1. Some people DO have DBA’s set up in their legal name. Being just a lowly bank teller, I have no idea what the point of that is– I asked one guy (with that setup) and he looked at me as though I were an idiot and said, “For tax reasons.” Whatever.

2. The Patriot Act does indeed control every aspect of business banking. From what I understand, it goes something like this: most money laundering is done through false business accounts and a lot of it benefits terrorists and other BAD PEOPLE like drug lords, etc. To prevent false business accounts from being opened up, any account opened for a business requires proof of that business: the incorporation papers or whatever. Unfortunately that means that for every one BAD account *not* opened, hundreds of innoccent business owners are hassled. That woman was right only when she finally realized that no, she couldn’t open the account without the DBA certification. At least, not if she worked for BofA where they are really really really anal about THE LAW.

3. I can’t figure out half of the clever hints people use about their bank names– which is why I came out and said where I work. I get “sounds like Cells Largo”, but what kinda-rhymes with Dumbass? And what starts with S and thinks they’re an empire? Please, enlighten the un-clever!

4. The company I work for does many annoying things, like giving me an 8-cents-an-hour raise. But it does not give bank accounts to illegal aliens–just legal ones. There was a big hubbub a few months back when they rolled out this LA-centered trial program about helping their Hispanic customer base build credit, but it was never about opening accounts (or credit cards) for illegals, just for people with bad or no credit. Fact-check, anyone? The main reason banks do so many frustrating, annoying things is that they are terrified about breaking these federal laws, like the Patriot Act– they are hardly likely to start opening accounts willy-nilly for illegal immigrants when poor Mir can’t even get her DBA opened up!

While of course I do not know how things work in New England, I do know that here in NJ, you would not have gotten the account unless you had a DBA form notarized and submitted to the county.

To avoid that I actually incorporated in DE (easier laws for registering a corporation) and got a separate Tax ID. Sounds like more work up front (and it might be), but it has saved me a number of times dealing with corporate idiots such as you encountered.

Of course, being the technologist and stupid people hater I am, I would never deal with a bank that didn’t let me create new accounts online without having to talk to some numbskull.

2) that is also why i didn’t change my name when i got remarried. i didn’t want the hassle of changing over all of my accounts, ssn, dl, passport, etc. i might eventually hyphenate it, but i doubt it. it’s cool that you want to be known as mrs. otto. i didn’t want to do it because i also use my maiden name professionally, and hubby’s name is harder to spell and pronounce. plus, he didn’t care if i did or not. my family doesn’t understand it though. heh.

If/when I get to the point of needing to change from FirstMarriedName to SecondMarriedName I hope my credit union doesn’t put me through all of that. Of course there are several bridges to cross before I get to that point ;)

Regarding the DBA thing, some states do require that name to be legally registered as well; my employer in California has to register theirs, since the legal corporate name is different. Your new, big bank are probably sticklers. Bureaucracy sucks… But as someone’s suggested already, maybe you can move these accounts to a smaller local bank once you relocate and get established – think of the pleasure you’ll have closing them out!