Comments on: Life isn’t fair

By: LiteralDan

LiteralDan — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 16:51:06 +0000

It sounds like you and Otto are absolutely making the best out of an unfortunate situation, and your hearts and minds are in the right place.

I wish you all continued luck in dealing with all of this.

By: JSEE

JSEE — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 18:08:39 +0000

Can I ask what the Judge has decided? I head into court tomorrow on the same issue, i.e. what will the summer visitation schedule be for our 4-year old and 6-year old …

By: Kian

Kian — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 01:30:43 +0000

I divorced 7 years ago and yeah, life isn’t fair but life is better. My ex, thankfully for me, suckily for the kids, only wanted to ensure that when I left, I was taking the kids with me. Like *leaving* them was an option. Then a couple years after that, when I remarried, he had the nerve to be peeved that the kids were calling my new husband “Dad” also. Too bad, life isn’t fair.

Best of luck with today!!

By: The DHX: The Doughtie Houses Exchange » Blog Archive » Links for Monday, April 14

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 03:18:27 +0000

[...] Woulda Coulda Shoulda: Life isn’t fair – “I have to believe that it will be okay, somehow. I sit here and try to push King Solomon out of my mind’s eye. Instead, I replace him with Chickadee and Monkey as grown adults rather than the gangly weeds they currently are, and in my vision they are whole and happy and whisper to me, “We love you. We love all of you.” It won’t be fair, but it will be enough. “ (more) [...]

By: Shannon

Shannon — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 04:46:30 +0000

(((Hugs)))

By: Karen (from Our Deer Baby)

Karen (from Our Deer Baby) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 23:03:11 +0000

{{{{ HUGS }}}}

You are a great mom, Otto is a great dad, and your kids will be fine, even it it’s not always easy to have that confidence about them.

Karen

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 21:39:42 +0000

Thank you for writing this. I too asked him to leave and feel the guilt everytime we have to talk about our daughter. Everything that has ever been wrong in his life is a result of someone else. He is totally blameless. I was angry and guilty too. I’ve not quite made it to the acceptance stage yet. Sometimes I wonder, should we just get back together for the sake of my daughter and her happines. Then I guess I really would be crazy like he tells her. You and your family will be in my prayers.

By: Zelda

Zelda — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 18:45:33 +0000

I am a child of divorce…a very acrimonious and horrible, messy divorce. My mom was mired in depression for a few years afterwards, and my dad couldn’t have been more of an asshole when he spoke about her (while he was busy getting married to the woman he cheated on my mom with). And money was tight and I knew too much too soon and grew up too fast.

But now? I am seriously grateful to have learned some life lessons earlier than most people have to learn them. My mom showed me that it is possible to overcome impossible odds (she had never worked and suddenly needed to support 5 children). She taught me to never depend on another person for money or anything else–which doesn’t mean that I can’t be a stay at home mom, but that I keep my mind and options open at all times.

I love my mom more than anything. My brother and three sisters and I are closer than we would have been without the divorce, sadly enough. And while we all went through an I-hate-my-dad phase, I think now we accept him with his flaws. It’s taken time and a lot of pain, but in the end…it is all okay, really. And perhaps better in some ways that we were disillusioned early on and didn’t have too many idealistic misconceptions about life and marriage and relationships to shatter. I think I have made wise decisions in relationships….looking for different characteristics in a partner than I might have otherwise.

You’ll be fine, and your kids will be better than fine.

By: Ali B.

Ali B. — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:31:21 +0000

Hey, Mir. This is beautiful. My own parents divorced. And there were things about it that weren’t fair, and there were and still are – all these years later – kind of sucktastic. But Mir? The divorce was the very best, least-unfair, least-sucktastic option. I know that, I feel that, in my heart of hearts. Your kids will, too.

Funny how one person’s tearing-the-children-from-their-father is another person’s allowing-your-children-to-breathe. Speaking personally, I liked breathing a whole lot more than not-breathing.

No, no, it’s not fair, and I’m sorry for that. But you’re showing real grace in this fourth stage, even if they’re saying things that make you want to vomit.

(after the fourth stage may come a fifth, and then a sixth…and each one will be a little easier, on everyone)

Regarding summer, I once heard this said about compromise: that you know it’s a good compromise only when everyone ends up unhappy. Thanks for not going all King Solomon on us. Hang in there.

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:22:30 +0000

You know yesterday when I emailed you back about cleaning up the dog poo, I had no idea what you meant by “bad day”. You totally win.

I can feel what you wrote here. I came from divorce then later married a divorced man. I hated my step father growing up and now am the stepmother they would like to see get flattened by a piano. And also? On dark days when I doubt that my husband and I will make it, I wonder if I’m strong enough to not be fair.