August 7, 2008 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Woohoo!

It’s incredibly hard to type while you’re dancing. Especially when you’re doing a little jig. And believe you me, I am doing a jig right now. I’m busting a move the way only a woman in an empty house can, because today is THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

(Dun dun dun!)

There’s absolutely nothing else like the first day of a new school year. The excitement; the inability to sleep the night before (them AND me); the carefully thought-out lunches (unlike the ones I’ll throw together in a hurry, later this year); the planned outfits; and—of course—the new shoes.

First day of school = new sneakers. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Bible. (more…)

August 6, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony

School starts tomorrow.

(And all of God’s people said “AMEN.” And possibly “Thank you, Jesus!” And maybe even “I love you so much, now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.”)

Last year, we were new, and the school the kids’ attend was somewhat in flux for a variety of reasons that aren’t important or particularly interesting. And the amount of information we—as a new family, having no idea what the heck was going on—were given was… well, I won’t say they gave us NO information, but it was… LACKING, is all I’m saying. We did find out about back-to-school night, at least. But we were never given a bus number. And no one told us about the Parent Coffee thing that would’ve been extremely useful to me, you know, as a NEW PARENT TO THE SCHOOL. Whatever.

This year, we’re all settled in and information is flowing out our ears, whether we like it or not. (more…)

August 5, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Woohoo!

503 days ago a realtor came to my house in New England and put a giant FOR SALE sign on my lawn.

Five. Hundred. And three (don’t forget the THREE!). Days ago.

For 397 days I have carried two mortgages. More accurately, for 397 days Otto has graciously both paid the mortgage on our house AND listened to me whine and wail as I paid the other mortgage.

This morning the sale of that house closed. It sold for almost 20% less than the original asking price. My “net proceeds” don’t even cover the conservative loan I took against it so that we could buy THIS house. Negotiating the equity split with my ex was slightly less enjoyable than that time my finger got slammed in a car door.

And none of it matters any more, because it’s over, and I am celebrating. I’d done a pretty bang-up job of repressing exactly how stressful this was, but now I realize I should totally be given a medal just for not becoming a junkie in the last year.

August 4, 2008 | My name is Grumplestiltskin, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

It has come to my attention that I may have inadvertently managed to bias my readers, a little bit, when it comes to the presentation of my darling children. Although it should go without saying that I find the two of them equally charming, there are some factors, perhaps, which may cause my representations of them here to be a bit… distorted. Some have said that I often post about Chickadee’s transgressions but rarely about Monkey’s, leading some to believe that Chickadee is a hoodlum-in-training and Monkey is a tiny, male Mary Poppins—practically perfect in every way.

This is patently ridiculous, of course. Chickadee is ALREADY a hoodlum, and Monkey doesn’t even own a magical carpet bag.

No, no no no no. I mean, come on. There is no favoritism here. My children are different and wonderful in their own ways, and just in case there was any doubt, my son is just as capable of being a complete buttmunch as his sister. (more…)

August 2, 2008 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, What do I do all day?

My job, right now, is to keep things as normal as possible ’round here, for the kids, and try not to let on that I’m exhausted and stressed out and worried and generally not at all interested in cooking or working or listening to the story of how that one Pokemon totally defeated that other one.

Some days this is easier than others.

Today I decided that maybe if I sandwiched together a bunch of errands it would 1) take up most of the day and 2) make it less obvious to the children that I was making sure we all have outfits appropriate for wearing to a funeral. Maybe I just think Monkey needs a tie because people keep mistaking him for a girl and that Chickadee needs a pair of dress flats because she’s about to start 5th grade. Who knows, right?

Back to that whole “no interest in cooking” thing: I decided we would start our travels by going out to lunch. (more…)