Unretouched

I can’t decide if he’s longsuffering or just not very bright.

(I’m kidding!)

And for the record, he’s not available. He wanted me to tell you that.

That’s true even if you didn’t scare him, which you did.

Otto: Your readers, they kind of freak me out … just so you know. B-)
Mir: why?
Mir: and good morning :)
Otto: I feel like I’m getting propositioned …
Otto: Good morning to you, too.
Mir: You are.
Otto: There’s been like four of them that have said they’re interested if I become free.
Mir: Because you are Otto, giver of blue orchids.
Otto: And someone needs to tell them I have no intention of becoming free.
Mir: Also I let you guest post, so people can tell it’s SERIOUS.
Otto: Still, you may want to tell them I’m off limits. B-)
Mir: Um, do you think they don’t know? It’s just wishful thinking on their parts.
Mir: Don’t worry, I won’t be auctioning you off to my readers. ;)
Otto: Well, I can sleep better now, knowing that.
Mir: You were confused about that, somehow?
Otto: No, I guess not.
Mir: You GUESS not?
Otto: B-)
Mir: I am so blogging this chat.
Mir: Letting my readers scold you. ;)
Otto: Hey, if that’s what you need to do to generate interest/traffic/income, I’m behind you on that.
Mir: HA
Mir: In that case, I’m going to post nude pictures of you.
Mir: I think it’ll boost traffic.
Otto: Yes … but only on the roads leading to churches …
Mir: heheheh
Mir: but you’re behind me, right, so I’m allllll set.
Mir: Except.
Mir: Hrm.
Mir: I don’t seem to HAVE any nude pictures of you.
Mir: Damn.
Otto: And, for the record, no one has any nude photos of me.
Mir: Good to know.
Mir: I’m pretty sure that would cause even your lapsed Catholic soul to burst into flame.
Otto: Yup
Mir: Heh.
Otto: There’s been like four of them that have said they’re interested if I become free.
Mir: you’re going to get a big head
Mir: Maybe I should tell them more about our breakup. ;)
Otto: Nope, don’t think so.
Otto: It seems to have worked out, long term …
Mir: so far ;)
Mir: we’ll seeeeeeeeee
Otto: For such a religious gal, you sure have a low level of faith. B-)
Mir: nah, I am just enjoying teasing you
Mir: And picturing you naked.
Mir: :D
Otto: Maybe it’s time for new glasses for you?
Otto: B-)
Mir: hahahaha
Mir: maybe it’s time for me to actually get to see you :P
Otto: Could be that, too.

So. Um. Happy Friday, and please stop scaring my boyfriend. Except don’t, because I find it really amusing.

That is all.

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36 Responses to “Unretouched”

  1. 1
    Kestralyn August 25, 2006 at 9:37 am #

    bwwahahahahahaha!!!!

    Does he REALLY thing we’d try to poach in your territory? I’m voting for the “not very bright” option!

    You’re neat, Otto. Welcome to the Funny Farm!

  2. 2
    Kestralyn August 25, 2006 at 9:37 am #

    that’s “think” not “thing” time for caffeine!

  3. 3
    Ben August 25, 2006 at 9:44 am #

    He’s not available?

    *snap*

  4. 4
    Joshilyn August 25, 2006 at 10:04 am #

    I bid 2 bucks, and I need a paddle.

    TO BID WITH YOU PERVOS.

  5. 5
    Red August 25, 2006 at 10:07 am #

    I wouldn’t dream of propositioning your boyfriend, but a nude pic would be welcome. If he’s nude pic worthy, that is. :)

  6. 6
    chris August 25, 2006 at 10:07 am #

    Well, I for one don’t want Otto all to myself. I merely wanted to SHARE him and his list making/ house fixing goodness.

    Just thought I should clarify.

  7. 7
    Aimee August 25, 2006 at 10:31 am #

    Oh, for cryin’ out loud, Otto. ;) I haven’t propositioned you, myself, but I think the propositions are just a way of saying, “Go, Mir!” We’re happy for her, and you get some (happy) fallout from that. It’s all good.

  8. 8
    Caren August 25, 2006 at 10:32 am #

    I’ll give you three bucks for him. I am in desperate need of having my driveway paved.

    Wait, that came out wrong.

    Seriously, I really do need my driveway paved!!!! ;)

  9. 9
    Patricia August 25, 2006 at 10:36 am #

    Perhaps Otto is unaware how many of us are married folks — married folks like me, who is in desperate need of a good man with hands. Wait, that’s not right. I’m in desperate need of a good man with a list. No, not quite there yet. Ahem, I’m in desperate need of a handyman with a list. Ok, that’s a little better (in that it might keep me out of divorce court this week:))
    Actually, Otto, we scare because we care. If we scare you a little, it is all to enforce our deep love for Mir. And I’d give you some good advice, don’t let a little cyber ‘love’ over the flowers (which are delightful, FWIW) go to your head — Mir is likely to pop your over inflated head.
    Teehee. I must go share my cheer with others now.

  10. 10
    MMM August 25, 2006 at 10:56 am #

    Hope your dad is not reading this! tee hee

  11. 11
    Laura August 25, 2006 at 11:34 am #

    Hmmm… perhaps Otto can give seminars to other men, on how to truly charm women? He would rake in the bucks, while guaranteeing that women all over the US would feel prettier and more loved, and that their significant others would get more sex, too. Everyone wins! ;->

  12. 12
    The Zero Boss August 25, 2006 at 12:03 pm #

    You let him guest-post?! Dude…she may as well have let you share her toothbrush.

  13. 13
    Susan August 25, 2006 at 12:35 pm #

    Oh I just love Otto. And you!

    In a totally non-sexual, everyone-keep-your-clothes-on kind of way. Just so we’re clear.

  14. 14
    Randi August 25, 2006 at 12:41 pm #

    Okay, I’m totally not asking to steal him as a boyfriend…but couldn’t you just rent him out? You know, for heavy lifting and stuff?!

  15. 15
    InterstellarLass August 25, 2006 at 1:16 pm #

    What? He didn’t realize he would become coveted? Eh, you’re lucky. I got my own. :)

  16. 16
    Carol August 25, 2006 at 1:37 pm #

    I have naked photos of Otto. Muwhahahahahaha!

  17. 17
    udge August 25, 2006 at 1:42 pm #

    Oh I love this post! From the sound of the comments, Laura has a good idea.

  18. 18
    dad August 25, 2006 at 2:35 pm #

    MMM,
    I am reading all this and coping well, thank you (without ingesting massive quantities of drugs).
    I am also aware, first hand, that Mir’s detailed and extraordinarily accurate recounts of her conversations are nearly always more entertaining than I thought they were at the time they took place. I love that.

  19. 19
    Amy-Go August 25, 2006 at 4:34 pm #

    Listen, I have all the men I can handle. Otto, you are safe from me.

    Flowers would be nice, though. ;)

  20. 20
    Mom101 August 25, 2006 at 5:08 pm #

    I loooove his line about roads leading to churches. And if he typed that in with little delay, right off the top of his head…well I’ll say he’s a keeper.

  21. 21
    cagey August 25, 2006 at 5:36 pm #

    “Mir: you’re going to get a big head”

    The latent 13 Year Old in me totally sniggered at that.

  22. 22
    cele August 25, 2006 at 6:27 pm #

    Jumping up and down from way over here, Yoo Hoo! I raise the bidding to $5.

    Have you noticed all the women bidding are married?

    DAY-UMMMM who knows how to make that twisted/evil smiley icon? It would go perfect here.

  23. 23
    cele August 25, 2006 at 6:28 pm #

    By the way ask Pandora…er I mean Otto when those photos are coming?

  24. 24
    Her Bad Mother August 25, 2006 at 8:14 pm #

    I sniggered at ‘big head’ too.

    If you do post nudie pics, maybe you could do them up all arty, like with strategically placed blue orchids…

    That would boost his auction reserve price, for sure.

  25. 25
    stayathomemotherdom August 25, 2006 at 9:13 pm #

    Did someone say nude pictures of older men? I’m getting hot…

  26. 26
    Jenny August 25, 2006 at 10:18 pm #

    Ooh! I think I have a paddle around here to join in.

    I’d love to bed bid oh, hell. I’m just going to sit patiently and wait for the nudito pics.

  27. 27
    Otto August 25, 2006 at 10:48 pm #

    GAH!!

    I am SO glad my mother doesn’t know how to operate a computer … and, to Mir’s dad – sorry about all this. We should talk about the kinds of drugs we could take to make this easier sometime. Single malts would be my preference.

    For the record – there will be NO nude photos of Otto, the reserve to win your own Otto is way above $5 and it’s a rent-to-own program open only to residents of this planet, 35 years of age and older, not transferable, not returnable, not refundable, recepient must be good at doing math in a vehicle that does not move in a linear fashion. Other terms and conditions may be applied to exclude everyone except Mir.

    And registration for the first Otto Workshop will open in a few weeks. Sign your allegedly un-handy, un-romantic, un-caring husbands and significant others up early.

  28. 28
    OneTiredMomma August 25, 2006 at 11:57 pm #

    Whhhaaattt?!? Did someone say Big Head?

    ::Pulling out my Big Johnson:: —> http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0009WG58U/sr=8-1/qid=1156564536/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-7436255-2507220?ie=UTF8

    Oh yeah, it’s a bigun alright.

  29. 29
    Suebob August 26, 2006 at 12:54 am #

    I would have never thought to proposition Otto before, but now the temptation is just too great…You don’t mind, do you, Mir? I mean it in a NICE way.

  30. 30
    Stacia August 26, 2006 at 8:33 am #

    I love my husband Otto, but I also received two beautiful vases for our marriage [we eloped: no wedding] and I haven’t received any flowers to fill them. Especially not blue orchids! Besides, I know my husband looks good naked ;)

  31. 31
    Suburban Turmoil August 26, 2006 at 1:32 pm #

    Oh my gah, you are so Lorelei Gilmore. I’m in awe.

  32. 32
    Karen Rani August 26, 2006 at 2:01 pm #

    Otto, you have only seen the tip of the iceburg, honey.

    Also? You hurt my girl, I breaka you face.

    :)

  33. 33
    Mary Tsao August 26, 2006 at 4:12 pm #

    Mir, you naughty girl, picturing Otto naked in full view of the Internets. The heat’s practically jumping out of my monitor. Whew! Otto, you’re one lucky fellow. Don’t forget that!

  34. 34
    Dana August 26, 2006 at 5:45 pm #

    He is a humorous fellow. I liked this blog post. Only because…..well I don’t know. I just did.

  35. 35
    Belinda August 27, 2006 at 2:41 am #

    Yep, men with palindromic names really turn me on.

  36. 36
    Gillian August 27, 2006 at 3:11 pm #

    But Mir, you don’t need a photo. You have a daughter who makes wonderful portraits! I seem to recall your getting an eye knocked out actually. But with a few pointers from Chickadee and a new super sized box of crayons, you could do a rendition of Otto for your clamoring fans. Creativity – it is your life blood is it not?

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