October 24, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Detritus

Today is International Ask The Internet Day. Didn’t you know? Ask the internet, they’ll tell you. Or at the very least, I say so. Largely because my folks are leaving today and I would rather go spend their last few hours here with them than tell you all about how well, I was SUPPOSED to go for an MRI this morning, but my SUPER FANTASTIC HEALTH INSURANCE decided not to pay for it. So I decided not to go! I’ll show THEM! Because they’ll be SORRY when I’m DEAD!

Anyway.

Internet, my daughter’s fourth grade teacher responded to my “What can I do to help?” query by saying, “You seem like you’re a crafty type! We need some sort of holiday craft for the kids to do, something they’ll enjoy and that they can bring home as a gift for their parents. Got any ideas?” And when I finished laughing (me, the crafty type? has she MET me?) I said “I WOULD LOVE TO! LET ME GET BACK TO YOU! WHY AM I SHOUTING?” and then I ran away as fast as my not-at-all-crafty legs would take me.

So. I need a holiday-friendly (all holidays! especially Christmahanukwanzakah!) craft suitable for 9- and 10-year-olds that I can do with them in about an hour, where the materials won’t be too costly and I won’t want to chew off my own arm to escape during the actual, um, crafting. Ideas?

July 26, 2007 | Detritus

(GOD, get your mind out of the gutter. I am just doing something really novel and designating an evening to focus on Otto rather than working all night or reading Harry Potter.)

So, hi! Guess what? I would like to hang out with you. Yes, YOU. There’s a, um, thing I’ve been asked to attend in Decatur in a few months and I thought they invited me because they just LURVE ME, but I think it may be more because they think I know other people to invite. Which, whoops! They must’ve missed all the posts about WAH WAH WAH I DON’T KNOW ANYONE I was writing a little while back. Anyway. No matter!

If you:
1) Live in the Decatur area or would be willing to drive in to Decatur on a designated evening (yes I know there is more than one Decatur; I’m talking about Georgia),
2) Like food,
3) Have a blog,
and
4) Want to be my friend,

please mail me and we will perhaps get to hang out and eat stuff together. I don’t know about YOU, but I find food highly motivating, so even if you don’t particularly want to hang with me, just remember: FREE FOOD.

December 24, 2006 | Detritus

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, and I am off-duty for anything even resembling home repair until next week. Can I get an AMEN? Yes. Thank you.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. This is my favorite time of year… such a good reminder that all things are possible. Heck, I know if you’d told me LAST Christmas where I’d be THIS Christmas, I would’ve asked what you were smoking.

The chocolate chip gingerbread recipe pictured here is below the fold. (Sorry for the delay; had to ask the owner if it was okay for me to post.) Enjoy! (more…)

December 12, 2006 | Detritus

I’m having some technical difficulties with my internet service. Please stand by while I rip my hair out and call to yell at the cable company some more, and then eat my weight in cinnamon crunch bagels at Panera so that I can use their WiFi.

September 25, 2006 | Detritus

Because you’re being such good sports about my last post, which in point of fact actually put ME to sleep, I thought I’d share the cookie recipe. [Also I decided to do this and then my hosting provider had a massive service crash and I was just GONE for a while and now you surely need cookies to recover.] And then you too can listen to your children whine “But I wanted CHOCOLATE CHIP!!”

This recipe started out as something else and I tweaked it here and there because that’s what I do, either because I’m making do with ingredients on hand or because I’m just being wild and crazy. (That’s me, WILD and CRAZY with BAKED GOODS. I’m the sort of person your mother warned you about.) It is now my very own recipe, so I’m not crediting anybody else.

Unless you hate them. In that case? This recipe totally came from someone else. Someone ugly and mean, in fact. (more…)

September 1, 2006 | Detritus

Please vote:

Is PIECEY a word? (Hint: “I want one of those cool new hairstyles, you know, where it’s all piecey.”) (Also a hint: Do not laugh at me during Scrabble. Even if I am laughing so hard I’m pretty much snorting pretzels.)

Please send an OED as soon as possible. Thank you.

April 17, 2006 | Detritus

Sorry for the lack of entry yesterday; Easter kicked my ass (in the best possible way, I promise) and I think I was in bed before 10.

I need to share a few things to get us all through this Monday….
(more…)

March 29, 2006 | Detritus

Oh, whoops. Did I forget to post last night? I did. I actually considered posting, but it kept coming out sort of like this:
Grumble, whine, grrrrr, hate hate hate, WAAAAH.

Fascinating, I know, but it seemed like I ought to spare you.

Today I have about fifty gazillion deadlines looming (yes, I rock at math) and so you will have to find some other way to entertain yourselves. But, because I am all about the love and the sharing, I will help.

Make sure your speakers are on, then go watch this. Very, very cool. (Thanks, Rudy!)

March 18, 2006 | Detritus

Oh my word, that was fun. Y’all are so pretty! And clever!

Honorable “if only you knew how to count the syllables” Mention to my father, for his freeform not-haiku:

clean floors avoid
tripping over iambic pentameters
haikus rule

(Dad wins a lovely “Now I Can Count” board book.)

Honorable “I would love to give you an award but since I know you in real life I’m thinking you should be disqualified on some sort of nepotism clause” Mention to Zuska, for her lyrical haiku:

Ah! Like winter snow,
the dust has made a landscape
so serene. Why clean?

(Zuska wins, um, my admiration!)

And…
(more…)

March 16, 2006 | Detritus

I am gripped with spring cleaning fever, even though it’s not spring and I hate to clean. It’s just that every so often I reach saturation on the amount of clutter in my house and become a small tasmanian devil with The Garbage Bag of Doom.

The children do not like The Garbage Bag of Doom, for it signals the end of many of their most significant relationships. I get into this mode, I’m all about shovelling away the random drawings, magazine clippings, happy meal toys, etc. As I gradually uncover actual surfaces, I whip out the Fantastik and wipe down the newly discovered tabletops. And then! It smells nice! And looks nice! And I am happy!

So, in my toxic fume euphoria, I’ve decided to share the joy. Let’s have a contest!
(more…)