Archive | March, 2008

Failing my duties as a white parent

by Mir on March 19, 2008 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I’ve seen a lot of people reference Stuff White People Like recently, either amused or outraged, and I have to say that I haven’t yet decided which side of the fence I land on. Some of the stuff there is pretty funny, albeit irreverent. (Which is of course WHY it’s funny….)

Anyway, I’ve seen lots of discussion of item number 16, Gifted Children. We all have gifted kids! White people like gifted kids! Also, when our kids mess up, it’s just because they’re TOO gifted to function on this mundane plane of existence! This is what I’m supposed to believe, apparently.

Well, first of all, I am here to tell you that my gifted children (preshus! gifted!) are (I presume) a lot more difficult to raise than their less-gifted (and less NEUROTIC, I mean, let’s be honest here) counterparts. Second, here come the Political Correctness Police to haul me away, but at least one of my gifted kids is L-A-Z-Y. (more…)

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The very definition of pitiful

by Mir on March 18, 2008 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

The children are home, yes, and boy are their arms tired. (Ba dum bump!) Between the time change, the vacation, and the hellish trip back, they are exhausted beyond all reason. Waking them up yesterday morning for school made me feel like a card-carrying sadist, and yesterday afternoon as first one and then the other melted down while we were out, they took turns pulling themselves together out in the car while I watched from twenty feet away. Chickadee took that opportunity to read a few pages of a book and then slink back over to me and apologize; Monkey clambered into his seat and promptly FELL ASLEEP in broad daylight.

It is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.

Of course, poor Monkey got an extra helping of torture, because despite his last tragic trip to the orthodontist he was all excited to go BACK again yesterday! (more…)

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Nevermind

by Mir on March 17, 2008 in My name is Grumplestiltskin

There was another post here, but my husband very rarely suggests I remove something from the site, and… actually, he has never before suggested that I take something down. But today he did. And even though I am extremely annoyed at him right now, he’s probably being more sensible than me.

So here is what I can tell you, instead: The effort I put into preparing a given recipe is inversely proportional to how good the food turns out. Take a bunch of crap out of the fridge and throw it in the crockpot? Delicious! Painstakingly slice and dice and carefully brown the meat and reduce the sauce and braise and such? Meh.

You’re welcome. (The other post was more interesting, but whatever. I apparently enjoy throwing my work away.)

Comments { 41 }

I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore

by Mir on March 15, 2008 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", My name is Grumplestiltskin

So last night we grabbed a couple of friends and headed out to a little dive for beer and wings, because that seemed like a fitting way to celebrate our last child-free night. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot get the kids interested in hot wings. (Or beer. Damn kids.)

So anyway, first someone brought us some water and then DIED, or at least that’s what we assume happened, because after a good half hour of sitting there with just water, Otto had to go track down someone to wait on us. The gentleman he brought back was extremely sweaty and I could not stop staring at his hairline, where his hair was plastered down with wet and beads of sweat clung to his forehead. “What do you suppose he’s doing that’s MAKING him that sweaty??” I asked, after he left; but even as I said it, I realized that was one of those questions I really didn’t want answered. (more…)

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And then I dreamed I shaved my head

by Mir on March 14, 2008 in Uncategorized

So, as it turns out, it’s rather difficult to follow-up a deep, dark angsty post in any meaningful way, and today I’m tired enough that I’m not even inclined to try. Last night’s dream notwithstanding, life has continued on exactly as before, because it turns out that the world does not have the courtesy to stop spinning whenever I’m having a spiritual crisis. Dammit.

Anyway, um, the nice folks at BlogHer are doing a survey:

This is a big survey graphic, right here

 
It would be swell if you would take a few minutes to answer a few questions, especially if you’re a regular around here. You could even win a free pass to BlogHer ‘08, which would be cool. But more importantly, you’ll be saving the planet. Or just helping to make sure that my ads aren’t any more obnoxious than absolutely necessary. So. Thanks!

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Sometimes love don’t come easy

by Mir on March 13, 2008 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, The Year of Living Changerously

Otto has one of these, and this morning I played with it for a while. I wanted to take a picture of something I love that feels like it’s hard to grasp, right now, because Lensbabies pictures always look like you’ve captured something fleeting.

(more…)

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Hello Operator, please give me number 9

by Mir on March 12, 2008 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

I have a love-hate relationship with the phone. On the one hand, it IS a device for making with the talky-talky, and anyone who’s ever met me knows that I am quite enamored of the talking. OBVIOUSLY. And I clearly recall having spent the majority of my teenage years with a phone stuck to my head. But now in real, adult life… well, the phone, it vexes me.

Of course, telemarketers are part of the reason I find it vexing. And yes, there’s that whole DO NOT CALL list, but it turns out that there’s so many caveats on that list, it’s next to useless. Anyone with whom you’re already doing business, for example, is allowed to call you about new products. So my credit card companies are free to call me up to offer me THE REGISTER to prevent identity theft and pay my bills should I become incapacitated and possibly administer foot rubs to my husband if I’m unavailable… all for the LOW LOW PRICE of one pound of flesh per month! Stuff like that. (more…)

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Carefree newlyweds

by Mir on March 11, 2008 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Ottomatic For the People

Hey, remember when Otto and I got married? And then went on the world’s shortest honeymoon while I coughed up a lung? Wasn’t that fun? I mean, except for the lung-coughing part?

And then we had to part ways (again!) and later, when it was time for me to move down here, which involved a long drive and then mortgaging ourselves into submission before the children arrived.

My point here is that it’s possible that Otto and I never really had a good stretch of time to just hang out, just the two of us, and enjoy our newlywed bliss. (more…)

Comments { 30 }

Resetting clocks and hiding bodies

by Mir on March 10, 2008 in I'm dating the television, What do I do all day?

Well, it’s been a pretty wild weekend. Otto returns later today, and I still have some cleaning to do before he does. For example, I need to clear a path to the office, so that the DSL guys can come hook me up this afternoon.

Also, I need to hide the cookies. Oh! Wait—I already ate the cookies. Well, then! One less thing to do.

Honestly, I had big plans for my weekend, what with the BEING ALL ALONE for two whole days, but in the end I remained the uneventful bore that I am. The only difference, really, was that without Otto here, I was free to watch as many stupid programs on TLC as I wanted without him making fun of me. And I do loves me some TLC trainwreck programming, it’s true. (more…)

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No thank you

by Mir on March 8, 2008 in It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

1) Some freak stumbling across some pictures of my shoes and then contacting me to ask if I have any for sale, claiming to be a thrift store owner. Suuuuure you are, Sleazy McFetish.

2) Having to get up at 4:30 to get the family out the door for their flight up to New England.

3) Having my daughter decide at 5:00 in the morning that she forget to pack something. A, I do not care, B, it’s a good thing you’re about to leave for a week, and C, get out and let me go back to bed.

4) Being wide awake at 5:15 after everyone has left and I am free to go to sleep.

5) Snow. In Georgia. In March. (Whaaaaaaa?)

6) Knowing I should be working, even though it’s Saturday.

7) Acne. Just because, well, OBVIOUSLY.

Comments { 21 }
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