As is so often the case, the moment where I hit the wall—and it happened yesterday morning right before I wrote that post, which was right after my darling son took a swig of the medication I offered and then promptly gagged and spat two teaspoons of liquid somehow, inexplicably, into a gallon of mess on himself, the couch, and the carpet—is the moment where things start to improve for no reason at all.
Throughout the day I read through your kind comments and grumbled to myself at every suggestion of shakes or protein powder or anything else. Because he was eating NOTHING. He was drinking NOTHING. He was shoving ice cream away, whining that it was too cold. He was saying he couldn’t drink through a straw because it hurt and that he couldn’t drink from a cup because he couldn’t get his mouth right on the rim. He was taking an hour to eat two ounces of yogurt and crying about it like I was beating him. I was at rock bottom in terms of how to care for my kid, and it was killing me.
But last night he ate four bites of mashed sweet potato! And half a piece of cornbread! (Mushed up in a bowl and drowned in melted butter so as to resemble the consistency of porridge, but still!) And then this morning it only took him half an hour to eat a single toast triangle and drink a cup of milk! We shall call it progress. YES WE WILL.
In the meantime, it appears that Easter is nearly upon me. And you can call me a slacker (go ahead, it’s true, anyway) if you like, but somehow between the whole “my son is a starving cyborg” drama and the decision to find a new church, I sort of, um, well, forgot.
So now it’s Friday and here is what the Easter Bunny has done so far: Hello? Easter Bunny? HELLOOOOOOOOO? Status, please? Oh, right. Thanks. The Easter Bunny is pleased to report that last summer when all of the pool accessories and stuff went on clearance, there was a trip to Target wherein he picked up some new goggles and dive sticks for the children. Because nothing says CHRIST IS RISEN like DUDE WE CAN OPEN THE POOL SOON!
[Last night Otto told me that there’s algae growing on the swamp on TOP of the pool cover, which means we’re likely to have an algae issue IN the pool when it’s time to open it, despite the billion dollars we spent on chemicals when we closed it in the fall. Which means I am hoping the Easter Bunny brings ME some algaecide, because that shit is expensive.]
The Easter Bunny would ALSO like to report that he has purchased… what’s that? You have WHAT? Okay, the Easter Bunny says he has—in addition to the pool stuff—“jack.” And I don’t know what jack is, but— Oh. Right. Jack.
So I was bemoaning my lack of planning to Chris this morning, and saying how maybe if we hadn’t spent so much time the last couple of days talking about hummus recipes I might’ve gotten it together to go buy some Easter candy, and then of course we started talking about how Monkey can’t have any of the good stuff, anyway, both because he can barely eat anything at the moment AND because the orthodontist gives you a list a mile long of things that are forbidden. And they might as well have named that list DELICIOUS EASTER TREATS because jellybeans are too chewy and Sweet-Tarts are too hard and caramel is too sticky and blah blah blah.
So Chris and I decided that Cadbury should make hummus-filled eggs. It’s possible that it was funnier to us than it will be to you. It was especially funny to me because Monkey doesn’t like hummus, anyway, so that would solve the problem of him trying to figure out how to eat it….
And now I have a shocking confession to make. I don’t really know why, but I have NEVER bought chocolate bunnies for my kids. We’ve always had smaller treats. But guess what? There’s a first time for everything, and chocolate—plain, ungooey chocolate, preferably of the not-too-thick, chiseled-off-a-hollow-bunny variety—is about the only Easter goody that Monkey is going to be able to eat, anyway. So I am going out later to buy the biggest chocolate bunnies I can find.
Unless, you know, I can find those hummus eggs.