… and then I broke my hand on an apple

We went up to the mountains to pick apples on Saturday. So pretty! Idyllic! I kept cautioning Monkey about the uneven terrain at the orchard because “all we need now is for someone to break an ankle.” HAHA. No one broke an ankle; we picked a bushel of apples, and the boys ate some fried pie.

Back at home, I made an apple crisp and several batches of dried apples. Sunday night I was working on a second crisp and mounting the LAST FREAKING APPLE when my apple peeler/corer doohickey decided to slip off the counter, and I can’t tell you exactly what happened because I really don’t know, but let’s just say that the peeler won. Four hours at the ER later, I am the proud owner of a spiral fracture and a temporary splint up to my elbow. Baby’s first broken bone! I should send my folks a picture.

More to come when I figure out how to type faster.

90 Responses to “… and then I broke my hand on an apple”

  1. 1
    Ruth @ Living Well Spending Less October 15, 2012 at 5:49 am #

    Oh Mir. Just in case you were worried you would have nothing to write about, the universe came through for you once again. Hugs to you my friend. xoxo

  2. 2
    Carrie October 15, 2012 at 5:51 am #

    Oh, dear. Hope it’s not too painful and your recovery is swift!

  3. 3
    Beverly October 15, 2012 at 5:51 am #

    Urk. Unbelievable. I hope you’re not in too much pain!

  4. 4
    Amy-Go October 15, 2012 at 5:52 am #

    Oh for the love of – do you think you could just maybe nap until 2013? Or we could build you a bubble…

  5. 5
    Isabel October 15, 2012 at 5:52 am #

    Just ONE MORE THING huh? :-) I hope you feel better soon{ish}!


  6. 6
    ccr in MA October 15, 2012 at 5:56 am #

    Ow! You poor thing!

    Perhaps you should wrap yourself in bubble wrap until the new year? It would be awkward, of course, but possibly safer…

  7. 7
    DebC October 15, 2012 at 5:56 am #

    Holy fruit bombs, Batman! That must be one heck of an apple peeler. Would it help if I said “Better you than one of the kids?” No? Hmmmm.

    I sorry you got hurt. Did you get a cool color cast?

  8. 8
    Julie W October 15, 2012 at 5:58 am #

    Gotta second the bubble wrap. Life has got to start cutting you a break!

  9. 9
    Ingrid October 15, 2012 at 6:01 am #

    I’m still trying to picture this. (The apple peeler/corer thing slips from the counter, you go for the dramatic save – diving for it, arm outstretched like a soccer goalie – and you succeed! And it smashes you?) Bummer. If your apple peeler/corer thing is like mine, it’s heavy-duty. Ouch. Hope you’re feeling better soon!

  10. 10
    Lindy October 15, 2012 at 6:10 am #

    My dad types stupid fast with two fingers. You can do it!

  11. 11
    Lindy October 15, 2012 at 6:13 am #

    I’m an excellent typist (I imagine you are too… or were…), and after Squirt was born I adapted pretty quickly to typing very quickly one handed while sitting sideways in an office chair (the other arm being occupied holding and bouncing the baby). You can do it!

  12. 12
    Jean October 15, 2012 at 6:14 am #

    You have got to be kidding me! I also vote that you nap for the remainder of the year!

  13. 13
    brigitte October 15, 2012 at 6:14 am #

    Augh, thus impeding your drawing abilities EVEN MORE!

  14. 14
    Kate M October 15, 2012 at 6:19 am #

    Poor Mir! 2013 is coming…hang in there.

    A spiral fracture…were the docs and nurses all looking sideways at Otto and asking how it happened over and over?

  15. 15
    Melissa October 15, 2012 at 6:20 am #

    If your life were a fictional book, someone would make you edit this out because it was too crazy.

    Feel better soon.

  16. 16
    Mir October 15, 2012 at 6:36 am #

    Ingrid: I was pushing the apple onto the prongs and that requires a lot of force. I think when it slipped I continued pushing, but somehow directly into the metal. I honestly don’t know how it happened… only that it came up, I heard a POP and saw stars.

  17. 17
    StephLove October 15, 2012 at 6:40 am #

    Have you thought of changing your name to Job?

  18. 18
    Crisanne October 15, 2012 at 6:42 am #

    So sorry, Mir. I really have no words.

  19. 19
    Barbara H October 15, 2012 at 7:05 am #

    So much for an apple a day keeping the doctor away.

    I’m sorry you broke your hand, and wish you speedy and easy healing.

    And ice cream. Calcium’s good for broken bones, right?

  20. 20
    Jamie October 15, 2012 at 7:17 am #

    Urgh! Unbelievable. Hope for a speedy and painless recovery. Hugs, too!

  21. 21
    Tina October 15, 2012 at 7:21 am #

    I am so, so, SO sorry. What a horrid year for you.

  22. 22
    Korinthia Klein October 15, 2012 at 7:21 am #

    So sorry! Ouch.

  23. 23
    suburbancorrespondent October 15, 2012 at 7:22 am #

    But, seriously, isn’t it a relief to have something wrong that people know how to fix?

    Hoping you heal fast!

  24. 24
    My Kids Mom October 15, 2012 at 7:24 am #

    At some point you just have to laugh, right? (and those apple cutters/corers aren’t sharp enough- you have to press too hard I think)

  25. 25
    sassymonkey October 15, 2012 at 7:28 am #

    I am suddenly very happy we skipped the apple orchard this weekend…

  26. 26
    Chuck October 15, 2012 at 7:31 am #

    Ouch. Hope your finger feels better soon!

  27. 27
    Emily October 15, 2012 at 7:31 am #

    Only you Mir – only you! I hope you feel better soon!

  28. 28
    Varda (Squashed Mom) October 15, 2012 at 7:37 am #

    Who did you piss off in your last life? How much more can you take? Really, really promise me you’ll stay inside during the next thunderstorm, ok? Here’s hoping for fast healing. xoxo

  29. 29
    Jen October 15, 2012 at 7:42 am #

    Your insurance company should send you flowers. Holy. Heck.
    Dictation software helps a lot.
    And where shall I send your personal bubble? It’s full of wine and chocolate and airborne Prozac and is a one person panic room. Now I want one.

  30. 30
    Sheryl October 15, 2012 at 7:51 am #

    Dictation software and narcotics. Seriously.

  31. 31
    Mandy October 15, 2012 at 7:54 am #

    Poor, poor Mir. <3

  32. 32
    Genevieve October 15, 2012 at 8:03 am #

    Oy, Mir, I’m so sorry. I had a year of repeated injuries and I know how miserable it is when something else happens and you think ‘really? no. Really? REALLY?!? REEEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLLY?!?’ At some point, it does stop. It will.

    Wishing you hand/arm rest, good dictation software, and good health vibes and luck vibes for everyone and everything in your life.

  33. 33
    Angela October 15, 2012 at 8:06 am #

    2012 is just rocking it for you guys….do we have a countdown to the end of the year yet? Crap!

  34. 34
    Jen October 15, 2012 at 8:06 am #

    It’s AN apple a day keeps the Dr. Away. You overdosed…

  35. 35
    heather October 15, 2012 at 8:14 am #

    Oh Mir! LOL @Jen (34)….something like that.

  36. 36
    Beth A. October 15, 2012 at 8:27 am #

    well hell

  37. 37
    Sharon October 15, 2012 at 8:32 am #

    I was going to suggest a body guard…but after careful thought I would also suggest a cook, butler, maid, and chauffeur. Seriously. Do what they tell you to take care of that hand. Sending all good thoughts ~

  38. 38
    bonuela October 15, 2012 at 8:44 am #

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. i am sorry, i finally get it. you had nothing to write about this year so you have been making all of this up. nobody gets this much crap dumped on them all at once. very funny mir. now go back to your if-not-perfect-at-least-happy life. (please say “gotcha” now. PLEASE?)

  39. 39
    Pat October 15, 2012 at 8:48 am #

    When I was young, and we went on vacation anywhere near the water, my mother always took along blanket for the first idiot that fell in the water. Guess who was the first to fall in the water??? My mother of course! So it is only appropriate that if anyone got hurt after your comment then it would be you. Sorry for all the suckiness in your life this year! At least it’s October.

  40. 40
    Michele October 15, 2012 at 8:51 am #

    You can’t make this crap up! That is how my year has been too….only my stuff is not nearly as bad as your stuff. My stuff stinks for my life but your stuff is a constant reminder to me to suck it up it could be worse. So look at how your helping me! Yeah! Feel better Mir.

  41. 41
    Morgaine Fey October 15, 2012 at 8:57 am #

    THAT is pretty impressive for an apple incident. Mir, when you do things, you certainly do them big!!

    ::Hugs and Stuff::


  42. 42
    karen October 15, 2012 at 9:05 am #

    WOW… and they say an Apple a day usually keeps the Dr. AWAY!…. guess you didn’t get that memo. :-)

  43. 43
    Megan October 15, 2012 at 9:21 am #

    You have GOT to come up with a cooler story than that. I mean, mano-a-mano with an apple peeler? It just doesn’t have the… the oomph somehow. I suggest replacing the apple peeler with either a ravening wild animal (your choice: bear, tiger or rogue hippo) or an no-good-bad-guy (pirate or ninja is traditional). Last year I would have said zombie, but I think they’re overdone now. Also, instead of apple, try ‘helpless and innocent kitten’.

    You’ll have plenty of time to iron out the details while you heal, right?

  44. 44
    heidi October 15, 2012 at 9:29 am #

    Seriously?! You really should have some phenomenal karma coming your way. You are owed dude!

  45. 45
    Lucinda October 15, 2012 at 9:31 am #

    Megan just read my mind.

  46. 46
    cardinal October 15, 2012 at 9:32 am #

    Angela and I are on the same page: 76 days left in 2012. Hang in there!

  47. 47
    Karen R October 15, 2012 at 9:39 am #

    I hope the crisp was really, really, really good. And that the rest of your life is wonderful enough to make up for this past year.

  48. 48
    Michelle October 15, 2012 at 9:51 am #

    I think maybe it’s time for you to invest in some Wonder Woman type bracelets so that you can deflect some of this stuff that life keeps flinging at you. . .and even if it still hits, well, at least you’ll look good, right?

  49. 49
    elz October 15, 2012 at 10:01 am #

    Really? WHO does that happen to?! You’re so lucky. Just so da– lucky. Who knew apples were so dangerous? Feel better and I hope the doctor prescribed some rest & relaxation.

  50. 50
    Frank October 15, 2012 at 10:10 am #

    Can I sign your cast??? I have a great image of an apple and crossbones that is both cool and appropriate….

    On a more practical side… when you get your fingers back can you post some info on the peeler/corer doohicky? Peeling and core-ing are what keeps me from doing stuff with apples consistently, though having grown up in upstate NY I have a great affinity for them.

  51. 51
    Nancy October 15, 2012 at 10:15 am #

    Oh, Mir. Not something else. I hope that the doc prescribed some good drugs along with rest and relaxation.

  52. 52
    Jennifer Joyner October 15, 2012 at 10:25 am #

    I swear, if I hadn’t been following you for years and therefore trusting of your character, I would at this point have to believe you are making some of this stuff up.

    Attention God, The Fates, Karma, etc…..Leave Mir the hell alone!!!

    **Big hugs to you…and hopes for swift healing.

  53. 53
    Katherine October 15, 2012 at 10:29 am #

    Yikes! Hope it heals up soon – and that apple crisp had better get finished making by Monkey and Otto. You deserve some quality time cocooned on the sofa.

  54. 54
    Mary K. in Rockport October 15, 2012 at 10:41 am #

    I can’t believe it! Do you remember that Andy Capp cartoon figure, Joe Ftzl*blk, or something like that? He had a little personal black cloud that rained on just him all the time.

  55. 55
    Little Bird October 15, 2012 at 10:51 am #

    I thought I was the only one to injure myself in ways that strain the imagination!
    Feel better soon, and seriously consider that bubble wrap option. I’ve got yards and yards of the stuff if you need a source for it.

  56. 56
    RuthWells October 15, 2012 at 10:54 am #

    Oh for goodness sakes. Take it easy!!!

  57. 57
    not supergirl October 15, 2012 at 10:55 am #

    No. Freaking. Way. If that doesn’t prove that events are random, I don’t know what else does. I hope for quick healing for your hand. And you’re still pretty. So there’s that.

    (Somehow it seems right that it’s a “spiral” fracture. It just suits the year, no?)

  58. 58
    Anna October 15, 2012 at 11:29 am #

    Your readers are hilarious.
    Your life could be hilarious, if it weren’t so trying. Get well soon, Mir. And, um, maybe inquire about a big bubble for your family to live in?

  59. 59
    Rachel October 15, 2012 at 11:31 am #

    Ugh! Ice cream is full of calcuim & calcuim is good for your bones, so you must eat lots of ice cream, right? I hope you heal quickly. =)

  60. 60
    liz October 15, 2012 at 11:39 am #

    Wow, the universe really wants you to know that 2012 is an annus horribilus, doesn’t it?

    Sending hugs and ice packs, and love.

  61. 61
    Lulu October 15, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    Yowsa. I mean, really now. Apples + machinery can be dangerous! Although, I have to admit, when I read the headline I thought perhaps you’d been attacked by a certain brand of computer…

    This was also a fruity apple weekend at our house. I worried about falling off the ladder while I picked apples and I worried about knife injury while I peeled, cored & chopped apples, then I worried about burns while I stirred, boiled & canned apples. Whew. 10 pints of applesauce later, only a minor cut on one thumb. Clearly you had already appeased the apple demons. Thank you for that.

  62. 62
    Leah October 15, 2012 at 12:44 pm #

    I hope it heals quickly!!

  63. 63
    Annie October 15, 2012 at 1:39 pm #

    WTF ?? Hello? Universe? Stop now please, thank you.

  64. 64
    TC October 15, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    This is seriously ridiculous already. ENOUGH world.

  65. 65
    Stimey October 15, 2012 at 2:10 pm #

    COME ON. Mir, I want to come to your house and put you in a fluffy bed, pat your head, and let you just be for, like, several months.

  66. 66
    Katie in MA October 15, 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    At least you have all of those nummy munchies to take with your happy pills? ;-)

    I think you should narrate some blog posts to Monkey. The behind-the-scenes footage will be hil-ar-ious!!

    Heal quickly, mamacita.

  67. 67
    Birchsprite October 15, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    Oh dear. The good things have got to start happening soon. Right!

  68. 68
    Angela October 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    Geez, sorry about your poor arm! That sounds like something I would do though. I have the liquid Advantage that you put on the back of the dog’s neck for flea/tick/heartworm prevention. It never fails, that after I put the medicine on her, I tell my husband, “Now don’t touch the dog’s neck because you’ll get pesticide on you.” And who’s the one that ends up with toxic pesticide on their hands? Me, of course! He just laughs at me now when I say things like that. Pooh. Hope you heal quickly and easily.

  69. 69
    Jeanie October 15, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    My goodness. You just never know, do you? I hope you’re back in business soon.

  70. 70
    Marsh October 15, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

    Has Hallmark approached you yet about making a movie about your triumph of victory in the face of relentless tragedy? You have dealt with all of this so heroically. I see how hard your life is right now, but you seem to rise above and find a way to get through and even laugh sometimes. Thanks for sharing with us. We all love you.

  71. 71
    Zoe October 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    You have to run out of bad luck sometime soon and live the rest of your life under perfect circumstances, right? Right?!

  72. 72
    Reb October 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

    You’ve got to be kidding! I think you should spend the rest of 2012 lying on a nice warm beach somewhere. Somewhere like the north of New Zealand, where there’s no snakes, killer jellyfish or hurricanes.

    It’s nearly 2013, honest. Things have got to improve.

  73. 73
    Aimee October 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm #

    *shakes fist at universe in utter disgust*

    Really, 2012? REALLY?!?

    I like Amy-Go’s suggestion. I think that we should build you a bubble, perhaps out of extra donated tampons and shampoo bottles, and then roll you in bubble wrap to make extra sure you’re safe, and then leave you with enough ice cream, chocolate and wine to last you until New Year’s.

  74. 74
    Lisa October 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

    That’s awful! Do you have Siri? Maybe she can help. :) Be well, and I hope surgery goes well.

  75. 75
    Vern October 15, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

    Good heavens woman, did you burn down an orphanage of AIDS babies in a previous life or something? This is just plain ridiculous. Quick, go rescue a maimed animal BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

  76. 76
    Crista October 15, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    Now I see that you are having surgery. Geez, Mir, go big or go home. I hope the surgery goes exactly as planned (or better!). Sending prayers and get-better wishes for a speedy and pain-free recovery!

  77. 77
    EG October 15, 2012 at 8:38 pm #

    I am amazed. Impressed. Depressed. Something.

  78. 78
    sarah October 15, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

    Mother-F*&ker. Who are you? Job?

  79. 79
    Lara October 15, 2012 at 9:16 pm #

    I second Amy-Go’s comment. Hoping the black cloud of doom moves on pronto!!! Great blog fodder though, albeit slightly unbelievable ;)

  80. 80
    Karen Chatters October 15, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    Dude, I don’t know who you pissed off but you had best start apologizing to everyone, everywhere, for everything. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you heal quickly and 2012 ends VERY SOON.

  81. 81
    jwg October 15, 2012 at 10:21 pm #

    Exorcism! Now! Cause you have obviously pissed someone off big time.

  82. 82
    Lise October 16, 2012 at 12:34 am #

    Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! I’m so sorry, Mir. After all you’ve been through this year, you deserve a break. But not this kind.

  83. 83
    Theresa October 16, 2012 at 8:16 am #

    Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Remember that mirror you broke the day you walked under the ladder and opened the umbrella inside the house. Yeah, that day? Not such a good idea after all.

    Hope you are not in too much pain. {hugs}

  84. 84
    Emmy's Mom October 16, 2012 at 10:03 am #

    My older sister once broke her finger on a balloon. Yes, a balloon. This is the world’s way of showing us that even the most innocent seeming objects are really vicious creatures waiting to break our pinkies. :)

  85. 85
    Arnebya October 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

    This is all my fault. I think I said screw 2012 way too emphatically here and in my life over the past 10 months that now it’s out to one-up itself. Where’s my damn Ouija board?

  86. 86
    Amanda October 16, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

    You don’t do anything half assed, do you? Really. Sometimes you can settle for good enough.

  87. 87
    myboyzach October 16, 2012 at 8:50 pm #

    I agree with others: you wrapped in bubble wrap and put in a big bubble that bounces gently thru the house and neighborhood. Of course, there’s has to be a way for Otto, Monkey, Chicky and Licorice to get in (and out). Do not drive, do not attempt any stairs, or try anything else that might hurt you.
    Can we sign your cast??

  88. 88
    Chris October 16, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    Seriously? (I hope you won’t take this wrong when I say it seriously made me smile).

    Hope for fast healing

  89. 89
    kapgaf October 17, 2012 at 4:35 am #

    Oh Mir, were you being a Pink Lady or having a Gala in the kitchen ? Did you need Revival ? Did Granny Smith tell you to do it or were you just Pippin us at the post ? I’m kind of Tickled Pink by your story and the “Oh Mir” is to be read with a Scarlett O’Hara accent. May we have a photo of your cast in all its Splendour?
    I hope it gets better soon and that you’ll be able to dance the Polka with your favourit Primate.

    P.S. you’re not just pretty, you’re Scrumptious

    source : http://www.orangepippin.com/apples


  1. Hey kids, drugs are bad! | Woulda Coulda Shoulda - October 22, 2012

    […] us briefly retrace my medical steps of the last week. On Sunday night, I broke my stupid hand on a stupid apple. I then spent many hours in the emergency room with my long-suffering husband, and when we left we […]

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