November 20, 2006 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Haven't been hit by lightning yet!
Today I am obsessing over Matters Largely Unbloggable™, which leaves me precious little to offer. Not that that’s ever stopped me before. Ahem.
In lieu of anything even smacking of cohesion, I give you the following unrelated bits and also a chance to win a fabulous mystery prize:
Thing the first: We didn’t go to the movies this weekend. The children elected not to finish cleaning the playroom on Saturday, and by the time we got through church and grocery shopping and eating lunch today and I had the AUDACITY to suggest they take another crack at it, their anguished wailing made it clear that tap-dancing penguins are not, it turns out, a very good motivator. Perhaps if they were both tapping AND farting. Who knows.
Thing the second: In a carefully calculated move born of brilliant parenting, sensitive to the moment and my child’s needs, on Friday when the kids said they wanted to get their bikes out, I said, “Sure, and let’s take Monkey’s training wheels off.” (Actual thought process: Bikes. Hey, training wheels. Kid is… almost 7. Wrench? Okay then!) In about half an hour we had established that Monkey can sort of ride his bike, and that I am woefully out of shape. (”Don’t let go! Don’t let go!” “Well, yeah, except, eventually I have to let go or fall over, honey.”)
Thing the third: Guess what I learned today? I learned that if you’re planning on eloping, you absolutely should not mention that to any relatives. Because to just elope would probably annoy certain members of your family, but if they are forewarned they can get on your case about it. Repeatedly. Lesson learned. Kinda wishing I’d learned it earlier so I could’ve taught it to Otto. Sorry, honey.
Thing the fourth: Handy and totally free advice—if you have to follow “I WASN’T STANDING ON HIM!” with “I was just KNEELING on him a little” while your little brother continues crying and gasping for air, you’ve chosen the wrong strategy. Next time, try leading with an apology, and leaving the bickering over semantics out of it.
Thing the fifth: I need a new category to encompass this whole new chapter of my life, and naming it should be easy, because it only has to cover All Things Otto, remarrying, relocating, step-parenting, househunting, house selling, and Changing Every Single Iota Of My Life In The Name of Love. How hard could it be?
So. I’m open to suggestions on the category thing. If someone suggests something brilliant which I feel compelled to use, I’ll send the winner a little something. If no one comes up with anything good, well, then, I guess we’re even.
You have until… oh, let’s say you have 24 hours. Midnight Monday night/Tuesday morning. Go!
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I suggest:
I’m A Slave For Love
or, you could shorten it to:
Slave For Love
That should swank the place up, just like Brittany is these days.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:10 amDamn. I was all ready to delurk and offer a suggestion… and there’s no way I can beat Slave for Love. That rocks.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:30 amEven the LURKERS think that “Slave for Love” is a good category.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:40 amSee?
ottonamy.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:44 amOtto Focus
November 20th, 2006 at 1:01 amChapter 2, Thing the Fourth.
You just can’t beat it for specificity.
November 20th, 2006 at 1:02 am“Fresh Start”
Congrats on your new chapter ~ wishing you much love and happiness!
November 20th, 2006 at 1:19 amOK, I offer three options:
‘Chosing Joy’ or ‘Moving On Up’ Though I freely admit it doesn’t allow for the future needs to bitch about the details involved in this total change.
Hence I offer choice two:
‘It’s all Otto’s Fault’
I also suggest you consider the wedding/move part to be a separate category from Otto and such — since I’m assuming Otto will be around FAR longer than the wedding/move thing.
And I’m sorry, Otto, as an eloper who told, I should have warned you to KEEP your mouth shut. Next thing you’ll know there will 20+ people flying to Vegas to ‘help’ you. Please forgive me.
November 20th, 2006 at 1:52 amLife in the Fast Lane!
November 20th, 2006 at 2:23 amOttopilot, as in “On Ottopilot”
(or maybe not. Coffee. I need coffee)
November 20th, 2006 at 5:19 amLife: Part II
November 20th, 2006 at 6:30 amToo many good ones already, and my brain is dead from lack of sleep anyway. I do agree with Patricia, however, in that there should be one name for the whole hassle of moving and changing everything, and another for sheer long-term Ottoness. I’ll be back later if brilliance overtakes me (ha!)
November 20th, 2006 at 7:40 amChange is a good thing
O.k. maybe it’s not clever, but that’s what it’s all about… change. I keep telling myself that sometimes even when I don’t like it when things change and I have no control over it. (I’m a control freak by nature)
November 20th, 2006 at 7:47 amWell, I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while and I am a major lurker, but I wanted to tell you congratulations. I think that you deserve a whole lot of happiness! Single parenting is hard (I know I’m still wearing the t-shirt) and you have done a fantastic job.
Ottomania.
November 20th, 2006 at 8:36 amHow ’bout “The Year Of Living Changerously?”
November 20th, 2006 at 8:38 amAlso your readers rock, look at all these awesome suggestions
November 20th, 2006 at 8:42 am“Whats love got to do with it?” Because it is not just about love but also about choices, commitment, pain, dedication, understanding, sacrifice… shall I go on?
Congrats!
November 20th, 2006 at 8:45 amOttobiographical?
November 20th, 2006 at 8:46 amI think you said it already “All Things Otto.” But, maybe I’m just making things too easy
November 20th, 2006 at 8:52 amHow about: There Otto Be A Law?
November 20th, 2006 at 9:17 amYou need something that says quick, evolutution, revolution, etc. GW suggests “acceloevoottoization.”
November 20th, 2006 at 9:22 amThat’s why he never wins prizes.
Can you take a phrase from James Herriot: All things Otto great and small?
I like, “It’s all Otto’s fault”. That one sounds good to me.
November 20th, 2006 at 9:22 amGet me Otto here? Alternatively - I Otto be committed?
November 20th, 2006 at 9:28 aminstead of onomatopoeia? the formation of words by imitating sounds.
ottomatopoeia - the formation of a new life, and the story behind it??
meh, kinda lame, but all that came to mind, since so many other great ones were already posted.
November 20th, 2006 at 9:29 amOttopalooza?
I really like “Ottopilot,” too.
November 20th, 2006 at 9:34 amHow about metaMirphosis.
November 20th, 2006 at 9:41 amI would just call it Chaos:The Love Story! But I do agree that you need to have a seperate Otto category.
November 20th, 2006 at 10:02 amIn keeping with would could shoulda… “Doing.” (I’d say done, but obviously it’s present tense)
Or along the lines of audiophyle: OttoPhyle (OttoFile?)
November 20th, 2006 at 10:04 amI have to say… as much as we all love Otto and are SO VERY GLAD for your life changes… I’m really going to miss “I’m dating the television.” That one made me crack up every time. I think one of the best-named blog categories in history.
Maybe I’ll come back later with an entry. So far all I can think of is (We Go Together like) Peas and Carrots.
November 20th, 2006 at 10:12 amIt’s “All Otto Love”
November 20th, 2006 at 10:14 amHow about “Love is Blind”. It’s true in both good ways and bad ways. Either way, I can’t wait to read all about it.
November 20th, 2006 at 10:17 amYa know, I was going to try to come up with something, but then I saw Dave’s entry (metaMirphosis) above and was slain by its brilliance. Go with that one!
November 20th, 2006 at 10:18 amHow about What Have I Gotten Myself Into?
November 20th, 2006 at 10:34 amWith a name like Woulda Coulda Shoulda a couple things come to mind:
1 - Did
2 - Finally Did
3 - Woulda Coulda Shoulda - Did!
and changing themes
3 - Mr. Mir ( or Mister Mir)
November 20th, 2006 at 11:10 am4 - Sir Mir
5 - OttoMir
6 - Motto (to stick w/ the concatenation theme)
It’s probably too long and too Billy-Joel-centric, but I propose “Got A New Wife, Got A New Life, And The Family Is Fine”.
November 20th, 2006 at 11:22 amWoah Dave you scare me, that is almost what I thought up.
Miramorphosis
November 20th, 2006 at 12:00 pmLots of good ideas above. I thought of ‘Southern Comfort’ before I started reading, though, and I still like it! That and FrankenFamily - I love my stepfamily, but sometimes it really does feel like Gene Wilder has come in and gone crazy with the tinkering and the electric shocks to the system.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:03 pmWow, your readers are very pretty and smart. They’d be prettier and smarter than my readers, but I don’t have any. So, um okay…
What We Do For Love?
Poor Otto?
Otto, Otto, Bo Botto?
Be Jealous, He’s All Mine? (This is my favorite, ’cause it can be sincere or sarcastic. See how clever?)
I have to say though, Slave For Love rocks. And MetaMIRphosis is AWESOME! *insert headbanging and rock on finger signs* God, I need me some coffee.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:06 pmOh, I love “It’s All Otto’s Fault”.
However, other suggestions:
November 20th, 2006 at 12:18 pm-It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
-The Things We Do For Love
I shouldn’t have read the comments, because now all I can think of is how awesome those are, and I can’t come up with anything original. I’m usually pretty good at naming things, too. bah.
I do wish you all the happiness in the world. And that Chickadee and Monkey are as happy with their step-dad as I am with mine (my dad & step-dad both walked me down the aisle at my wedding).
November 20th, 2006 at 12:26 pmHow about
I Did?
(agree to this/move here/say I wanted that/leave that there/etc etc etc)
I think you’re going to have a hard time picking a name. Your commenters are neat!
November 20th, 2006 at 12:34 pm“I didn’t need that pesky ’sanity’ anyway”
“this thing called love”
“what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”
“OttoClave”
November 20th, 2006 at 12:48 pmThe Rocky Otto Picture Show
best I can do on a monday morning.
November 20th, 2006 at 1:11 pmHere’s mine: Otto Iotas (based on “Changing Every Single Iota Of My Life In The Name of Love”).
It doesn’t make much sense but it is fun to say.
bec
November 20th, 2006 at 1:39 pmThose are all too clever for me to compete, but I got a good laugh!
November 20th, 2006 at 1:39 pmHow about:
November 20th, 2006 at 1:46 pmWhat am I nuts?
Here I go again!
What did I do? or better yet, what did I get myself in to?
LOL
How about “Ottomatic For The People” to tip your hat to those other folks from that town?
Although, I have to say, “The Year of Living Dangerously” gets my vote.
November 20th, 2006 at 2:19 pmI suggest Ottopia!
November 20th, 2006 at 2:50 pmDamn that suggestion of Ottonomy is good but I dunno…it’s not JUST Otto…it’s how you kept it alove, stayed alive, kept plugging on as a parent, and are moving forward as a Mom and Woman and Wife (and damn funny writer)… How about Perseverance?
November 20th, 2006 at 3:35 pmI like “It’s All Otto’s Fault”, though once you get married you may need to seperate that into subcategories about what is his fault, since everything is the husband’s fault once you’re married, you know? But Slave for Love could be good too. I wish I could be more creative and come up with my own, but I’m dumb.
November 20th, 2006 at 3:58 pmChanging Everything
New Life
New Chapter
New Phase
Whole Other Thing
There’s some thoughts. Good luck with it all! (Not that I won’t be back to observe…you know…)
November 20th, 2006 at 4:20 pmYeah- about that eloping thing? I made that mistake. Not only did I have to constantly defend it…ummm, like 20 people still showed up for it. If you want to elope NEVER say anything until you are married.
November 20th, 2006 at 5:17 pmJust as a possible tribute to the category it will be replacing…
“And to top it all off, I’m pretty sure the television is stalking me now.”
Eh, I had to try. Prizes are prizes after all.
I have to agree that telling anyone you might elope is a bad idea, says the ghost of marriages past.
November 20th, 2006 at 5:36 pmI want to play!
I Ditched The Television
Want To. I Do! How to?
Something fun to think about while getting ready for Thanksgiving guests. Love the blog!
November 20th, 2006 at 5:38 pmHow about The Brady Bunch or Yours, Mine and Eventually (maybe) Ours or Yours, Mine and not even going to have ours. So maybe those are dumb. But oh well.
November 20th, 2006 at 5:41 pm“First Otto. Now this.”
November 20th, 2006 at 5:59 pmMir Mania
November 20th, 2006 at 6:23 pmHow about “not Otto-matic”? (not automatic) or “I said yes, now what?”
November 20th, 2006 at 6:40 pmOttorotica?
Couldn’t help myself…
November 20th, 2006 at 7:36 pmOttopalooza?
The New Adventures of the Old Mir? (I have no idea how old you are so don’t take that as an insult, just a play a words!)
November 20th, 2006 at 8:26 pmgOT TO love it or GOTTO LOVE IT
November 21st, 2006 at 12:10 amOttomatopoeia ~ because it includes the word for the person who is the reason for all the changes?
There Otto be a law…
We Otto get hitched!
K-I-S-S-I-N-G (because it reminds me of that fun post a few weeks ago about the jump rope rhymes, not because it has Otto’s name in it, obviously….)
ChickOttoMirMonk ~ because this is what your couch will look like?
(Besides, there’s this flow to the pronunciation ~ “chikatta meermunk” ~ it almost sounds like a Burger King commercial! For a ciabatta! Or however you spell that weird bread!)
Oh heck ~ who am I kidding? Like I have a snowball’s chance in hades of beating out any of your regularly scheduled commenters.
Whatever you decide, I’m sure we’ll all love it.
November 21st, 2006 at 2:08 am“Who Farted? Putting the blame where it belongs”…I know I’m late with this but here it is.(Sorry, I’m having one of those mornings.
November 21st, 2006 at 9:55 amLife on OttoPilot
November 21st, 2006 at 2:39 pmLife in a Blender. This was too funny.
November 21st, 2006 at 6:55 pm