Archive | August, 2011

Forward

by Mir on August 31, 2011 in Aspi(e)rations, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

So after one glorious week of “SCHOOL IS AWESOME!” and “THIS IS THE GREATEST SCHOOL EVER!” I had finally begun to unclench, a little.

Turns out that the honeymoon ended this week, though. On Monday, Monkey came home a little less excited than the previous week, and suddenly he was listing various transgressions he felt had been committed against him, and noting that “some of these kids really seem to have some problems,” which, you know, Pot, is terribly interesting about Kettle and all, but….

And then yesterday I got a phone call. As soon as I realized it was school, I’m pretty sure every muscle in my body just seized.

“We are only calling because Monkey really wanted to, and I hope that’s okay,” the voice on the other end of the line told me, as I could hear Monkey sputtering with rage in the background. (more…)

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My obsession with teeth

by Mir on August 30, 2011 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

I’ve been thinking a lot about teeth, recently. I took Monkey to the orthodontist yesterday, and although it feels like he only just got his braces off (okay, two years ago, whatever), we are fast approaching “stage two” time. In other words: the orthodontist clearly has a boat payment to make. They did a new panoramic view x-ray which showed that Monkey’s last round of permanent teeth are descending in a full variety of crazy ways, meaning that in another six months to a year, he’ll need braces AGAIN. Awesome!

In the meantime, Chickadee’s braces are scheduled to come off next month (and then she’s DONE) (we hope). The kids hate all of this and it costs a ridiculous amount of money, but I have this thing about teeth. I want them to love their smiles, so that they don’t ever stop smiling of feel self-conscious doing so.

Baggage? Moi? Why yes, thank you. I’m over at Off Our Chests today talking teeth, because here I am at 40, still trying to learn to love my smile.

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Adventures in groceries

by Mir on August 29, 2011 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", What do I do all day?

I could probably do the math on how many trips to the grocery store I’ve taken in my life, but math isn’t my thing and I don’t really feel like depressing myself right now, anyway. Groceries are one of my chores. If I need Otto to go, instead, I have to make a list, and I don’t do lists, so most of the time I just take care of it myself.

Of course, my version of “taking care of it” means that half the time I forget at least three items, and a good portion of the time I have done zero meal planning and have no idea what we need to get through the week.

Except milk. I always buy a couple of gallons of milk. That way, when the kids complain, “There’s nothing to eat!” I can lovingly respond with, “There’s a whole pantry full of food! Shut up and drink your milk!” (more…)

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My hero (?)

by Mir on August 28, 2011 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Ottomatic For the People

Longtime readers know that I’m not squeamish about much, but the bugs down here in the south—unfettered by a nice long winter freeze like the bugs where I grew up—do not screw around. They are free to grow to insane sizes and spend the entire calendar year plotting to suck out your brains through your ear. Or possibly your nose. I don’t know. I try not to think about it.

If you’re a newish reader, and stories about bugs aren’t going to make you scream (don’t worry, I scream enough for both of us!), you can review a few of my various delightful insect encounters in the archives. Why, there was the giant spider, meeting my first camel cricket, my battle with the garden slugs, the tomato horn worms, and—not to be overlooked—just one of many palmetto bug encounters.

The common thread in all of these stories is that I go from being a semi-capable adult human to gibbering squicked-out ball of fear and loathing in approximately .2 seconds. It’s a talent, really. (more…)

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The sneaky little puppy

by Mir on August 26, 2011 in Oh look! Something furry!!

Things have been so (relatively) calm and lovely this week that I finally remembered to tell you about Licorice’s latest adventure. BUT FIRST, here’s a brand-new game we’ve developed that you may enjoy playing at home:

Every morning before school, ask the newly-loving-school-more-than-life-itself kid if maybe he’d rather just stay home with you, instead? Reactions will vary but will never cease to be entertaining. This morning, for example, Monkey patted my arm and said, “No thanks, but I’ll stay home with you TOMORROW!” I cheered but then remembered that tomorrow is Saturday. That is CHEATING.

For a bonus round, when the OTHER kid, who’s been feeling like crap, makes noises about maybe staying home, merely make a sad face and say, “Well okay, if you think you need to. But then I guess no marching band…” and see how quickly she runs back upstairs to shower. (Football games trump sickness. Hooray!) (more…)

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Too cool for (either) school

by Mir on August 24, 2011 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, What do I do all day?

I continue to be a fount of all things smoooooth and awesome in my everyday life. As you would expect.

Did I mention that back when I thought I’d 1) have two kids at the same public middle school and 2) would probably be spending a lot of time sucking up to the administration for services for my kid, I agreed to be an officer in our PTA for this year? Oh yes I did. Because no matter how many times I go through the “volunteer… hate everyone… hate myself… remember that I hate people in general… wonder what made me think I had time to volunteer in the first place… pray for the merciful release of death” cycle, just like childbirth, the memory fades and I decide to do it again. Because I am stupid.

Now I’m That Parent who had a hissy fit and took her kid and went home, but is still nominally in charge of Many School Things Despite Being Slightly Bitter. What could possibly go wrong THERE? (more…)

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Wait-and-seeing and being seen

by Mir on August 23, 2011 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony

So we have good news and we have bad news today.

The bad news is that the new, potentially miraculous medication Chickadee finally agreed to try is making her sick as a dog. I stupidly started her on it on Friday, figuring it would give her the weekend to adjust, not realizing it meant we’d have to go the whole weekend before I could call the doctor if she had problems. Now I’m waiting for a call back and my kid probably should’ve stayed home from school today but was all, “I HAVE TO GO BECAUSE I CANNOT MISS MARCHING BAND OR I CAN’T MARCH AT THE GAME AND I’LL BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE AND P.S. I THINK I’M GONNA BARF.” Not fun.

The good news is that Monkey had a superfantabulous first day at Hippie School and it certainly seems that he has found His People. He had a doctor’s appointment this morning and he kept saying, “Can we GO? I’m missing SCHOOL!” So the children are sticking to their time-honored tacit agreement with me that I can only deal with one crisis at a time, in other words.

While I worry about my girl and dance in little victory-laps around the house about my boy, you can hop on over to Off Our Chests today to read about how the injustice of not being seen clearly started early in my life, and it’s still something I struggle with even today.

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Welcome

by Mir on August 22, 2011 in Aspi(e)rations, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Last night as I got ready for bed, Otto took Licorice outside for her last trip of the evening, then headed upstairs to put her in Chickadee’s room. Before coming back down, he must’ve stopped in his office and checked his email.

“We have an email from Teresa*,” he said. [*Teresa is not the Hippie School owner's name, but as I'm starting to think of her as our family's very own personal Mother Teresa, I thought it would make an apt blog name for her.]

“What does it say??” I asked, already fighting against a small, dark voice in the deepest corner of my brain that was only too happy to suggest that yes, on 10:00 p.m. the night before school starts, she’s decided that Monkey will be too much of a handful, and she’s very sorry, but would we mind very much just not showing up?

“Oh, you know,” he said, “mostly that she’s glad that Saturday happened and she’ll see us tomorrow.” He went off to brush his teeth. I went and grabbed my laptop to read it for myself. (more…)

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Clinging to okay

by Mir on August 20, 2011 in Aspi(e)rations, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Several of you looked right past the story of how I nearly didn’t recognize my parents’ dog when they so-sneakily showed up last Sunday to surprise me, and went right for the more important issue, which was: How did Monkey do with meeting some of the kids he’ll be attending Hippie School with? (I would like to buy some proper syntax for that sentence, but I’m too lazy to fix it, so just pretend it wasn’t the most awkward and rambly one you’ve ever read.) Last Sunday we had just two of his classmates here (along with a younger sibling and the younger sibling’s friend), and despite three being a not-so-magic number when it comes to play dates, the boys did great. A good time was had by all, and aside from a couple of minor skirmishes (only one involving my own kid, even), all was calm and delightful.

Monkey couldn’t wait to start school. Every day he’s been asking IS IT MONDAY YET?? and every day I have assured him that school will be here before he knows it. So when we got an email on Thursday letting us know that there would be a school-wide pool party today, I thought this would be a good way to say “Here’s everyone, and also now it’s nearly Monday,” and I put it on my calendar.

But then yesterday Monkey voluntarily went to bed early, which is never a good sign. (more…)

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The continuing extravaganza

by Mir on August 18, 2011 in What do I do all day?

Dude. Otto proves to be a hard act to follow. I feel like I have to have something extremely MEANINGFUL and HEARTFELT to share after he hijacked the blog yesterday and was all “My love will go oooooooooon!” while he stood at the prow of the HMS Woulda, hair streaming back in the wind. (Sometimes I get him confused with a movie I once saw, but I’m pretty sure that’s very close to what happened.) And now I should be able to show up in a corseted ball gown and tell you how turning 40 changed my life, and I had a deep personal revelation yesterday about the nature of the human experience.

The truth is that I’m still in my pajamas, and while I felt very loved yesterday, the deepest epiphany I had ran along the lines of, “Yum, cake is delicious.”

Sometimes shallow is deeper than me, it’s true. (more…)

Comments { 33 }
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