blog about many things, but I think I have yet to blog about this particular thing. And yet, here we are.

Let us briefly retrace my medical steps of the last week. On Sunday night, I broke my stupid hand on a stupid apple. I then spent many hours in the emergency room with my long-suffering husband, and when we left we had a prescription for a heavy-duty narcotic (Narcotic 1). I had told the ER staff that I don’t do well with narcotics; in fact, most of them make me throw up. So when I mentioned this, they threw in a prescription for an anti-nausea med to take with it. This was very nice of them. However, I was still worried about taking the medication they’d prescribed, because—in case you haven’t noticed from the years of my neurotically writing about it—I fear nothing as much as I fear vomiting. The next morning (Monday), I saw my primary care doctor. I mentioned that I had been given a narcotics prescription but that I was afraid to use it. My primary care doctor, who is very nice, gave me a prescription for something “non-narcotic,” and said that it was unlikely to make me ill (we’ll call this the Not-Narcotic).

I did a small victory dance. Surely this medication would be the answer to my (pain) prayers. When Otto came home that night, he’d filled my prescriptions. I happily popped two of the Not-Narcotics, looking forward without to my pain ending without any subsequent silliness. Within about 20 minutes, I was completely stoned. Why yes, I AM a cheap date, why do you ask? (more…)

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… and then I broke my hand on an apple

by Mir on October 15, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, My name is Grumplestiltskin

We went up to the mountains to pick apples on Saturday. So pretty! Idyllic! I kept cautioning Monkey about the uneven terrain at the orchard because “all we need now is for someone to break an ankle.” HAHA. No one broke an ankle; we picked a bushel of apples, and the boys ate some fried pie.

Back at home, I made an apple crisp and several batches of dried apples. Sunday night I was working on a second crisp and mounting the LAST FREAKING APPLE when my apple peeler/corer doohickey decided to slip off the counter, and I can’t tell you exactly what happened because I really don’t know, but let’s just say that the peeler won. Four hours at the ER later, I am the proud owner of a spiral fracture and a temporary splint up to my elbow. Baby’s first broken bone! I should send my folks a picture.

More to come when I figure out how to type faster.

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Contrast

by Mir on September 29, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Ottomatic For the People

The following is offered for your consideration, without further comment.

* * * * *

A voicemail received on my cell phone from a blocked number:

Hey, I’m looking for a Ronald? And if I’ve found you, I just wanted to let you know that I found out some disturbing news. And, um, you need to tell the little bitch that yer livin’ with that she better leave my man alone. Because I just found out they’re seeing each other? And I don’t fuckin’ like it. Let me catch her ass out somewhere, she’s mine.

* * * * *

The other night in bed, after yet another tearful discussion of the mess our lives have become:
Me: I just don’t even know why you’re still here. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
Otto: Well… this is where all my stuff is.
Otto: OW! Hey!
Otto: Um. I love you?
Me: Jerk.
Otto: What??
Me: I said I love you, too.

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Showdown at the hospital corral

by Mir on September 7, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

Well, I had my wallow. It was deep and wide and dark and there’s a certain comfort in just opting out for a while. It’s not sustainable, though, because eventually I have to pack lunches and help with homework and say something to my husband other than “I just fucking hate this all SO MUCH.” (“Your husband sounds like an angel,” my therapist commented last week, as I sat on her couch, sniffling and leaking tears, and that was enough to make me smile. “He really IS,” I said. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.” And that helped, because he is and I am and not EVERYTHING is terrible, after all.)

I located my mythical bootstraps (mine are made of sweet potatoes!) and became the squeakiest wheel that ever did squeak. Which is how I ended up spending an hour on the phone with the hospital CEO yesterday.

Granted, everyone who works with my kid probably now refers to me as “that annoying bitch,” but whatever. I have never had a problem advocating for what my kids need. I’ve never had a problem standing up and possibly making myself unpopular. What I realized, though, was that in this situation, I had been handling each mini-crisis individually, always willing to say “this particular thing is not okay, let’s fix it,” but for some reason I had been holding back on saying, “This is ALL BROKEN. I want answers.” And I’m not sure why that is. (more…)

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Me, wall, BOOM

by Mir on September 4, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, My name is Grumplestiltskin

We had a meeting over the phone with Chickadee’s “treatment team” (and I use that term loosely) last week, during which I’m pretty sure my head exploded. In the aftermath I had a small tantrum and then returned to all of the things I’m supposed to be doing. We took Chickie out for a while on Saturday and on the drive home I made Otto stop and get me some coffee because I was starting to feel that bone-crushing weariness that was putting me to sleep while I was sitting up. He stopped; I drank my coffee; I fell asleep anyway. And then we came home and I was futzing around online, and while reading the words of a woman who lost her child in a terrible accident I realized I was actually (do not think this is comfortable for me to admit) jealous. In a few short hours her nightmare descended and was over. Nine months into losing my child in bits and pieces, I was jealous of someone else’s loss. Something in me just… broke.

So that was me realizing I’d hit the wall. I basically crawled into bed for two days and tried to cry/sleep it off. I don’t know how successful I was. Yesterday I got up and shopped for groceries and wrote a long email to the CEO of the hospital. Today I go back to putting one foot in front of the other.

There’s a hundred things I need that no one can do for me and I’m still trying to figure out how to do for myself. I know it’s ridiculous, but what I really need right now (that you can maybe provide) is a new recipe. Hit me with a dinner idea that incorporates sweet potatoes; I am tired of alternating between veggie chili and baked sweet potatoes topped with black beans. I know it’s a dumb-sounding request, but I think it will help. Thanks.

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How things are

by Mir on August 31, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Ottomatic For the People

This week has, in a word, sucked. Oh, I know, this entire year has sucked, but this week sucked even compared to the rest, which is saying something. Tensions are running high and faith is being tested.

Today Otto got up before me and made coffee. I know this because I woke up to BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP, the international signal for “it is now safe to get out of bed and proceed directly to the largest mug in the house.” My darling, wonderful husband was in the shower by the time it beeped, and I all but ran into the kitchen.

And there I found a lake of coffee on the floor. The coffeemaker was in its usual spot on the counter, but the coffee POT was sitting on the edge of the sink. Otto had washed the pot, ground the beans, filled the basket, and then hit the switch without replacing the pot; eventually the filter basket overflowed and lo, the coffee streamed down the counter and onto the floor.

I beheld the tragic scene before me and burst into whoops of laughter, so loud that the dog came to see what my problem was. And then I went to tell my husband what he did. He kept trying to apologize, and between giggles I had to tell him that it was reassuring to know I’m not the only one falling apart.

Other people look at a gift of flowers or a particularly wonderful day with their spouse and know their relationship is built to last, and I mop up a giant coffee puddle and thank my lucky stars for one marvelous, barely-flawed Otto.

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Virtual school makes me virtually crazy

by Mir on August 30, 2012 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I think I mentioned that Monkey is taking a couple of virtual school classes this semester, and as part of filling out the hospital/homebound paperwork for Chickadee it was suggested that she do so, as well. (Translation: Oh, we are legally obligated to send a teacher out to tutor your kid, but she’s too far away for us to feel like doing that, and we are too lazy to coordinate with the district where she’s currently residing, so instead how about we pay for her to take virtual school courses and you don’t sue us? OKAY!)

Actually—now that I think of it—the craziness started really early with this. Back in the late spring/early summer we went through a whole thing where Monkey was registered for classes as a homeschooler, and that’s supposed to be paid for by the state, but then good ol’ Georgia passed a bill about something else entirely that had a wee little line in it about counties taking on the expense for homeschoolers, so we then received a tuition bill, and Otto spent an entertaining week calling around to the school district, county offices, and state legislature until someone finally paid for it. That should’ve been my first clue that this was going to be entertaining.

And then, of course, Monkey has already tried to school one of his teachers without success. Heh. (more…)