July 19, 2007 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

I should not poke fun at people who come here via random internet searching. It’s not kind, and it probably only entertains me.

On the other hand, it does entertain me quite a bit, and I’m pretty much in charge, here.

(Also, nothing interesting happened today unless you want to count Chickadee and Monkey begging to watch a movie before bed, and me telling them the conditions under which that would happen, and them screwing around and taking too long to eat dinner and shower, and then when I informed Chickadee that she had wasted her time and there would be no movie, she went upstairs and told Monkey that HE took too long and so there would be no movie. And then Otto asked me at what point it is appropriate to intervene on Monkey’s behalf in the “psychological warfare” which Chickadee so often wages against him.) (more…)

July 18, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Ottomatic For the People

This week has been a slippery slide into “I hate everyone and everything” territory, much to the chagrin of my family. Whoops! Not you! I don’t hate YOU! Except when you talk to me in that tone of voice. Or look at me that way. Or breathe. Do you have to do that quite so LOUDLY?

I think we all hit the wall this week, and it’s right and good and necessary, but that doesn’t make it fun. We are all cranky and feeling adrift, I think. I would like a vacation. What? You say this IS my vacation? Oh. Right. Please kill me.

Ahem.

So in an attempt to get out of my current rut (that lovely low spot wedged between “woe is me” and “everyone sucks”), I’d like to think about the good stuff, however briefly. (more…)

July 17, 2007 | Health is overrated, My name is Grumplestiltskin

You know how people say that “truth is stranger than fiction?”

The thing about fiction is that you WANT it to seem like truth, so it can’t be TOO outlandish or people would say “No way, that would never happen.” Even though the things that happen in real life are FAR stranger and worse and weirder, because those are the things no one would believe if they weren’t true.

My life, for example. It would be terrible fiction. Who would believe it?

Okay, maybe not my WHOLE life. But today, for sure. Today started out great and then just kept sliding downhill at a gallop and now it’s all I can do to pull my face out of this box of cookies and tell you about it. (more…)

July 16, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I’ve mentioned that we have children in our new neighborhood. Real! Live! Children! This is a novelty for us and an exciting one, at that. Boys Monkey’s age! A girl Chickadee’s age! Heaven.

Well, it was heaven for about two days.

Let’s just say that I am learning a lot of patience and also exercising my boundary-setting muscles. Boy, am I flexing. FLEX FLEX FLEX. I am about two incidents away from standing out front with a rake and screaming YOU DAMN KIDS GET OUT OF MY YARD.

And I seriously doubt anyone will bring me pie if I start doing that. (more…)

July 15, 2007 | Friends

We had some people over for dinner tonight, and by “some people” I mean “friends of Otto’s” and by “dinner” I mean “sort of a barbecue where we all hang out on the porch for most of it.”

The house is not “done” by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s close enough that we were able to take the unopened boxes and shove them out of the way, more or less, and after I vacuumed and Otto finished pulling down the painter’s tape waaaaay up high that’s been there for, um, three weeks (shut up) it almost looked like we live here for real.

These were all people I’ve met before, good and nice and funny people, but the entire thing made me feel somewhat melancholy because in spite of that they are not MY people. They are Otto’s people. (more…)

July 13, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I wasn’t kidding when I said that Chickadee learned how to dive.

After three hours in the pool this afternoon, I think it’s safe to say that the children are plumb tuckered out. Me, I’m just proud of my little fishies, even if I am hearing a Ricky Martin-esque version of She Dives, She Dives in my head as a result.

July 12, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I bruise incredibly easily; I always look like someone has been beating me. It is because of this propensity for appearing battered (not to mention my fragile disposition) that I am apt to fan myself and declare that I’m a delicate flower.

(Stop laughing.)

So the other day, Otto reports that he was sitting at the table with the kids (I was next door, being told by a new neighbor that she’d meant to bring us some brownies but that they were “still in the box in the cupboard”) (I liked her immediately) trying to get them to finish their dinner. The skies had just opened up, and they were discussing whether or not I could get back home in the rain okay. (more…)

July 11, 2007 | Health is overrated

Slowly, ever so slowly, we are unpacking and taking care of the things that need to be taken care of. I finally changed my cell phone to a local number, only to discover that the previous owner of my number apparently had a lot of unpaid bills. (At least all of those bill collecting calls for someone on my cell phone are things that are being charged against my minutes, rather than all the wrong numbers we get on the home phone for free.)

I’m still busy hassling the local school district over the kids’ school placement (that’s another post or five for another time), and it occurred to me that one of the things that we need are immunization records in a Georgia format. Because that would be totally different than their current immunization records. (more…)

July 10, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Feel free to tell me that your children torment each other as much as mine do, because it will make me feel better and also greatly lessen the chances of my grabbing one in each hand and banging their heads together.

Oh, you know I love my kids, and I truly believe them to be Good Kids and Nice Kids and for the most part they really do play well together. But apparently the displacement of being in a new house in a new state is carte blanche to ANNOY THE EVERYLOVING CRAP out of your sibling while also running to Mama to complain every third second or so.

Needless to say, this is completely awesome. Now I don’t even have to decide which I like better, the endless bickering or the constant tattling. I AM SO LUCKY! (more…)

July 9, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Things I need to stop doing:

1) Thinking it would be a good idea to bake bread in the middle of the day when it’s a zillion degrees outside.
2) Trying to reach a human at my bank.
3) Shouting “WE LOVE YOU, POOL MAN!”

Hey, guess what! The pool’s fixed.

The. Pool. Is. Fixed. For once, it wasn’t the worst case scenario. We were totally primed for “the liner’s cracked, the pool was built on top of a fault line, fire ants are eating the plumbing, there are corpses clogging the filter.” Something like that. The pump is going to require some repair, but it’s working for the short term, at least, and the rest can be dealt with later. (more…)