The name’s Bond. Jerkface Bond.

Once upon a time there was this incredible deal at Amazon on the Bond 50 Blu-ray Collection—22 James Bond movies (that’s all of them except for the one that just came out last year, Skyfall). And my darling husband purchased it because he really loves Bond films. Truthfully, I think he really loves the CARS in Bond films, but whatever. Details.

Here let us pause while I note that of the 23 James Bond movies in existence, I had seen maybe… three? Two or three, prior to Otto and his Bond enthusiasm. We saw Casino Royale together and I think I liked it. I don’t really remember anything about it. Then we saw Quantum of Solace together and I spent the whole movie going “What’s going on?” and “Who is that?” and “What the heck just happened??” When the lights went up in the theater, I turned to Otto and said THAT WAS TERRIBLE. He agreed that it was “disappointing for a Bond film.” And so it was with GREAT TREPIDATION that we ventured out to see Skyfall, and yet, that one was really very entertaining. So when the opportunity to get all the films for very little money came up, I thought what harm could it do? Sure, let’s watch all things Bond!

Let me just insert a small spoiler here and tell you that this has been a real test of our marriage. Because apparently I had never seen a really old Bond film before and I had NO IDEA what I was in for.

Look; Otto and I have a rich history of glomming on to a TV series or trilogy of movies or whatever and devoting so much time to it that it’s a wonder we don’t end up permanently atrophied and unable to get off the couch. Why, I still look back fondly on that Spring Break where we did almost nothing but watch West Wing episodes. The movies arrived and Otto started talking about Aston-Martins a lot and I figured this was going to be another television marathon that would cement our glorious union as two couch potatoes in love.

We’re watching them in order, of course. First, allow me to expound on the good points, so you know it’s not all bad:

1) Sean Connery. Young Sean Connery isn’t hard on the eyes, ladies, even if he does appear to be half-Sasquatch.
2) The cars. Okay, I grudgingly admit that Otto is right about the car stuff being kind of cool. I mean, once you overlook the terrible special effects (someone in a car winging the steering wheel back and forth while a grainy movie of street scene plays on the back windshield).
3) There’s something almost comforting about the formulaic “the bad guy captures the good guy and is so convinced that he’s got this in the bag that he lays out his entire evil plan for him so that once the good guy escapes he knows exactly what to do to save the world” thing.
4) Even the earliest films depict women in positions of power, which was unusual for the time, I guess.

On the other hand: WOW. Just… holy shit, seriously, I had NO IDEA of what passed for acceptable relationship dynamics in those there “olden days.” I remain gobsmacked.

So far we’ve watched the first 6 films (at a rate of about one a week, because a week is how long it takes for my rage to fade after each one), all of which are from the 1960s. The first five—Dr. No to You Only Live Twice—star Connery. Again, he’s rather nice to look at, and even though a lot of what happens in these films causes me to scream at the screen, “WHAT? NO! NOT OKAY!” somehow I have managed to keep with it because I keep telling myself SURELY once we get into the 1970s some of this misogynistic nonsense will fade out. Right? RIGHT??

Every single one of these first five films feature at LEAST one scene (sometimes more than one) where Bond smacks a woman around for some reason, and she—beaten into submission? turned on by his manly powers?—subsequently falls into his arms. Which: GROSS. Really, really disturbing. Even more disturbing than the whole notion that Bond simply walks into the room and the woman’s panties just fall off. There’s also more than one film where the implication is that THIS woman is the one who actually MEANS SOMETHING to him, but of course by the next movie she’s a distant memory. Although honestly, I could devote very little indignation to that aspect because I was so busy trying to figure out how this little he-hits-her-and-she-finds-him-irresistible dynamic was deemed acceptable not once, but FIVE FREAKING TIMES. I really WANT to love James Bond. International Man of Mystery! Suave! Debonair! Also: TOTAL ASSHOLE.

Last night we got to the sixth movie, and imagine my surprise when “Bond. James Bond” was not Connery. “Who is THAT?” I said to my poor husband, who is already regretting telling me how great these movies supposedly are.

“Oh, he was only Bond in this one,” he replied. “His name is… George?”

“Right,” I said. “Her Majesty’s Secret Service, starring… GEORGE!”

Turns out his name is George Lazenby, but who cares. He wasn’t Sean Connery. And it was still a 1960s Bond film, so THIS time, instead of the typical tussle-with-the-weak-female-before-she-falls-for-him, there’s a scene where he actually full-out PUNCHES HIS HEROINE DEAD IN THE FACE. She, naturally, still loves him completely.

Otto paused the movie while I had my conniption. Because… I just… and they… and this… GAHHHHHHH.

The first Bond movie I ever saw as a kid was For Your Eyes Only with Roger Moore. I recall Moore being fairly… benign. I am now TERRIFIED to work our way up to those films because what if I’m remembering wrong and even his James Bond is an unapologetic, violent asshole?

I feel like I’m going to need a significant amount of therapy to get through the rest of the movies, and yet I feel like I can’t give up now, because SURELY the movie where that particular line of nonsense CEASES is just around the corner. And I need to see that to restore my faith in humanity (emphasis on “man”). Then again, I hear from people who’ve actually read that 50 Shades garbage that the whole “man overpowers woman, woman falls into his arms” dynamic is still being shoved down our throats as what every single woman secretly desires.

Know what? I have NEVER wished for a guy to sock me, secretly or otherwise. I don’t think this is because I’m a feminist; I think this is because I’m a human being with an aversion to pain. But apparently I was raised all wrong! (I mean, if the Bond films are to be believed.) Ian Fleming completely hated women, right? It’s the only explanation that makes sense.

Monkey is having some pals over for a movie night, tonight. Think I can trick them into watch Norma Rae? I feel like my movie-viewing palate needs cleansing.

  • email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Kirtsy
  • StumbleUpon

45 Responses to “The name’s Bond. Jerkface Bond.”

  1. 1
    Jen February 9, 2013 at 11:29 am #

    I think I’ve seen maybe one Bond film. Meh. I’ll watch the new one because hello, Daniel Craig is yummy.

  2. 2
    Mir February 9, 2013 at 11:31 am #

    FWIW I also find Craig’s portrayal of Bond significantly more nuanced—Craig’s Bond is haunted, tortured, imperfect. His questionable behavior isn’t accepted by everyone around him, y’know? Verrrrrrry different.

  3. 3
    Otto February 9, 2013 at 11:36 am #

    My takeaway from the film was the Aston-Martin DB5 was a much better Bond car than the DBS used in OHMSS.

    A couple of nice Mercedes-Benzs in there, too, but not enough to make this movie a truly enjoyable experience.

    What? You expected a different review?

    -otto

  4. 4
    Korinthia February 9, 2013 at 11:36 am #

    Wow. I’m in the same place with the Bond films as you were where I’ve seen a couple of the newer ones and found them entertaining enough, and figured someday maybe I’d watch an early one. But I don’t think I could take it. I’ve already told my kids I’m not a fan of the musical Carousel because there is a whole song about how ‘his hit is like a kiss’ and just NO no no.

    I just put up a post last night about the differences between men and women so that was all fresh in my mind as I read this. I’m endlessly amazed at what people think is acceptable in terms of gender roles. Thanks for an interesting post.

  5. 5
    deva at deva by definition February 9, 2013 at 11:57 am #

    My fiance seems to like Bond movies, as do many of my friends. I don’t care for them. Too Formulaic. Too Cheesy. Too… too. I could almost call them Twee with a side of “anti-women” but I don’t think the are Twee, just not right.

    All to say: I feel you your pain. A friend of mine, when we saw Quantum of Solace, couldn’t believe that A: I hadn’t seen any Bond movies before and B: that I wasn’t about to start after that one.

  6. 6
    LizD February 9, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

    “Sean Connery. Young Sean Connery isn’t hard on the eyes, ladies.”

    I so agree with this statement. It was what got me to watch the Bond movies. I tend to take them as unreal, and a moment in time when gender relationships really were different. I was born in 1955, and didn’t notice that smacking was sexy, but it was certainly part of US culture.

  7. 7
    Em February 9, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

    My opinion of Sean Connery changed when I saw an old interview with him where he talked about how some women “need” to be smacked occasionally. He got much less handsome after that. Didn’t effect my movie watching much though because I was never into James Bond. I AM however into old TV and have decided that Ricky Ricardo is an asshole. But, with some forgiveness being given because the times being what they were (or so I’ve heard), I want to marry Rob Petrie. He’s an ok guy.

  8. 8
    Mary Beth February 9, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    A) I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who views young Connery as being part Sasquatch.
    B) I’m no longer allowed to watch Bond movies with my brother-in-law (huge fan) and sister because Sis and I go off on long feminist rants.

  9. 9
    Kira February 9, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

    Clay and I did the exact same thing, except it takes us a hundred years to finish a series because we have roughly twenty minutes in a week for tv viewing and our life is unreasonably hard.
    Nonetheless. We started on the Bond movies, right from the beginning, once we finished Monk (why can’t there just be more Monk episodes? WHY?), and only got through the first three before we decided we’d really rather stare at the wall for our allotted twenty minutes that week. Good lord.

  10. 10
    Ali February 9, 2013 at 12:24 pm #

    The Husband and I have argued many times Bond vs. Bourne.

    And that is one of the many reasons why I prefer Jason Bourne to Bond. Granted, the woman still find themselves in need of rescue quite a bit but there is no slapping around. And you just can tell Bourne knows what he’s doing with a woman!

  11. 11
    diane February 9, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

    Eh. Not to use this as an excuse, but it was a different time. A time when your Dad didn’t notice that girls weren’t allowed to wear pants. ;)
    THAT said, there are still plenty of modern situations where women are treated just the same in film and on tv. Captain Kirk gave Bond a run for his money, too. Not saying it’s right, just saying maybe it’s not fair to single out the Bond films specifically.
    At least back then you didn’t see full rape scenes in the movies like you do now!

  12. 12
    Brenda February 9, 2013 at 12:37 pm #

    I’ve never seen any of the Bond films. I sort of think every now and then that I really should watch at least a few, but then I just forget about it.

  13. 13
    diane February 9, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    Oh! And the stuff I’ve read about Hitchcock? FAR MORE UPSETTING!

  14. 14
    Little Bird February 9, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

    I think it’s the opening to From Russia With Love that I started laughing at the Bond movies. In that one he’s sneaking through a garden and steps onto a flagstone and IT SINKS IN.

  15. 15
    KendalsWife February 9, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    I’ve been watching James Bond marathons with my husband for 18 years. Keep in mind, the actors are just trying to portray what Ian Fleming wrote in his books. Fleming wrote “All women love semi-rape. They love to be taken.” because he’s an idiot. Also, the movies DO get better. Roger Moore was my favorite Bond of all time (before Craig), but I do believe he slaps one woman. By the time you get to Timothy Dalton, you’ll find Bond is almost a gentleman and not nearly the player that Connery and Moore portrayed.

  16. 16
    Brandi February 9, 2013 at 1:25 pm #

    Otto should watch the Top Gear special on Bond cars.

    If he hasn’t already, obviously.

  17. 17
    Catherine February 9, 2013 at 2:45 pm #

    It’s a little like the coyote and road runner cartoons. At the time we just thought it was entertaining. No body stopped to analyze it. We were so ignorant!

  18. 18
    Heather February 9, 2013 at 3:12 pm #

    I have happy memories of watching James Bond movies with my parents as a child. As an adult upon re-watching my first reaction was wtf? Now we were watching them on commercial television so certainly some bits were edited. But these are the same parents who wouldn’t let me watch Cheers in jr/sr high school because they didn’t like the messages conveyed about male/female relationships. So, really, wtf?

  19. 19
    CuriousCat February 9, 2013 at 3:13 pm #

    You didn’t even mention “Pussy Galore”!!!

    Sorry, I have to side with Otto on this one (heyyy there, Otto!). I LIKE Bond movies, specifically the ones with Roger Moore. I love Sean Connery in general but I think Roger was a better, more sophisticated Bond. The cars were cool, the bad guys were cheesiliciously evil and the women were beautiful but had stupid names only a man could come up with. I don’t remember the hitting, but it’ been a while since I’ve watched one.

    I haven’t seen any with Daniel Craig but everyone says I must, so I guess I will someday.

    I would not watch a current film where a man beats up a woman without getting fired up (unless she’s a zombie or alien. that’s totally allowed.) but when I think about the old movies and the old stereotypes, I’m just kind of…..meh.

    What does that say about me? Should I be concerned?

  20. 20
    Dawn February 9, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

    Then again, I hear from people who’ve actually read that 50 Shades garbage that the whole “man overpowers woman, woman falls into his arms” dynamic is still being shoved down our throats as what every single woman secretly desires.

    “shoved down our throats”? Look who the advocates are. I read 50 Shades, found it ridiculous and awful, yet it is written by a woman, and promoted by other young, single (& married) women. Have you seen the Christian Grey pinterest pins? People cannot wait for the movie…and most of the positive reviews or positive blog posts have been authored by women. Sex toy sales increased after this as well, and some hotels began putting copies in the nightstand drawers. So, somewhere, some women have decided that “being taken in hand” is sexy and worth pursuing. I don’t think anyone forced that onto them…they bellied up to the bar and seemed inclined to take a long drink all on their own. I think what makes this story sexy to young women is the wealth of the main character that allows him to make extravagant gestures. The BDSM is “dressed up” by this…it is now exotic and thrilling (supposedly). Change the setting to a trailer park, change the main character to an unemployed male with anger issues in a wife beater shirt, and, suddenly…it would not seem so sexy anymore. Because, stripped of his wealth and privilege, that is what Christian is, an angry young man who frequently points out that he LIKES hurting women, it excites him and he NEEDS to do this. The fact that did not raise red flags for readers or the female lead just leaves this reader shaking her head.

    Sorry for the novel. Dislike Shades of Grey…not that you could tell…

  21. 21
    Kristin February 9, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

    Ohmygoddess, thank you for being the ONLY OTHER person in the world who sees 50 shades for what it was. I’m not even in, nor ever have been in an abusive relationship, but I read 50 and could not understand how everyone thought this was romantic. He HITS HER. Screw the whole sexual fettish and whatnot…I don’t give a damn what happens in the red room of pain (hello, but whatever makes your boat float)….but it seems like the ENTIRE WORLD overlooked those passages of the book where She said things like “oh no, have I made him mad?” and “oh no, I’ve screwed up…he’s mad, he’ll leave me…” and the ENTIRE FREAKIN SECTION where she says she UNDERSTANDS that he NEEDS to hit her and hurt her…that’s just who he is…but it means he loves her.

    But no…apparently everyone else got caught up in the crazy scenes wherein a whip was used to you know…create excitement. Which is NOT my cup of crazy tea, but again, whatever floats your boat in the bedroom is your own dang business. But when you write a book in which a young girl comes to expect and accept a controlling abusive asstwat as a romantic luuuuuvvvv….ARGGG. Nice going, Mir, you’ve upset my Saturday :-)

  22. 22
    Lucinda February 9, 2013 at 4:20 pm #

    I’m rather shocked that you didn’t know this about Bond films or any films from that era actually. Westerns were just as bad. I remember a teacher showing a clip from a John Wayne film as part of a lesson unit. We were at a conference together presenting sample lessons. I was appalled by the clip because Wayne hit a woman and then forced her to kiss him. I asked his why he thought this was appropriate and he explained that in the rest of the movie the woman was really mean. I pointed out that his students wouldn’t be seeing the context, only this clip. (I really liked this teacher but he was a bit older than my 22 year old self). Later he told me he reconsidered the clip, could see my point, and would be sure to explain that the treatment of women this way was not appropriate and wasn’t the point of the clip. It wasn’t what I had hoped for but at least it made him think. I suspect eventually he cut the clip entirely from the lesson.

  23. 23
    Kristin February 9, 2013 at 4:23 pm #

    Aw geez, now I have to reply to Dawn….and not in a bad way.

    I have had two intelligent conversations with women who read it. One was fine with the book and saw no harm in it…so maybe not so intelligent, but bygones.

    But from both of the conversations, we gleaned that in our hustle bustle world, perhaps the inner goddess (gag) is missing? wishing? for a romanticized time in which women were taken care of…like the romanticized June Cleaver. The idea of a man who takes control and gives us material things we want, notices us and makes us feel like pretty sexual beings is perhaps a deep X-chromosome trait that has been latent since the sexual revolution and subsequent Girl Power times. That perhaps we ladies are so tired and worn out that this is appealing.

    Okay,fine, I get that. I curse the women’s lib (jokingly) on a regular basis for my having to assume ALL roles in the household…but what I don’t get is the trade off….so in order to be taken care of….we have to give up all freedoms and live in partial concern or fear for our well being? That’s what I don’t get from these people.

    And when you bring this up with the average Christian Grey fan…they tell you to shut up and let them enjoy their fantasy….which is apparently complete, and not just sexual, domination. Which….what the eff???? Elizabeth Cady Stanton should come back and haunt these people.

    Okay, I’m done. Done.

  24. 24
    tarasview February 9, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    I KNOW RIGHT??!!

    I had never seen any of the Bond movies until I got married and then there was this stupid Bond marathon on TV and in my newlywed bliss I agreed to watch it with my husband (like 13 years ago) and I spent time in shock and horror.

    It took my husband a good 10 years to convince me to watch another Bond movie… because… GAH!

  25. 25
    Lauren February 9, 2013 at 5:51 pm #

    Try reading some of the old books. They’re pretty tame and fun and you can edit out the racist/sexist stuff (sorta). This is when historical context can help you make sense of a text, right? I adore the Daniel Craig movies, even Quantum of Solace! It helps if you read the books — starting with Casino Royale!

  26. 26
    Arnebya February 9, 2013 at 6:44 pm #

    I will agree that young Connery is worthy of mah continued ogling but aside from a couple of movies with him as Bond and maybe one with Pierce Brosnan, I can’t really recall others but I remember THE DAY I saw the name Pussy Galore and oh how I giggled. It was 1983, 5th grade.

    As for the 50 Shades garbage (I can’t seem to come up with a more apt description), I read the first book over a span of three months because I kept putting it down (read: rage and disinterest and a whip, so?) and saw no reason to continue to the next book. A woman, young at that, whose first “real” relationship is with a man who, aside from the fetish aspects like Kristin says above, “needs” to hurt her. Um, all I could think of was WTF and you hit me again, I’m going to knock the absolute shit out of you with this here cast iron skillet. I don’t see how people can’t seem to separate the fetish from the abuse. To me, they’re two disctinct things. Plus, if you’re really that hot over the writing in the book…you’re doing it wrong. I want to be apologetic for saying that (to the author and her fans) and yet? No.

  27. 27
    Valerie February 9, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

    Right with you on the 50 Shades of Grey. Since I’m working on that librarian degree, I’m generally all for someone picking up a book and reading, but there are some things that just make my brain burn. I tried to read a sample of 50 Shades, but I couldn’t get past the first few pages. Regardless of the story, the writing is horrible.

    Real life isn’t making it any easier for us to get past this myth that women want to be dominated. Look at Chris Brown. He beats the living crap out of Rihanna and it’s perfectly OK now. And heaven help anyone who tries to say otherwise in the Twitterverse. The amount of people–the amount of WOMEN AND GIRLS–who defended him during that fiasco with Jenny Johnson still astounds me.

  28. 28
    Patricia February 9, 2013 at 7:06 pm #

    Well, to lighten things up a bit, perhaps the episode of Portlandia about binge-viewing will give you a chuckle. We are big fans of serial tv viewing ourselves, netflix streaming has ruined me for traditional serial television. Portlandia did a hysterical episode in Season 2 on watching Battlestar Galactic to the point of losing their jobs and hunting down the head writer when the series ended for more episodes.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ob42vhhtw7A

  29. 29
    Chuck February 10, 2013 at 2:25 am #

    I’m not a huge Bond fan, but I read somewhere that a dominant feature of his psychological profile is that he really hates women. Based on your description of the early films, I can see how the person who wrote that came to that conclusion…

  30. 30
    Mary K. in Rockport February 10, 2013 at 10:23 am #

    I KNOW! “Carousel,” one of my favorites as a child, shocked me out of my shoes when I saw it again as an adult. The guy beats up his wife, then goes on to sing a lovely song (“My Boy Bill”) about perhaps having a girl child and how tenderly he will care for her. Similarly, watching another former movie favorite, “Two for the Road,” reveals that the guy is a real jerk (and Audrey Hepburn was much older than Albert Finney, and it showed.) Disappointment ensued – also, it’s hard to believe that I was so unaware when I was younger.

  31. 31
    Deanna February 10, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    Argh. 50 shades of rage… Blech. Aside from all the other reasons to hate it, it is also a very poorly written rip-off of the story of o. Which was also terrible but was at least novel for the time.

    As far as bond movies, for some reason I just can’t build up a head of steam about them. They are old and offensive for sure, but I always end up with a heaping helping of “meh”. Except for Daniel Craig. Yummy!!!

  32. 32
    suz February 10, 2013 at 12:47 pm #

    I tend to be able to watch older movies with an understanding that things were different, and they truly HAVE improved (even if there’s still much improvement to be had). I don’t like it, I don’t find that element entertaining, but I do really like the Bond movies.

    But last night I watched Mirror, Mirror, and there was a bit of smacking going on there and it was made in 2012. It pissed me off mightily – there is no room for that in entertainment today.

  33. 33
    Lindsey February 10, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

    I have to admit – I grew up on and love the coyote and roadrunner cartoons (not to mention Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd and Daffy Duck!) I suppose you could call them ‘violent,’ but they were also very clearly slapstick, whereas many of the cartoons and video games we feed our kids today appear much more ‘real.’ Call me crazy, but I’ll take Loony Toons over ‘Halo’ anyday. :)

    Timothy Dalton is my favorite Bond, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen any of them… :-\

  34. 34
    Allison February 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

    OK I couldn’t help but comment here – I have long been a fan of the Bond franchise because of my fascination with how powerful the female characters were, particularly when the movies were made. I read the article in vanity fair about the history of bond last fall and was quite fascinated to find that they actually toned Ian Flemming down quite a bit in terms of the womanizing and all that. I guess the hitting the ladies part never registered with me (but then again the fighting is so damned cheesy in those movies that maybe it just didn’t seem real). And now I am wondering what that says about me and my response to media!

    oh and for the record actually dating a guy like Bond? So far from anything i’d ever desire LOL.

  35. 35
    Melissa M. February 10, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

    You know the song “As long as he needs me” from Oliver? The character sings it after she’s just been beaten up by her boyfriend.

    And I’m embarrassed that I have never yelled at my husband about the violence against women in the JB films. I’ve seen it and never complained. That’s changing now.

  36. 36
    elz February 10, 2013 at 9:11 pm #

    We will have to agree to disagree. I started watching Bond films when I was young-maybe 12 or 13 and have seen ALL of them. Multiple times. I am also a feminist. This is a fictional representation of a spy set mostly in the 1960s- the international man of mystery. So, there’s going to be some womanizing, etc. There’s also a guy with mechanical jaws who can hang onto stuff with superhuman strength and man eating sharks kept in tanks, and…you gotta just watch them for what they are-a movie.

  37. 37
    elz February 10, 2013 at 9:15 pm #

    Also, you have to give them another chance and watch all of the movies several times so you can debate the relative merits of each Bond- Sean with his accent, Pearce (perfect Bond), Daniel Craig (yummy Bond), Roger Moore (good Bond), Timothy Dalton (meh Bond), and George (good- but brief).

  38. 38
    Shanti February 11, 2013 at 5:29 am #

    My fiance and I recently watched all the Bond films in order as well, and I hadn’t seen ONE until we started :P Oh my god… I totally didn’t know. I had RANTS where I had to pause the film because the words were tumbling out of me. Lucky for me my guy is the most patient man ever… but it was frustrating. Personally, however, I am totally turned on by the dom/sub aspect of masculinity/femininity, but really only in bed. Otherwise, we’re all equal damnit! So on one hand, I enjoy the movies because they’re somewhat tantalizing and I do think Connery is hot, but the feminist in me is outraged x__x And btw the only hot Bond IMO is Pierce Brosnan (after Connery). Roger Moore is a snore… good luck! :P

  39. 39
    Amy February 11, 2013 at 10:20 am #

    Fact: I’ve never seen a single Bond movie. Although if I do, it’ll probably only be the newer ones. Anyway, I digress…I just cannot with the being hit then falling into someone’s arms. When people waxed poetic about the 50 Shades of Grey nonsense and asked if I read them, I always replied “I was in an abusive relationship for five years, I sure as hell am not going to read about one on purpose.” Also, I usually also added that anyone can watch porn on the internet for free, so why would I purchase a badly written one in order to detract from the fact that I admitted to people far and wide that I actually stayed in an abusive relationship for five years. So yeah, I just don’t get it at all.

    On another note, I have promised my husband that we can see the new Die Hard movie for Valentine’s day…because I love him. And because thrillers make my heart beat really fast, which is almost like exercising.

  40. 40
    Zoe February 11, 2013 at 10:34 am #

    Your title of this post cracked me up…Jerkface is so appropriate when describing Mr. 007. Thanks for speaking out the rest of us who grit our teeth roll our eyes when the hubby suggests a Bond flick vs. a great rom com at the theatre.

  41. 41
    RL Julia February 11, 2013 at 10:56 am #

    I’m with you on the Bond front. For comic relief can I suggest the funny and also totally sexist Austin Powers movies? Heads up – don’t watch the Searchers or really any other John Wayne movie – cinematic classics as they are – they are also completely sexist (and racist etc…). Just be happy that these movies are all 40 years old – not contemporary films and the treatment/roles of women have progressed over time. It’s been several years since I saw James Bond beat a woman up into bed.

  42. 42
    Peggy Fry February 11, 2013 at 10:58 am #

    I always thought the Bond movies were… well….”smirky”. Very “oh look at me aren’t I naughty?” Ick. Now, I like the new ones with Daniel Craig because of all the things the old-Bond lovers hate – the character driven stories, the nuances in his behavior, and because he was the first Bond I ever saw who looked like he would just as soon kill someone as look at them. And could do it. This last one was remarkable – the aging warrior and what it cost him, and how experience could balance against youth. He still slept with anybody and threw her away so that isn’t an improvement. But it was at least not the main focus of the character.

  43. 43
    Kim February 11, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    Every once in a while, those “you’ve come a long way, baby” ads make sense. Except for the cancer sticks, of course.
    But honestly, a lot of the old movies/tv shows truly make me cringe. Rudolph? Santa is a complete asshole, and the sexism is rampant. Karate Kid? Not as bad, but the casual racism was all the more horrifying because that was *my* era. And yeah, pretty much every Western, every Bond movie. Oy.
    Look, people are into different things, and the forbidden becomes erotic, I get it. But I think our cultural sexuality is so skewed these days – on the one hand, abstinence training, on the other, tawdry sordidness – that I can see where complete surrender and helplessness might appeal. But surely, surely, we can do better. So V-Monologue on, Mir, we need some healthy voices out there.

  44. 44
    Leslie February 11, 2013 at 1:05 pm #

    Em is right! I remember seeing that Sean Connery interview where he said women needed a smack every now and then. I’ve hated him ever since.

    And just for the record, there certainly seems to be an awful lot of women out there that ate up the 50 Shades books, me not included. Pain is a huge turnoff.

  45. 45
    Morgaine Fey February 11, 2013 at 2:34 pm #

    Oh my, you wanna talk about poor relationships with women, you need to read the original BOOKS. So, so, so bad. Even for the era in which they were written. Misogynistic, racist, difficult to follow dialog–whole shebang right there.

    That being said, I think 50 Shades (while being poorly written drek) differs hugely from the Bond thing. 50 shades is poorly written Power Play and a enh sort of intro into the world of D/s. Bond is macho, macho, macho man. Everything ever manly is our James Bond. (If you want to read GOOD D/s seek out Anne Rice’s Beauty Trilogy…good stuff.)

    Also, it helps to think of Bond kind of like the Dread Pirate Roberts. A name passed on from super schmuck to super schmuck, otherwise the transition is jarring indeed.

    I still love the James Bond movies and John Wayne movies. They don’t show realistic situations of ANY ONE’S life, so I am cool with it being a fun fantasy that it is. An ancient bit of fantasy by today’s standards as well.

Design by LEAP