So, um, today is my birthday. I think I’m having a midlife crisis, except that instead of running out to buy a sports car I cried all over Otto a couple of nights ago about how it’s just SO STUPID to be upset over all of these little things which I am really quite upset over. The cry was good; I sort of got it out of my system, and in then the next day I scrubbed some bathtubs and did five loads of laundry and everything seemed better.

So far today my Facebook friends gave me lots of lovely wall comments.

My parents sent me funny cards.

Kira mailed me gluten-free blondies that are out of this world (and no, I AM NOT SHARING) in addition to a lovely purple tiara which I have maybe been wearing since 6:00 this morning when I opened the box.

Monkey serenaded me.

Otto gave me a big smooch and promises to come home earlyish.

And Chickadee came down with swine flu.

Okay, TECHNICALLY I don’t know if it’s swine flu. I’ve spent the day saying, “Well, if she gets worse, I’ll take her to the doctor.” And then she rallies a little and I figure she’s fine and then five minutes later I find her snoring and drooling on the sofa.

This is probably garden-variety back-to-school yuck, right? The “two confirmed cases of H1N1” at her school are probably just imaginary, I’m certain.

In the meantime, I’m working and tending to her and trying to ignore the fact that my throat is sore. Because it’s NOT. Because it’s my birthday, dammit, and I am old and therefore swine flu would probably not just ruin my day, but also kill me in my aged, weakened state. And I still have things I need to do! Like catch that stupid dog, who the neighbors are apparently feeding on a regular basis and therefore will never go into the trap we have set for him, because why risk getting caught for some bones when down the street they’re tossing hamburgers into the yard?

I think maybe I need to go lay down.

83 Responses to “Psychosomatic”

  1. 1
    Megan August 17, 2009 at 1:45 pm #

    Oh, best of luck with all of the above! My best friend caught swine flu when we went to Cancun a few weeks ago, and to say I had a nervous breakdown over this would be A GRAND UNDERSTATEMENT. I. lost. my. shit. Of course he recovered beautifully and it’s not even on anyone’s radar now, but that is endlessly scary, so I feel you. If he’s any indication, swine flu is nothing an Edible Arrangement cannot fix!

    Also, happy birthday! :)

  2. 2
    Leandra August 17, 2009 at 1:51 pm #

    Well, it sounds like your neighbors have found THEMSELVES a dog.

    Truly, I think Swine flu is not as terrible as they make it out to be, if that’s what it turns out to be. Seriously, everybody I know that has had it (or even the regular flu) have gotten over it in a matter of days. And just think, now you’ll be immune!! (Leandra: spotting the silver linings since 1972!)

  3. 3
    carrie August 17, 2009 at 1:55 pm #

    If it helps any, the flu swept our house in June — most likely porcine, but they don’t test for different strands here. If our experience is any gauge, it was the mildest flu I’ve ever seen. No biggie. Hope Chickie feels better soon.

  4. 4
    kat August 17, 2009 at 1:57 pm #

    Happy Birthday!

  5. 5
    Anna Marie August 17, 2009 at 2:14 pm #

    Happy Birthday Mir!! I hope Chickie feels better soon.

  6. 6
    Stacia August 17, 2009 at 2:14 pm #

    My husband’s ship broke out with the swine flu, but he never got it. It’s not really that bad, given all the hype in the media. But still, I hope you and Chickadee don’t have it. And I hope you have a very happy birthday.

  7. 7
    Melissa August 17, 2009 at 2:19 pm #

    Happy birthday!

  8. 8
    Megumi August 17, 2009 at 2:19 pm #

    Happy Birthday Mir! I hope Chickadee rallies and that you stay healthy. Most of all, I hope you have fantabulous Birthday!

  9. 9
    Chris August 17, 2009 at 2:19 pm #

    Hippo Birdie Two Ewes,
    Hippo Birdie Two Ewes,
    Hippo Birdie, Deer Mir,
    Hippo Birdie Two Ewes!

  10. 10
    Lisa August 17, 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    Happiest of Birthdays!

  11. 11
    Sharon August 17, 2009 at 2:24 pm #

    Happy Birthday!

  12. 12
    Damsel August 17, 2009 at 2:24 pm #

    Poor Chickie!!!

    My birthday was Friday, and it was SO INCREDIBLY SUCKTASTIC that I had a do-over on Saturday. I assure you, as the penultimate authority over such things, that you will be allowed to do the same, should your throat not cooperate and feel better immediately.

  13. 13
    Beachgal August 17, 2009 at 2:26 pm #

    Happy Birthday! Mine is tomorrow. I feel old, so I know what you mean. Hope the rest of your day gets better.

  14. 14
    RuthWells August 17, 2009 at 2:28 pm #

    Aw, poo on the swine flu. Happy birthday and treat yourself to a nap! We oldsters need our rest, you know.

  15. 15
    hokgardner August 17, 2009 at 2:29 pm #

    Happy birthday!

  16. 16
    Jennifer Joyner August 17, 2009 at 2:31 pm #

    Happy, Happy Birthday Mir! I hope both you and Chickie feel better!!!

  17. 17
    el-e-e August 17, 2009 at 2:38 pm #

    Oh, dear. I wish my 18-month old could go over and pat you on the back. She did that to her crying brother the other day, and I can assure you a pat from her could adorably CURE THE WORLD’S ILLS.

    Sounds like the purple tiara is helping, though. :) Hope you have a happy birthday evening!

  18. 18
    Jamie August 17, 2009 at 2:39 pm #

    Happy birthday to you, Mir! Hope Chickie doesn’t have the plague or whatever else and she’s feeling better quickly. Have a cocktail or glass of wine to celebrate tonight!

  19. 19
    Randi August 17, 2009 at 2:41 pm #

    Happy Birthday Mir! Mine was 2 days before yours – but I celebrated the dreaded 3-0, so I’m sure it was much worse than yours is :). I hope chickie feels better soon!!

  20. 20
    Mary August 17, 2009 at 2:44 pm #

    Happy Birthday to you! But geez, is there EVER a dull moment over there?!?!?!

  21. 21
    Neil August 17, 2009 at 2:47 pm #

    Happy Birthday. To another year of excitement!

  22. 22
    A.. August 17, 2009 at 2:49 pm #

    Happy Birthday Mir!

  23. 23
    Angela August 17, 2009 at 2:53 pm #

    Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday, Mir!

  24. 24
    Laura August 17, 2009 at 2:58 pm #

    Happy Birthday to you! I will be 51 tomorrow and I am going to have cake! I’ve been using that as my mantra to get past the 51 part.

  25. 25
    Groovecatmom August 17, 2009 at 3:01 pm #

    I am glad you like the blondies! She didn’t even give me one. She must love you lots. :) Happy Birthday!

  26. 26
    Ann from Minnesota August 17, 2009 at 3:21 pm #

    Many happy returns! And here’s the tip of the day – have a nice big margarita. That ought to kill off any flu germs you might be harboring!

  27. 27
    Amelia August 17, 2009 at 3:26 pm #

    awww…happy birthday. i’m glad you were born.

  28. 28
    Mit August 17, 2009 at 3:31 pm #

    Adding my wishes to the long, long line!

    I think you need a wand (that makes margaritas appear at will) to complete the purple tiara.

  29. 29
    angela August 17, 2009 at 3:39 pm #

    Happy happy birthday to the prettiest lady in the world!

  30. 30
    meghann August 17, 2009 at 3:57 pm #

    Happy Birthday!

    Oh, and the swine flu stuff is all just the media needing to scare us about something. Don’t sweat it. If I remember correctly, the death rate is even lower than with regular flu. So maybe you should actually hope for swine flu?

  31. 31
    Rachel August 17, 2009 at 4:05 pm #

    Happy Birthday! I hope your day gets better soon (and Chickie too)!

  32. 32
    Heather August 17, 2009 at 4:13 pm #

    Happy birthday! And a “get well soon” to Chickie.

  33. 33
    Erin August 17, 2009 at 4:16 pm #

    Happy happy happy birthday to you!!!

  34. 34
    Crisanne August 17, 2009 at 4:25 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Mir! And get well hugs to Chickie. I hope you can all stay well.

  35. 35
    bad penguin August 17, 2009 at 4:27 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Mir! I hope you stay healthy and Chickadee gets better quickly.

  36. 36
    annette August 17, 2009 at 4:29 pm #

    Sending you a virtual birthday margarita made with the really good tequila! Wish we lived closer so I could take you out for a real one….mmmmm salt and tequila!

  37. 37
    sassymonkey August 17, 2009 at 4:32 pm #

    Happy, happy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Alcohol kills germs, therefore I think you should treat yourself to a drink or two (and after a couple you probably won’t care about the dog either).

  38. 38
    ben August 17, 2009 at 4:33 pm #

    Happy Birthday! And get well, Chicky. It’s probably not swine flu. At least, not the bad kind.

  39. 39
    Katie in MA August 17, 2009 at 4:34 pm #

    As my youngest would yell, “HAPPY to YOU!!!!!” (I love that she forgets the “birthday” so much that I never correct her. I wonder how long the cuteness will last?)

    (P.S. – Drink the germies away. I promise it will work.)

  40. 40
    Lisa August 17, 2009 at 4:35 pm #

    Happy Birthday Mir! You are very pretty…today and every day!

  41. 41
    Velma August 17, 2009 at 4:42 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Mir! And I hope you don’t get sick, and that your dog comes back, and that Chickie wakes up tomorrow cured of both flu AND rash! (Or at least one of those things would be nice, right?)

  42. 42
    Cheryl August 17, 2009 at 4:44 pm #

    Cure for the swine flu: bacon, the more the better.

  43. 43
    Cheryl August 17, 2009 at 4:45 pm #

    Oh, and I meant to say Happy Birthday, Mir!

  44. 44
    Tracy August 17, 2009 at 4:58 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Mir! I hope the rest of your day gets better. I hate to say but a week ago I had the crude…it started with a sore throat. Take plenty of Vitiam C. It works, promise.

  45. 45
    Jodi August 17, 2009 at 4:59 pm #

    Happy Birthday!

  46. 46
    elizabeth August 17, 2009 at 5:00 pm #

    Happy Birthday!!
    I hope Chickie feels better soon.

  47. 47
    Monique August 17, 2009 at 5:05 pm #

    Feliz Cumpeanos! Or Happy Brithday! I feel you should celebrate your birthday like my culture does, with a pinata. Because nothing makes you feel better like hitting something repeatedly, and then it bursts with yummy goodies. You get rid of your aggression and then get further soothed by chocolate, which (as we all know) has no calories on your birthday, right? (I love being Mexican!) Anyway, lots of love to you and Chickadee.

  48. 48
    Marvo August 17, 2009 at 5:28 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Mir! BRING ON THE CAKE!

  49. 49
    Mom2Trplts August 17, 2009 at 6:02 pm #

    Happy Birthday Mir!

  50. 50
    Karen August 17, 2009 at 6:09 pm #

    Happy Bday Mir.

  51. 51
    Kailani August 17, 2009 at 6:10 pm #

    Happy, happy birthday!!
    Use your tiara’s full effect. Have yourself a cocktail and let Monkey and Otto rub your feet and feed you bacon. But not after rubbing your feet cuz that might be ew!
    Hope Chickie is feeling better soon and Super comes to his senses.
    Stay healthy!

  52. 52
    Summer August 17, 2009 at 6:13 pm #

    Happy birthday, Mir!

    So what do your new birthday shoes look like?

  53. 53
    Karen August 17, 2009 at 6:53 pm #

    OH, hey look… I see something shiney over there!… Cheer up, Mir.. it could be so much worse. Don’t you hate when people say that.

  54. 54
    Pat August 17, 2009 at 7:27 pm #

    This is the first time I have visited your blog and it lifted my day!! So funny. Thanks for the pick me up and have a Happy, happy Birthday.

  55. 55
    KATHY August 17, 2009 at 7:33 pm #

    HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you had a great day.

  56. 56
    kath August 17, 2009 at 7:39 pm #

    Happy Birthday – my doc thinks I had it back in May, they didn’t do the blood test because I wasn’t “that sick”. Watch your little girl though, apparently it hits the kids worse because they have never been exposed to any H1 viruses before ….

  57. 57
    Heather @ critterchronicles August 17, 2009 at 8:00 pm #

    Happy Birthday!

  58. 58
    ttulizzy August 17, 2009 at 8:01 pm #


  59. 59
    J from Ireland August 17, 2009 at 8:21 pm #

    Have a very happy Birthday from over here.

  60. 60
    ccr in MA August 17, 2009 at 8:41 pm #

    Happy, happy birthday!

  61. 61
    carolyn August 17, 2009 at 9:01 pm #

    Happy birthday!!

    My daughter and several kids on her church mission trip came down with flu like symptoms and ended up at the hospital ER in the small town where they were working. One kid tested positive for flu, 6 others tested negative. Turns out the one positive WAS h1n1. Did my daughter have flu? Who knows. Test says “no” but my feeling is maybe, even with the negative test. And she was 1600 miles away from me. Scary and frustrating, and thankfully, over now. Hope yours is over too.

  62. 62
    Katherine August 17, 2009 at 9:05 pm #

    Hope you don’t come down with whichever flu it is. One year my older son and I traded sicknesses on our birthdays – I got sick first on his birthday and then he got sick the next day on my birthday. Needless to say we had cake a different day.

    Hope your day got better and even if it didn’t – you can always celebrate again when everyone is well.

  63. 63
    Heidi August 17, 2009 at 9:16 pm #

    [Mi mi mi…] Happybirthdaytoyouhappybirthdaytoyouhappy

  64. 64
    coolteamblt August 17, 2009 at 9:23 pm #

    Happy happy birthday!

  65. 65
    Dave August 17, 2009 at 9:44 pm #

    Happy anniversary of existence! Today is Nate’s birthday, and we are all fighting the same sore-throat-and-fever nasties here. This too shall pass.

  66. 66
    Michele D August 17, 2009 at 11:41 pm #

    Happy Birthday Pretty Mir. Another year of goodness.
    Have some fresh from the garden veggies, that will make everything better.

  67. 67
    Headless Mom August 18, 2009 at 12:41 am #

    Happy birthday Mir! I wish you all things sparkly!

  68. 68
    Traci August 18, 2009 at 12:49 am #

    Happy Birthday :)

  69. 69
    mama speak August 18, 2009 at 1:09 am #

    Well, I’m pretty sure we told you not to let the kids lick any pigs! What did you expect? ;-)

    Happy B-day (even tho I think I’m an hour late your time, it’s the thought, right?)

    I think you should declare this your b-day week (that’s what I always do) and by Saturday (when Chickie is obviously better) you can have a full day of pampering, bacon & Otto time. (Otto! You listening?? Get the kids a sitter or nights at friends or what not!) :-) Mir, you’re purdy and have nice shoes!

  70. 70
    Jackie August 18, 2009 at 2:02 am #

    Happy birthday!

    And for Pete’s sake, go have a chat with the dog-feeding neighbors about how they need to participate in the capture of Super, not the enabling.

    And if they don’t comply, you could always threaten to leave Chickadee at their house for a few hours. They sound like they could use a few germs. (Okay, maybe that’s an evil thought.)

  71. 71
    Crista August 18, 2009 at 4:03 am #

    Happy Birthday Mir! You look ever so pretty in your purple tiara :)

  72. 72
    She-Ra August 18, 2009 at 8:20 am #

    Happy Birthday! I saw an article in the paper yesterday about chocolate bacon cupcakes at a local bakery and I thought of you! Here’s a link to a blog that did a review of it plus one other one.

    So I’ll send you a virtual Chocolate Bacon Cupcake as a gift. Enjoy!

  73. 73
    Karen August 18, 2009 at 8:49 am #

    A belated Happy Birthday, Mir. Thanks for sharing another year with us.

  74. 74
    Nicki August 18, 2009 at 9:01 am #

    Happy Belated Birthday!

    Now let’s focus on the good stuff. Tell us all about your cake. Cake makes everything better.

  75. 75
    Jan in Norman, OK August 18, 2009 at 9:14 am #

    Happy Birthday!

    For sore throat–take 1 1/2 ounces of scotch, bourbon, or brandy (must be one of these). Gargle with it. Swallow it. Go to bed.

  76. 76
    Stephanie O'Dea August 18, 2009 at 10:26 am #

    oh Happy Birthday!

    xoxo steph

  77. 77
    Aimee August 18, 2009 at 10:41 am #

    Oh… happy belated birthday! You’re so pretty! I barely made it onto Facebook yesterday, so I didn’t see your birthday notice on there. I hope that the blondies and other stuff balanced out the NOT swine flu, and that you had a fabulous day.

  78. 78
    Debbi August 18, 2009 at 10:48 am #

    Happy Birthday!!!! :-) Hope Chickadee is feeling better!!

  79. 79
    Kemi August 18, 2009 at 11:51 am #

    Happy (late) Birthday, Mir!

    Unless, of course, you decided to have a do-over, in which case, Happy (on time) Birthday, Mir! :D

    I hope Chickie is feeling better, and that she didn’t pass her bug on to you. Sickness a horrible birthday gift.

  80. 80
    Lady M August 18, 2009 at 2:35 pm #

    Happy Birthday to you!

  81. 81
    Lucinda August 18, 2009 at 3:41 pm #

    Happy birthday a day late. The swine flu is not nearly as serious as the news makes it out to be. Our schools closed for a week last May with at least 16 confirmed cases (I think it ended up being much more) and all the cases in our county were children. No one died. In fact no one got that sick at all. But after one confirmed case, EVERYONE who was sick got tested making it look much worse than it probably was. Hope she feels better soon and you don’t get sick.

  82. 82
    Dawn August 18, 2009 at 5:09 pm #

    Happy Birthday!

    Hope you dodged the flu, porcine or other.

  83. 83
    Chookooloonks August 19, 2009 at 2:02 pm #

    Happy belated birthday! hope you had a good one, and that you’re still healthy!

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