Archive | November, 2009

Also, there were bears

by Mir on November 30, 2009 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony

A several-day absence here is somewhat unprecedented for me—even when I had my hysterectomy, even when I was felled by the flu, heck, even when I went and got married, in the five and a half years this place has been around, I’ve generally not gone more than a couple of days between postings.

Which means something really CRAZY must’ve happened this week/weekend to keep me away. Something unbelievable. Something all-encompassing. Something that took all of my time and attention and strength!

Yes. Well. Um. See, we’d had my folks here all week, and then there was Black Friday and there were leftovers to eat and days to spent in pajamas and children to snuggle and a dog to walk, and… then it was Monday. Hello, Monday! (more…)

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Love is thankful

by Mir on November 26, 2009 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Today I am thankful for many, many things—for my family, near and far, for a houseful of love and laughter, for a table about to be loaded up with delicious food, for a husband who silently worked around me as I wrecked the kitchen this morning, cleaning up after me before I even had a chance to ask him to.

And I would like it noted for the record that even in a time of hormones and angst, I am particularly thankful for a daughter who insists on—and creates—fancy napkins.

tgiving-2009

Happy Love Thursday, happy Thanksgiving, and I hope you and yours have fancy napkins (real or metaphorical) today, too.

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Concerts from the edge

by Mir on November 25, 2009 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I didn’t mean to disappear, like that, but I came down with an extreme case of Chickenwithitsheadcutoffitis. It’s not fatal—thankfully—but does cause me to talk to inanimate objects. Example: This morning as I brewed up a nice, big pot of turkey brine (mmmm, briny!) on one side of me while throwing cranberries into my food processor on the other side, I asked the brine how it was doing. To be more precise, I said: “How are you doing, brine?” My father is slightly hard of hearing, but from his vantage point at the kitchen table he wanted to know who Brian was and why I was talking to him.

With anyone else I suppose that would’ve been awkward. But with Dad it was more like, “I’m chatting with the brine. OBVIOUSLY.” And he nodded and went back to what he was doing.

Then again, I’m pretty sure the menfolk have already been sent to the store or on various other errands four or five times in the last day and a half, so he was probably just relieved I wasn’t going, “DAMMIT! I forgot the [fill in the blank with some ingredient here]!” I never realized that men require other men to go to the grocery store, but I guess Publix and husbands turns out to sort of be like women and bar bathrooms. (more…)

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Animal House

by Mir on November 23, 2009 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Oh look! Something furry!!

The parentals are here for Thanksgiving, and I know that many people find visitors—and in particular, family—stressful, what with the extra bodies and noise and dishes and foibles, but I am generally delighted to have other warm bodies in the house. Especially ones who are happy to entertain my children and buy me dinner.

(Sometimes it doesn’t take much to make me happy.)

These sorts of visits are always All About The Eating, and the fact that the Most Eatingest Holiday falls this week is just a bonus.

The new twist, this visit, is that of course last time they were here, we didn’t have the dog. So where the house is normally buzzing with excitement because GRANDMA AND GRANDPA!, this time we also have a small worried animal underfoot. (more…)

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Humiliation ahoy

by Mir on November 20, 2009 in Friends, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Once upon a time there was a kind, beautiful, talented, and extremely mentally ill woman who said to a few friends, “Do you know what we need? We need to start one of those group blogs and do a weight loss challenge, because it will keep us accountable and honest and I am rabidly competitive and I will mop up the floor with you. Doesn’t that sound FUN?”

I am pretty sure I was eating some cookies and didn’t really hear her clearly when I said, “Sure! Great idea!”

Oh, well. I’m stuck, now—I’ve committed to actually diet and exercise in the new year, and be publicly accountable for it, and here we are headed into the Season of Eating and a little voice inside me says, “Oh, I could probably just GAIN ten pounds before January, then take THAT off!” I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t even be cheating.

Anyway. Won’t you come join us over at Five Full Plates? I can pretty much promise you that I will have a full-on tantrum at some point during the competition. Maybe even more than one.

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Love gets the message

by Mir on November 19, 2009 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Thank you for all of the suggestions regarding delicious baked goods. I’m ten pounds heavier, now, having read the comments, but I appreciate it from the bottom of my straining zipper.

The meeting Wasn’t, which is to say that we thought it was scheduled and then it wasn’t and then we were left hanging and then I had to send some Very Stern Emails. Now we are rescheduled, which gives me more time to plan. And bake. In the meantime, the OTHER child (surely not wanting to be left out) came home with news of a “uniform violation” which required another Stern Email (the response was priceless, if electronic backpedaling is your thing), and also there’s the small matter of a missing project, which is a whole ‘nother story and frankly, I felt pulled in ten different directions last week, and this week it feels more like twenty.

Yesterday I had meetings and today I had meetings and I arrived home to a blinking answering machine. (more…)

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Bake your way through bureaucracy

by Mir on November 18, 2009 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I’m hip-deep in preparations for our next IEP meeting, which I’m told should NOT include some of my brilliant ideas, such as screaming, “You people are inefficient, heartless asses” or suggesting that my child could, in fact, receive a better education in a cage full of premenstrual orangutans. (I only believe one of those statements, actually.) (But I’m not saying which one.)

This time we’re bringing the Big Guns, by which I mean that we have hired representation because it’s become clear to us that that’s the only way anything’s going to get done. Sad, but true. And really, all of that pesky money I had tucked away was making my mattress all lumpy.

In addition to having many other brilliant ideas, our shiny new advocate has suggested that I bring food to our next meeting. (Don’t you love her already?) She suggested a number of things which are easy enough to pick up at the store, but you know me. If I’m going to kill them with kindness, I’m going all the way. I’m baking, baby.

Have a recipe guaranteed to turn even the most curmudgeonly drone to pliable goo? Please share. I need a good one.

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Important things (via Chuck Norris)

by Mir on November 17, 2009 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Ottomatic For the People

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I am trying with all of my might to continue to believe in the public school system in this country—and, more importantly, in my current county—but that recent circumstances are making that harder and harder. I have become That Mother, the one with all of the EMAILING and PHONE CALLING and, um, gray hair.

So on the one hand, we’ve got Monkey’s Situation, the Cliff Notes summary of which is: Gosh, I hope you don’t have a special needs child who gets good grades, because the school is not at all interested in doing jack for you if so. (Me, to Monkey: Your choices are to either un-special yourself or fail the standardized tests next time, do you hear me?) (Monkey, to me: Huh?)

On the other hand, we’ve got Chickadee’s Situation, the Cliff Notes summary of which is: Mystery illness ahoy, with a side of “I hate school” and a garnish of “I hate everything, actually, on account of I am a tween girl.”

And then, of course, there is Chuck Norris. (more…)

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People of Goodwill

by Mir on November 15, 2009 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Hooray—it looks like Chickadee is going to live. We’ll be headed in for some more tests, next week, but she’s stopped with the narcolepsy (which, quite frankly, was freaking me out) and feels well enough to torment her brother and talk back to us. So I’m pretty sure that’s good news, all things considered.

Yesterday I found myself full up on cabin fever after most of a week trapped at home with a sick kid, and I kissed my family goodbye and fled the house.

I didn’t need to do anything. Well, that’s not true—I needed to shop for a new bed for Chickadee’s room (which is also the guest room), but mostly I just needed to get OUT. So before I went bed shopping, I went to Goodwill.

I always have such high hopes for Goodwill. I… am not very bright. (more…)

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Helpful

by Mir on November 13, 2009 in Health is overrated, My name is Grumplestiltskin, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Good news! Chickadee doesn’t have mono!

Bad news! Chickadee is apparently severely anemic! Worse news! The doctor is now out of town until next week, so sorry, he’ll call when he returns to talk about “next steps.”

Helpful tip: Do not ask Dr. Google about children and anemia. Seriously. Just don’t.

If you need me, I’ll be spending the day hand-feeding my child popsicles, buying her ponies, and also bleaching my brain.

[Edited to add: Got a second call from the doctor's office to schedule a follow-up, and this time had the presence of mind to ask for actual blood test results. Hi, my doctor's office is staffed by morons---she's not anemic, she's the OPPOSITE (blood count too HIGH). Don't Google that one, either. Nice to know the spinach she eats is working well as she's potentially harboring a deadly disease, though.]

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