Planet Pillowless

Today was rainy and grey and gross and so I decided we should take a trip to the happiest place on earth.

No, not Disney. (Have you ever BEEN to Disneyworld? Or for that matter, Disneyland, which is where I spent my pseudo-honeymoon (that’s another tale entirely) and where I encountered a whole lot of hot, impatient, and generally obnoxious people? Disney is not a happy place. It’s a place where people paid a lot of money to stand in line all day and eat overpriced food.)

We went to Target. Obviously.

Normally, I have a whole routine at Target that’s based upon cruising the endcaps for clearance. But in my recent travels of throwing away, donating to charity, eBaying, and just generally going “good LORD but I own a lot of CRAP” I have decided I am no longer allowed to just “go shopping.” None of this looking for random bargains thing. I can only go out for specific items.

It’s true that other things may jump into my cart. Today, for example, I went out for bedding and also came home with scissors and underwear. (They were on clearance!) But I have to have an actual mission.

So. Today. Bedding. Thanks to your excellent advice, and also this here quarter which I flipped, I’ve decided to buy a king bed. Of course that means that I need all new bedding for it, so I’ve been accumulating things bit by bit. While I did score the Absolute Bestest Comforter In The Whole Damn World (this one, in case you’re interested, although it was cheaper when I bought it) (and I already know its kick-ass quotient because I have the same one on my bed now and I love it beyond all reason), I’ve yet to find a duvet cover for it.

Wait. Clarification: I’ve yet to find a duvet cover for it that I’m willing to purchase.

Clearly it was time to stroll through Target. Off we went, and I realized immediately that my clearance-sensing talents are still well intact, because there was an entire section of bedding on clearance. Like, 75% off clearance. So I started digging around for a duvet cover, because why pay $100 for one when I can get one for $25?

Chickadee helped me look, while Monkey spun around in circles next to me and said “This is boring. Can we go now?”

It turned out that in king size I had several options:

1) Gigantic shocking pink flowers on a white background, wherein I couldn’t decide which was more horrifying—thinking about the white getting dirty or just trying to get away from the PIIIIIINK,
2) Neon orange and yellow squares in a delightful configuration which I’m sure I would’ve appreciated if my retinas weren’t scorched by the colors,
or
3) A delightful medium blue with a large yellow rose splashed across the front.

None of these were right. But all of these were just $25.

[This evening I was chatting with Otto via instant message and I sent him a link to a picture of the yellow rose cover to ask if he liked it. His response was, "Ummm... ummmm... did you already buy it? Because if you did I guess I do. Otherwise no." I think his training is coming along nicely.]

Now, what I really wanted was this cheerful striped cover that coordinates with the striped sheets I found, but although EVERY OTHER COVER in that designer’s line was on clearance, that ONE cover was not on clearance. Wasn’t even on sale. Yes, once again I walked into an entire aisle of items 75% off and picked up the one thing that was full price. I have excellent taste.

Anyway, I had settled on the blue cover with the yellow rose and it coordinated with the striped sheets that go with the striped cover that wasn’t on sale. But the sheets were on sale. So I decided to get the sheets, too. Chickadee and I dug and dug and dug—because whenever there is clearance at Target, people turn into rabid animals and just throw stuff all over the place on the shelves—and found king sized striped sheets, flat and fitted.

But no pillowcase.

But, hey! At 75% off, who cares? No need to have striped pillowcases. We’d just find some OTHER pillowcases that coordinated. There were two entire aisles of clearance. No problem.

Except that it was a problem. Because in two aisles of clearance bedding, there were no pillowcases. No. Pillowcases.

By the time Monkey had ceased twirling in circles and begun crouching on the floor, doing his best impression of “halfway dead with boredom” and complaining, “This is booooooring, I’m tiiiiiiiiired,” Chickadee had found one set of pillowcases and I had found one set of pillowcases.

She found king sized cases in a grey stripe. Which, incidentally, was quite possibly the ONLY color NOT represented in the striped sheets. Except for… PINK. Guess what I found?

I found standard cases in electric pink. Wrong size, wrong color.

And that was it. Two packages of pillowcases awash in a sea of sheets.

Is it coincidence? A communist plot? Did someone swoop in and buy all of the pillowcases as part of a nefarious plan to try to rid the world of pillows altogether? I shall never know.

But we did actually get into the car and drive to the OTHER Target in the vain hope of finding suitable pillowcases. (Upon arrival, Monkey took one look around and declared, “Awwwwww, man! We were JUST HERE!”) We found… one grey striped set, and one pair in solid chocolate brown. And that was it.

Apparently it’s at least a citywide problem. If you’ve noticed the same issue at your local Target, well, perhaps we should start forming the resistance. Power to the pillows, people. We won’t let them get away with this.

Are you with me? (Also, do you have any king sized striped cases I can buy off of you?)

23 Responses to “Planet Pillowless”

  1. 1
    CeCe September 23, 2006 at 11:40 pm #

    Hey, I know I really don’t know you well enough to say this, but: I TOLD YOU SO!! Finding King Size stuff is ridculous! You should listen to me.. I am wise! Just thought you might like to know.

  2. 2
    Tug September 23, 2006 at 11:48 pm #

    Buy flat sheets, make pillowcases. And duvet covers. Cheap, easy. seriously. Straight stitching, no prob.

  3. 3
    Lady M September 23, 2006 at 11:54 pm #

    Can you turn the blue duvet cover inside-out so that the rose doesn’t show?

    I will looked for striped pillowcases on my next Target trip. It’s such a fun place to shop! Although for me, the happiest place on earth is the Container Store, and for SwingDaddy it’s the legendary Fry’s Electronics.

  4. 4
    Melissa September 24, 2006 at 12:49 am #

    You need a HomeGoods (www.homegoods.com). That’s where us cheapos (er, I mean, brilliant bargain hunters) get our king-size pillowcases.

    Go forth and shop, and be not stymied by the weird absence of pillow coverings at Target.

  5. 5
    Betsy September 24, 2006 at 12:56 am #

    See, you must embrace the concept of only slightly coordinated bedding when you go king. If you back up, squint and look sideways, it looks DEE-VIne! But up close? If you’re trying to do the matchy-matchy thing? You’ll die or go broke.

    I’ve had good luck going with black and shades of grey, or black with taupe – and then I’ll throw in the random butter yellow pillowcases with the grey/black (along with a lone butter yellow topsheet I bought on sale once with the pillowcases.) Or I can go ivory pillowcases interspersed with the black/taupe combination. Or ivory/black/coffee/taupe, for those really adventurous moments!

    But, wait! There’s more! With yet another duvet cover change (I’ve had years to accumulate the stuff, you see), I can go sage green from top to bottom. Except I usually want ivory pillowcases mixed in there. Or maybe that butter yellow set.

    But all four pillowcases never, EVER match. That’s my Signature Bedding Statement…

    Also – you might have to cheat on your one true love (Target) and branch out to Marshall’s/TJ Maxx or Ross. After all, a bigger bed gives you room for more, um, partners – right?

  6. 6
    tori September 24, 2006 at 8:09 am #

    My best friend has the same problem with bathing suits at Target. She can find a top but no bottom, or the other way around. She lives about two hours away from me and sometimes calls and makes me go to my Target to look for stuff for her, which I sometimes can find. Which brings me to my point, do you have any friends that live somewhat far away that you could beg to look for pillowcases for you? Send them a link to what you are looking for and I’m sure you could *force* someone to go to Target for you. Or send me a link and I’ll go. I once said that if Target were a person, I would marry him.

  7. 7
    Velma September 24, 2006 at 9:20 am #

    A question-slash-comment, if I may? As a king-bed lover but king-pillow hater, I would recommend sticking with the standard pillows. Pillowcases seem to need replacing a lot quicker than sheets in my house, plus we are lazy ass duvet cover people here, meaning our bed never looks properly “made up” any way, and mostly just the pillows show.

    Not only will you forever be able to find cases on clearance, but you’ll also have a lot more options for actual pillow purchases (side sleeper? memory foam? etc.) if you stick with standard pillows.

    Can I just mention how jealous I am that you are within travel distance of TWO Targets? How unfair is that, when I have to drive 45 minutes just to get to ONE?!?

  8. 8
    Woman with Kids September 24, 2006 at 9:48 am #

    I have to agree with Velma. We’re lucky to have one within an hour of us. We do, however, have what I believe is the world’s oldest Kmart in our town. Are we lucky or what?

    And? I’d love a king size bed. It’s just me in my queen size, but I still end up hanging off some edge. How does that happen?

  9. 9
    Vanda September 24, 2006 at 10:27 am #

    I love Target, the trouble is my nearest one is oh about 3000 odd miles away and that’s if they have them on the east coast LOL.

  10. 10
    steph September 24, 2006 at 10:29 am #

    did you actually get your mattress yet?? because my biggest problem with my king mattress (that I love!) is that I can’t find a comforter or quilt that will cover it and the box spring…it’s making me crazy! even so-called “oversized” comforters are too small and I really don’t want to go the bedspread route. seriously I need something that’s like 118×120.

  11. 11
    julie September 24, 2006 at 10:39 am #

    I hate buying duvet covers for any size comforter because I simply can not stomach the idea of paying $100+ for a giant pillowcase. Plus I’m picky and never see one I like enough to spend even $30 on much less $130. If you can sew a few straight stitches you can take 2 flat sheets and make a duvet cover super easy. Get one sheet in a pattern you like and the other (the back) in a cheaper solid-color option. Lay them face to face and stitch all the way around, leaving about 3′ open on the bottom. Turn, stuff, and if you’re so inclined close the 3′ whole with some tied ribbons or go all out and sew on some snaps or buttons. Seriously, the whole process will take less time than you probably invested in digging at Target. (How’s that for assvice? Sorry)

  12. 12
    Amy September 24, 2006 at 12:51 pm #

    If your duvet doesn’t cover everything, like steph suggests could happen, you should get an extra fitted sheet to put on the boxspring so you don’t have to see it. And julie is right about sewing a duvet cover. Flat sheets are great for making those and pillowcases. And curtains! …if you wanted to go all apeshit with the matching.

  13. 13
    Patricia September 24, 2006 at 12:53 pm #

    So, I was going to say something incredibly stupid, like did you try online? But I checked Target.com first (lest I not know what is there) and found that the great sale you found at your Target is NOT going on online. ‘cuse me? I’m sorry this is the ONE thing that I think sucks ass about Target. I firmly believe that a company should charge ONE price per item — not pick and choose based on how you buy it. URGH.
    I’ve got to go to Target this afternoon for a few things — I’ll be happy to look for pillowcases for you.

  14. 14
    Cele September 24, 2006 at 12:55 pm #

    Mir try Amazon dot com :)

  15. 15
    Monica September 24, 2006 at 2:32 pm #

    Sorry Mir, I think I’m the one at fault. We both like lots of pillows so I always hit the bedding clearances and buy pillow cases. ALL the pillow cases.

  16. 16
    karrie September 24, 2006 at 2:52 pm #

    You need to go to IKEA. They have great sets that include a duvet cover and two matching pillowcases for around $30.

  17. 17
    Whimspiration September 24, 2006 at 3:59 pm #

    Megh Tug beat me to it.

    Clearance sheets are also a great way to get cheap fabric for making clothes. I use them for quilt liners too. Just stay away from the pink nastiness and huge patterns. *smile*

  18. 18
    Nic September 24, 2006 at 5:36 pm #

    Mir, you have a hige following of Target lovers here. Please post a picture, link whatever of the pillowcases and I’d be happy to hunt for you. “But honey, I have to go to all 7 Targets in the immediate area- (Houston has a Target every 20 feet) it’s a mission for Mir!” Email me, I’ve gotta go get a queen sized bedskirt anyway, bought a damn twin by mistake last week.

  19. 19
    chris September 24, 2006 at 8:32 pm #

    hey, i’ll be happy to hunt for you over here! you have only to provide the info! go for it, girl.

  20. 20
    susie September 24, 2006 at 9:05 pm #

    We sleep in a queen but have king pillows. It’s probably people like me who are causing this problem for you. Sorry.

  21. 21
    Lisa C. September 24, 2006 at 10:03 pm #

    Try IKEA or Overstock.com. That’s where I get coverings for my king size bed!

  22. 22
    Elleoz September 25, 2006 at 8:38 am #

    I’m with Susie. We have a queen bed with 4 king size pillows and 2 standard shams. We are pillow whores here, what can I say? Good luck on the pillowcase hunt. We used to have a king bed (and oh how I miss it), and it was so frustrating to find matching/coordinating sheets for it.

  23. 23
    kathy September 25, 2006 at 11:22 pm #

    Do you have thriftstores where you live? Bedding (other than mattresses) are so overpriced, even on clearance at 75% off after buying at thriftstores. You don’t even have to dive for matching pillowcases…

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