November 17, 2006 | I'm dating the television, Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

Today Otto and I were talking and he told me about a friend of his who’d just broken up with his girlfriend. They were in a long-distance relationship and we all know how much those can suck. Apparently the woman is ready to commit, and the man is… less so. But—as often happens—the man is now wracked with ambivalence, and turned to Otto for advice.

I was about to crack the obvious joke about someone coming to him for relationship advice, but he beat me to it. After some kidding around, he told me he’d really had to think long and hard about what to say. His friend was struggling and Otto wanted to help, if he could. (more…)

November 16, 2006 | Friends

I think there are some people who come into our lives to test us (sometimes to the very limits of our endurance), and some people who come into our lives to love us in a way that humbles us as nothing else can. Both of these are important lessons.

Sometimes, you get both in the same person. (Most often in our offspring. Heh.)

In the spirit of the new Kind Blog, I’ve been thinking a lot about who people are to me in my life, and who I want to be to others. (more…)

November 14, 2006 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

You know, I am positively kicking myself for not grabbing the Post-It on which the dipstick was scribbled. I should’ve said, “Can I take that with me? You know, to refer to it later?” A golden opportunity, missed. I hang my head in shame.

I also wish I’d brought all of you with me, as you were much more out for blood than I was. You could’ve made them cry, I think. My stance was more or less one of confused incredulity, where everything they said to me just pushed me further into wondering if there were hidden cameras around, or perhaps I’d stumbled into an episode of The Twilight Zone. “But… I should HAVE an oil gasket, yes?” (”THERE’S SOMEONE ON THE WING OF THE PLANE!”) Like that. (more…)

November 13, 2006 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

I had this completely insane but good and productive day, but right now I need to sleep more than I need to write.

I just have to tell you this one thing.

When I went to the oil change place today to explain to them about my transmission fluid being low and my oil gasket having run off and why that meant that they should pay for the repairs I had to have done at the dealership, the assistant manager (while we waited for the manager) tried to explain to me how they check the fluid.

He drew me a picture of a dipstick.

A picture. Of a dipstick. In case I didn’t understand. See?

It took everything I have not to make a Sad Barbie Pout at him and wail, “Math is haaaaard!”

November 12, 2006 | My name is Grumplestiltskin

So, um, I have a little problem.

I don’t have the kids for Thanksgiving this year, so a few months ago Otto and I talked about me heading down there to spend the holiday with him. But then we decided to be responsible adults or something, I don’t know, and upon realizing that 1) plane tickets are expensive and 2) he’d be back up here a few weeks after Thanksgiving, we decided I should probably skip it.

And I was okay with that. Before. But you know, I like him bunches, and as time passes I miiiiiiiiiiiss him. So I thought I’d look into getting down there. (more…)

November 11, 2006 | What do I do all day?, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

My voice has gone through the many stages of aggravated cold status, arriving today at Just Sort Of Husky And If You Didn’t Know It Was Due to Phlegm Maybe Sort Of Sexy. (Previous states include: Raspy, Squeaky, Gone, and Coughing Too Much To Really Talk Anyway.) This stage is my favorite so far. Now when I answer the phone, people seem mildly taken aback and/or confused, as opposed to other stages when my attempt at “Hello?” was greeted with “Oh my GOD you sound AWFUL!”

I was just thinking how much better I felt, this morning, when Chickadee said, “My throat hurts a little.” Hmph.

No matter. I had important things to do today. Like play beauty consultant. (more…)

November 9, 2006 | What do I do all day?, Health is overrated

So Monkey has a cold, and as it goes when Monkey gets a cold, it grabs him and throttles him and he is miserable for about two weeks. And just when I’m starting to think about pinching his head between two or three fingers to stop the whining, I come down with the same cold, and then I lose the will to do, well, anything.

But today was Monkey’s rescheduled allergist appointment (because the original appointment was a bust) and I dragged the children and my phlegmy self over there (and got lost again! Yay! but not quite as badly as before) and we ended up spending TWO HOURS. And having tests, and getting new medications. So, progress.

About halfway through the appointment, the doctor casually mentioned that we should think about having Monkey referred to another doctor to test him for cystic fibrosis. And then MY HEART EXPLODED.

Half an hour and a lung capacity function test later, she took it back and said it was just asthma. And then I killed her, because that half hour took about twenty years off of my life. On the up side, it sure did put the sniffles, sneezes, wheezes and scrawniness into perspective. I’m almost sorry I killed her.

November 8, 2006 | Books

Lookie here, it’s another blog book tour, except this one is all INTERACTIVE and stuff. I was sent a copy of Georgeanne Brennan and Frankie Frankeny’s Green Eggs and Ham Cookbook to check out, and I fully intended to read it cover to cover, try a multitude of the recipes, and bust into this review thing ready to assure you that I’d gone to the ends of the… errrr… pages… to really assess this thing right.

I forgot that life likes to laugh at me when I intend to do something that organized. Whoops. But! I still feel qualified to review the book, because let’s be honest: If you’re the sort of person who’s intrigued by a book of recipes based upon Dr. Seuss stories, what are the chances of YOU being any less frazzled than ME? Slim to none, says I.

Just consider this your Real Mom review. I even put my sweatpants on. That’s dedication! (more…)

November 7, 2006 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Oh, settle down. There wasn’t any profit involved for ME.

As I mentioned in passing, Chickadee went to the dentist last week to have a couple of baby teeth out. She was perfectly fine until the syringe touched her gums, and then crocodile tears began to run down her face and the moaning started.

She was, in a word, terrified. And nothing any of us did or said made it any better, and the sweet young dentist removed her gloves and refused to proceed, saying that she didn’t want her to have a “negative experience that will sour her on dentists forever.” I didn’t feel like we were exactly leaving on a high note as it was, but I guess it was better than ripping her teeth out while she sobbed.

Well, today we had the Real Deal. (more…)

November 6, 2006 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

So, a funny thing was happening with my car. Being the sort of person who is right on top of my car’s performance and maintenance, I’d barely noticed.

But when Otto was here, I started the car up one morning and it stalled. “That’s not right,” he said. “You need to get that looked at.”

“Really?” I countered. “No, see, it’s okay! Because if I restart it, it’s perfectly fine!” And then I backed down the driveway, threw the car into Drive, and ignored it when the transmission slipped and the engine revved and the car didn’t move for a second.

“ACK!” said Otto. “TAKE. YOUR. CAR. TO. THE. DEALER!”

I do not like to make Otto ack. I was suitably chastened. (more…)