Two (not so) deep thoughts

1) In honor of the Super Bowl, I not only made Stephanie’s crock pot spinach and artichoke dip (which is, truly, one of my favorite ways to evoke a cheesegasm), I bought my family a fresh-baked loaf of pumpernickel bread to eat it with. (I ate tortilla chips and veggies.) For the most part, eschewing wheat is now so much a part of my life that I barely even miss it, but for some ready, TODAY that half-eaten loaf of pumpernickel is TAUNTING me. It’s almost unbearable. And I have no idea why. To make matters worse, an unbidden voice that sounds a lot like a bad parody of Freud keeps asking me what the pumpernickel REPRESENTS. Sheesh.

2) While quickly checking through my spam comments to make sure I wasn’t deleting anything that wasn’t actually spam, I came across one where the comment was “Blogging is pure vanity.” Of course, the spam link was for… increasing your seminal volume. Um, at least MY vanity doesn’t make a mess, dude.

(You’re welcome.)

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20 Responses to “Two (not so) deep thoughts”

  1. 1
    meghann February 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm #

    I haven’t consumed enough caffeine yet to have read those last few lines.

    Why is that even a thing? I’m kind of gagging, now. I mean, I like sex as much as the next person, but. . . ew.

  2. 2
    Arina February 8, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

    Bwahahaha. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. 3
    Em February 8, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    Really? Is VOLUME something guys concern themselves with? Really? Also, thank you for placing the cheese dip anecdote first. I, for one, appreciate it.

  4. 4
    hollygee February 8, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

    When I’ve inadvertently eaten gluten, I crave carbs. I crave FOOD, but carbs the most.

  5. 5
    JennyM February 8, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    Eeewwwwwwww.

  6. 6
    Angela February 8, 2011 at 2:21 pm #

    LOL – Volume! Maybe if you’re trying to conceive……or starring in a porno flick??? Yeah…EWWW

  7. 7
    Karen February 8, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    LOLOL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  8. 8
    Tracy B February 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    That, my dear, is the funniest thing you’ve blogged yet. LOL And just when I needed to laugh. (I’m going to get fired if you keep this up)

  9. 9
    Karen February 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    You know, my LOL comment looks.. phalic. Ick. not my intention.

    Now I’m really rolling….

  10. 10
    Tenessa February 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    I love unexpected little tidbits that make me laugh out loud. Thank you!

  11. 11
    Aimee February 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    You know, I gotta say that on the whole, I’m glad I’m a woman and not a man. It’s bad enough they have to worry about size and spend so much time wondering how to make things bigger than they are, but now VOLUME is a concern, too? Jeez.

  12. 12
    Bonnie B. Banner February 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm #

    Hello. I hope you read Dilbert today.

  13. 13
    Heather February 8, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    First CHEESEGASM and then messy “vanity”? I don’t know whether to die of laughter or of *squicked out*. :P

  14. 14
    Headless Mom February 8, 2011 at 4:33 pm #

    hahahahahaha! I needed that.

  15. 15
    Another Dawn February 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

    Believe us, dudes. Volume AIN’T what we’re lookin’ for. I’m just sayin’…

  16. 16
    Debra February 8, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

    Does increased volume increase a guy’s pleasure at the “special” moment? Make it last longer perhaps?

    I’m with Em, thank you for talking about cheese dip first before you talked about “volume.”

    But now thanks to you there are thoughts and pictures in my head that just should not be there.

  17. 17
    Karate Mom February 8, 2011 at 6:18 pm #

    I think I want to have a “cheesegasm”! (Was that too much info?) I’m going to have to make that recipe!
    And, to the second….EW!

  18. 18
    Debbi February 8, 2011 at 7:43 pm #

    HAAA!!! That was hysterical!!

  19. 19
    Megan February 9, 2011 at 7:57 am #

    Do you realize how difficult it is to comment properly after that? I have now deleted THREE comments due to unintended double entendre. Had it been intentional, of course…

  20. 20
    Ruth Tyger February 10, 2011 at 2:41 pm #

    That was too funny, I am going through the same when I delete the spam. I wonder how many of them actually think will get published on my site…LOL But I have not come across that one yet. Thanks for the good laugh.

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