Once there’s car bling, it’s official

When Chickadee decided on Tinytown College (not its real name), we made several trips to campus before she began her time there. Every time, we went to the bookstore and accumulated more Overpriced Licensed Stuff™, of course, including shirts for the whole family, which was ESPECIALLY important because we have since discovered that perhaps the REAL reason Chickie picked this school is because every occasion merits a free shirt. She has the shirts that we bought her and a shirt for every activity she’s in and a shirt she got at freshman orientation and a shirt for her dorm and a shirt for the Honors program and a shirt for having accumulated shirts and don’t forget the free shirts for things she doesn’t even belong to which are apparently rained down on campus at regular intervals. (Me: “Where did you even get that? You don’t live in that apartment complex.” Her: “Well, yeah, but they were giving them out in the quad, soooo….”)

Chickadee also owns a licensed lanyard, TC-mascot-themed earbuds, some sort of Terrible Towel-esque scrap of cloth (hilarious, as this school doesn’t have any Division 1 sports teams), and so on. MANY MANY MANY licensed Tinytown College THINGS.

(In case you’re wondering, I also received a licensed mug for taking her to their scholarship competition and a licensed logo imitation Tervis tumbler for taking her to orientation. That seems like a fair return on the tens of thousands of dollars we pay them, right? Sure!)

What I did not buy, initially, was a decal for my car. I don’t know that it was a conscious decision. I just… didn’t. It didn’t occur to me, I guess? I was too busy gasping for air once I saw the price tag on the “TC MOM” shirt my child insisted I needed? Who knows. When she left for college, my car did not yet proclaim OH HEY I RAISED A CHILD TO SEMI-FUNCTIONALITY AND COLLEGE ATTENDANCE IN ANOTHER TOWN yet, or, you know, via shorthand: Tinytown College.

And then Monkey started the whole college application thing and was accepted at Giant Nerd University (also not its real name) and somehow, at some point, I became convinced that I needed car decals. We went down to TC at some point in the spring and I carefully selected the window decal I felt was the best one—I had to get the right design, but also the right size because I’d have two decals and the back window of my little hatchback isn’t all that big. The winning decal said Tinytown College, of course, but also featured the mascot (which amuses me, both because I think mascots are funny AND because it turns out that my daughter has something of a mascot phobia and I am so supportive that I now feel EVERY piece of TC merchandise I buy needs to have the mascot on it). It was perfect.

When we dropped Monkey at his summer program at GNU, the bookstore was closed by the time we had a chance to get over there. Oh, well. No matter! We went in to see him a couple of weeks later, and I did manage a quick spin through the bookstore, then. They did not have the decal I wanted—I figured every school has one like the TC one I’d bought, with the name and mascot, but they didn’t—but I bought one that was about the same size as the other one and put it aside with the TC one I already had. Once the program was over and it was time for orientation, we arrived to behold a decidedly unwell Monkey whose summer had not at all gone the way we’d all planned. And that sucked. So we got him packed up and attended as much of orientation as he could manage and then we left.

Once home again, said decals weren’t exactly high on my list of priorities. Monkey was sick, Chickadee was getting over a summer of sickness and getting ready to return to school, we were figuring out Monkey deferring, etc. Still, after a couple of weeks, things started to settle down, and one day I went outside to my car and carefully affixed the decals to the lower corners of my rear window. Tinytown College on the left, Giant Nerd University on the right. Lest the children try to aggravate me about it, I reasoned that that worked both in terms of the kids ages/admissions as well as alphabetically (okay, it doesn’t work alphabetically with the pseudonyms, but trust me).

Fun fact: I brought home college car decals for all three of the colleges I attended, I think (two for undergrad, one for grad school), and my parents never put any of them on a car. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying. Not their thing, I guess. But—I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this—I am just SO FREAKING PROUD of my kids. Do I need decals for that? No, I’m sure I don’t. But I also do not “need” my Flying Spaghetti Monster car emblem but I do NEED my Flying Spaghetti Monster car emblem, if you understand. So. The decals went on the car and they made me happy.

Still, summer turned to fall, Chickadee went back to school, Monkey was still here at home healing up and insisting that the only logical option was to head to GNU in January. And his commitment was admirable, but also… worrisome. Because all attempts to discuss What Happened This Summer and Other Options and such were met with insistence that the only thing which had changed was that he was delaying a semester, and (according to him) there was no reason to revisit the initial decision to go there.

And yet….

With our encouragement, Monkey has been auditing a class at our local university—the same one where he took classes as a senior when he was dual-enrolled. This was partly to fill some of his time this semester in a low-stress but mind-exercising way, and partly because we’d begun to suspect that perhaps Monkey might be better served by staying at home, or at least in his hometown. And this is keeping his foot in the water there, as it were. Anyway! The deadline to register for spring housing at GNU was approaching. We had previously put down a housing deposit for fall, which was subsequently refunded after, oh, fifteen phone calls, when Monkey took his medical deferment. Said deposit was now going to be required, again, and this time would be non-refundable if he didn’t show up in January.

“I’m going,” he said.

“Let’s talk about this some more,” we said.

“I’M GOING,” he said.

“Maybe you are,” we said. “But we just want to make sure that’s absolutely the right choice. Why are you so adamant about going? And what’s going to be different in the spring from how hard it was this summer?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.

The preceding dialogue played out approximately half-a-dozen times before we arrived at the week when Money Must Be Forked Over, at which point we all agreed to sit down with a whiteboard and pro/con columns and talk through every possible option until we all hated each other or until a logical decision was reached.

The way we saw it, he has three somewhat-immediate options:
1) Go to GNU in January.
2) Re-enroll at the local university; start in January.
3) Take the entire year off, start fresh in August (buys him some time on a school decision, although this option means reapplying to GNU if he still wants to go there).

Together, we worked on the pros and cons. As a surprise to no one, Monkey shifted in his seat and rolled his eyes and participated, yes, but, uh, not exactly enthusiastically. The whole thing made him feel uncomfortable; he reiterated again and again that he felt like it was a huge decision and he was sure no matter what he chose would be wrong. For every pro he had a con; for every con, a corresponding pro. It wasn’t helping.

And anyway—he finally said—we’d left an option off the list.

That got our attention. We… had?

Over the next few minutes, Monkey made his case. He sat up straight for the first time since we started the conversation. He waved his hands around, and his voice gained volume and speed, and by the end we were all laughing and nodding and wondering why he hadn’t said something sooner, and why we hadn’t seen it.

Later that day, in the car, I reached over and patted his knee. “You know what, dude?” I said. “You DID know what you needed. Nice job making a smart decision. I’m excited for you. Are you excited?”

He nodded, ever so slightly. “I’m still always gonna wonder ‘what if’ a little, but yeah. I’m excited.”

Monkey commenced working on The New Plan and—maybe it was my imagination, but I don’t think so—seemed calmer and more relaxed over the next couple of weeks, even though he was busier than he’d been for a while. We called his sister and filled her in, and she was so excited I found myself tearing up. Because these kids, man. It’s rarely been a straight path, for either of them. And through it all, they’ve always had each others’ backs.

I went out to the car a few days after Monkey had made his decision, and I carefully peeled off the Giant Nerd University decal. It’s still just in the back of my car, for now, but I’ll stick it in a bag and put it away at some point when I think of it. Monkey may still go there, someday. Maybe for grad school. Maybe never. I don’t know, and I’m not worried about it. GNU is an amazing school and Monkey worked really, really hard to be admitted there. But for him—right here, right now—it’s not where he’ll be happy and healthy.

I peeled off the Tinytown College decal, too. I cleaned off the window one more time, and then I repositioned the TC decal to the middle of the bottom edge, now that I just have the one decal to display.

It’s nearly November (which still sort of blows my mind). In December, Monkey will finish auditing his class and Chickadee will finish the fall semester and come home for break. We’ll celebrate Christmas and New Year’s and Monkey’s 18th birthday, and then they’ll pack back up, and both of them will head down to Tinytown College, together. They will live in the same dorm and continue having each others’ backs (Monkey: “If I have a problem, I can go see Chickadee, plus I can borrow her car if I need to!” Chickadee: “I can make him kill bugs for me, plus when I run out of Easy Mac I can just go steal some from him!”) and hopefully both have a great semester.

This is something I don’t say all that often, but: I have a really good feeling about this.

45 Responses to “Once there’s car bling, it’s official”

  1. 1
    Becky October 18, 2017 at 3:19 pm #

    My sister and I went to the same (tiny, liberal arts) college – in fact, I was her RA! We grew up a bit and grew closer because of it (and it was only a year, I am three years older). Good luck to your two – wishing them a great experience!

  2. 2
    Jamie October 18, 2017 at 3:26 pm #

    That is THE BEST!!!

  3. 3
    Brenda October 18, 2017 at 3:31 pm #

    It is so lovely that they’re both excited! And it’s awesome that Monkey has figured out a great option for him. There’s just something about knowing you have family nearby that is really wonderful.

  4. 4
    Asha Dornfest October 18, 2017 at 3:37 pm #

    Wow. What amazing kids you have. What an amazing life. Sending you all HUGS.

  5. 5
    Jenna October 18, 2017 at 3:44 pm #

    very very cool. how awesome for them both. i am so terrified of sending my ‘normal’ kid to college and he’s only in 8th grade.

  6. 6
    MelissaC October 18, 2017 at 3:44 pm #

    I just LOVE this! That is obviously the most perfect solution. Easy Mac for all!

  7. 7
    Jill October 18, 2017 at 3:51 pm #

    We’ve visited your Local Big U, the Giant Nerd U, and need to make a visit to Tinytown College for comparison- and maybe Northern Burbs Used to be Commuter School but now is a Bigger U (KSU). Kid 1 is “sure” he wants to go to GNU, but he needs some options. I’ll be happy (thrilled!) if Zell Miller wants to pay his way somewhere in state, but they make me nervous when I hear admission standards.

  8. 8
    Susie October 18, 2017 at 3:52 pm #

    I’m growing this kind of relationship with my brother now that we are both adults. Granted, he’s about a damn decade younger than me, but I’m grateful for it. Your kids are going to have an amazing time, irritate the hell out of each other, and be friends for life. I’m so excited for them. And for y’all. And generally just stupid happy at this ray of sunshine.

  9. 9
    Mary K October 18, 2017 at 3:54 pm #

    LOVE the complete AWESOMENESS of this!

  10. 10
    laura October 18, 2017 at 3:54 pm #

    Isn’t it the very best thing EVER seeing your kids caring for each other? Good job everyone!

  11. 11
    MomQueenBee October 18, 2017 at 4:12 pm #

    I had none of the I-don’t-recognize-I’m-sick-until-I’m-dying challenges Monkey has faced, and still, when it came to college there was no other option but where Much Older Sister (by 17 months) was enrolled. She lived two floors below me in the dorm, and we saw each other enough but not too much. It was the perfect way to jump off the edge of the nest. Good for Chickie and Monkey.

  12. 12
    Carrie on October 18, 2017 at 4:32 pm #

    I have something stuck in my eye… (Seriously, your kids are awesome and I love how much they love and support each other!)

  13. 13
    Meghann October 18, 2017 at 4:32 pm #

    Well that made me FEEL things.

  14. 14
    Mom24 October 18, 2017 at 5:21 pm #

    <3

  15. 15
    Beth R October 18, 2017 at 5:32 pm #

    YAY!!! What a brilliant idea :) So happy for all of you!

  16. 16
    Julie October 18, 2017 at 5:38 pm #

    Okay, friend, I’m crying now. What a lovely resolution!

  17. 17
    Jeanie October 18, 2017 at 6:10 pm #

    Was that Monkey’s other option? It’s a great idea! Way to go, Monkey!

  18. 18
    Sheila October 18, 2017 at 6:52 pm #

    Yay yay yay yay yay!

  19. 19
    Lizneust October 18, 2017 at 8:49 pm #

    My brother followed me to teeny-tiny college (1,100 students!) the year after I arrived. It was awesome. We shared a car, we lived in the same dorms, we saw each other all the time and YET we did not have to share a bathroom. I hope Chickie and Monkey look back on their college experience with as much fondness as my brother and I do. I would have still loved teeny-tiny without him there, but it was definitely the icing on the cake. Except for the one time we were in Philosophy 101 together and the professor called roll and asked us if we were married. That was the most awkward thing ever.

    • 19.1
      Mir October 19, 2017 at 8:49 am #

      Ha! Tinytown College isn’t quite THAT tiny, and I do not anticipate they’ll have any classes together. They did take a class together in high school and got asked if they were twins (Chickie in particular did not appreciate that!), but it’s better than being asked if you’re married, I guess.

      • Lizneust October 20, 2017 at 6:05 am #

        Yeah – we were very careful not to sit together ever again.

  20. 20
    LoriO October 18, 2017 at 9:49 pm #

    Hoooorah!

  21. 21
    Lucinda October 18, 2017 at 10:57 pm #

    My husband went to the same college as his older sister and 30 years later still talks about how cool it was to have an older sister there his freshman year who showed him around and took him to all the “good” parties that he wouldn’t have gone to otherwise. It’s funny hearing him talk about it because he has never been much of a partier but he has always been close to his sister and what he is really saying is he was happy to know she had his back that first year.

  22. 22
    Lee October 19, 2017 at 6:56 am #

    That is one smart kid you got there. (well, two, but you know.) Excited for them both! Great news!

  23. 23
    Leslie October 19, 2017 at 8:21 am #

    My kids both went to the same college and had two years of overlap. They were about 2000 miles from home and it helped me to know that they had each other to lean on. Also…never showing favoritism when wearing all the aforementioned school emblazoned gear! Too bad they don’t give the quantity discount for tuition though, huh?

  24. 24
    Holly Gault October 19, 2017 at 8:22 am #

    A lovely solution.

  25. 25
    Cindy October 19, 2017 at 8:28 am #

    Aww, that’s just wonderful! It’s kind of weird how happy I feel for your family, considering we’ve never actually met. :) But I’ll take the happy moments where I find them.

  26. 26
    Mir October 19, 2017 at 8:52 am #

    P.S. You all have been so lovely in your support. Thank you for loving my kids. I have been telling them their entire lives that all I want is for them to be happy and healthy and know that their sibling is the ultimate backup/champion, and while this decision surprised us a little, we quickly came to realize that hey, they got it. They get it.

  27. 27
    Chuck October 19, 2017 at 9:10 am #

    Congrats to Monkey! What is the saying, “Life is a journey, not a destination?” I bet he has fun at TC.

  28. 28
    Margaret October 19, 2017 at 11:17 am #

    I’m curious about the admission process – did he have to apply as an entering freshman or as a transfer? Do they have rolling admissions? We are in the home stretch of college admissions with our youngest. We’ve done this twice with two daughters who attended/are attending small liberal arts schools. Our son wants to study computer engineering so we’ve visited lots of schools new to us. We are huge fans of small schools so I’m hoping that he gets into one of his small school choices. Congrats to Monkey and you for making this work!

    • 28.1
      Mir October 19, 2017 at 11:40 am #

      Because he has never actually matriculated as a regular freshman elsewhere, he applied as a freshman. And because Tinytown College typically doesn’t do January admits—here is where it being a small school where we already have a kid is super useful—we just called up to ask how they wanted to handle it. They skipped automation and walked his application through by hand, which meant he had his acceptance about a week after he finished his app. I’m not sure they would’ve been so willing if we weren’t already a family there, or if he didn’t already have a ton of college credit, but who knows.

  29. 29
    Corey October 19, 2017 at 12:57 pm #

    AAAHHH!! What a great revelation by Monkey, and how exciting for your whole family!

    Some of the stories about their adventures at Tinytown College will be legendary!

    I’ll be teary-eyed reading for the next few years, as I suspect my undergrad path would have ended up in a similar way, following my brother, if better circumstances had prevailed.

  30. 30
    Laura October 20, 2017 at 8:02 am #

    I love this so much. I have watched these two grow up (from a distance of course) and I am so proud of all they have overcome and their amazing bond. You all are amazing.

  31. 31
    Mary K. in Rockport October 20, 2017 at 8:22 am #

    A wonderful piece except for, dare I say it? The last sentence.

  32. 32
    RuthWells October 20, 2017 at 10:32 am #

    Dude. Awesome. Time to breathe! xoxoxo

  33. 33
    Teresa October 20, 2017 at 1:36 pm #

    Here’s to finding the perfect ‘fit’! Believing our kids will instinctively know is hard, but I think this may be truly the case. Best wishes to both Monkey and Chickadee!

  34. 34
    Brigitte Boyce October 20, 2017 at 7:56 pm #

    All the feels! (((hugs)))

  35. 35
    Jenny October 20, 2017 at 10:16 pm #

    Ok, both of your kids are geniuses and you are the coolest mom ever. This is just awesome!

  36. 36
    Chris October 21, 2017 at 11:39 am #

    Oh that is such a good outcome!!! So glad Monkey finally came out with it and you were able to make it work. I like others was worry for him and we all know that people succeed from all sizes and level of colleges so I am glad he found a better place for now.

    So sweet that his big sister will be there to look at for him. I think we will be looking at two decals in the end for our family but I have already met many people at my daughters Big University that have siblings there.

  37. 37
    Heather October 24, 2017 at 10:03 am #

    This may come off as a little crazy, but I have been reading your writing since the kids were WEE LITTLE THINGS, and this just made me tear up. I’m so very glad that Monkey found a solution that felt right. So happy for him! And for Chickadee! And for all of you!

  38. 38
    Hannah October 24, 2017 at 11:14 am #

    Aww. I love this.

  39. 39
    Marissa October 25, 2017 at 3:07 pm #

    I’m not crying, you’re crying. This is so perfect. Having read about Chickadee and Monkey since they were in elementary school (I think, it was so long ago, yet you and I haven’t aged a day) I am so happy to hear of their transition to wonderful adults. Well done Mir! (and Otto and dad and grandparents)

  40. 40
    Dori October 26, 2017 at 3:30 pm #

    What an amazing story! I hope my kids grow to care for each other this much, too. :)

  41. 41
    Daisy October 28, 2017 at 5:10 pm #

    Oh, what a feeling! This turned out rather well after all.

  42. 42
    Andrea November 2, 2017 at 1:19 pm #

    LOVE LOVE LOVE. I went to the same college as my big brother…after my first year (mandatory dorms) we rented a house together. I’m not sure if we appreciated it then, but now that we’re in our forties, those years are still the best stories and memories that we have together.

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