July 8, 2006 | What do I do all day?

Hello! I am not dead! Not even missing! I am alive and well but still somewhat mysterious.

Honestly, I had these grand plans to be less mysterious today. I took a whole mess of pictures and planned a little photo essay, like a little scavenger hunt kind of thing, to let you see what I’ve seen and perhaps guess where I am. But then. Then! Then my camera decided it was not talking to the computer I am using here. It’s sort of like this Mac vs. PC commercials. My camera is happily jabbering in Japanese while the computer at hand is saying “Hello? Hellooooooo-oooo?” It’s very sad. Especially since the computer in question IS A MAC. (Explain THAT, Steve Jobs.) But my camera has been BRAINWASHED to only talk to PCs.

Meanwhile, the owner of the computer is still brainstorming on how to get the pics off the camera. Because Macs are supposed to be OMNIPOTENT. And I will use this as ammunition forever, as proof that my PC isn’t so bad. Anyway. This means no photos today. Which, you know, isn’t really so bad, since most of my pictures suck. (more…)

July 7, 2006 | Growing

I am the world’s worst traveller.

World’s. Worst.

I’m prone to motion sickness. I wear dorky wristbands with pressure points. I have to pee a lot. If I’m driving I’m a cranky driver and a lousy passenger. If I’m flying I’m nervous.

Worse than all of these, I like things to be JUST SO. Do you know how often things are JUST SO when you go outside of your tightly controlled home environment? Hint: NOT OFTEN ENOUGH.

Oddly enough, I love to travel. I look forward to it. I get excited about it. I have trouble sleeping the night before, and stare up at the ceiling in the dark, curling and uncurling my toes, willing myself to fall asleep so that I can wake up and get going. (more…)

July 6, 2006 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

You know that phrase, “Pick your battles?” Oh, if you’re a parent, I’ll bet it’s not so much a phrase as a mantra. That and “this too shall pass” have gotten many a parent through some dark hours.

I don’t like to pick my battles. More to the point: I want to pick ALL of the battles. Not because I enjoy fighting. I don’t. But I want to be in charge. And I want it done my way. Let’s face it; my job is to turn these kids into functioning members of society, and that means inflicting my will on them until they stop acting like crazed baboons.

Still, sometimes I decide to try this whole “picking my battles” thing. It rarely ends well. (more…)

July 5, 2006 | Health is overrated

So the thing about yesterday (er, wait, I’m all screwed up now… technically it’s now Wednesday… but I’m talking about Monday) is that I have become one of “those women” of a “certain age.” And you know, I’m not even 35 yet. This is a sad, sad thing.

I fully expected to be well into the twilight years before my body started betraying me with diffuse and bizarre complaints that were more sort of interpretive than actual medical syndromes. While I have often thought it must be sort of entertaining to actually be able to say “I do declare, I believe I have the vapors,” I’m just not digging this new development.

And that, my friends, is this: I can’t take the heat.

I know. I know. And yes, yes—don’t even say it. I got out of the kitchen. BA DUM BUM.

And yet, here I am, a DELICATE FLOWER, stuck in summer and having all kinds of epiphanies spurred on by heat exhaustion. Lucky me. (more…)

July 3, 2006 | What do I do all day?

Wake. Cuddle. Feed. Stretch. Wrap feet. Leave. Music. Walk. Drink. Walk. Drink. Walk. Sweat. Walk. Drink. Sweat. Hot. Walk. Drink. Walk. Sweat. Music dies. Swear. Walk. Drink. Walk. Return. Shower. Email. Prepare. Pack. Drive. Party! Eat. Drink. Make merry. Sun. Sick? Tired. Dehydrated? Drink. Swimming. Trampoline. Wild children. Rest. Drink. Examine feet. Wish I hadn’t. Drink. Talk. Drink. Nibble. Gather. Drive. Return. Shower. Feed. Tuck in. Collapse.

Forget talk; walk the walk!, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

I am having one of those transitional periods right now where I’m just on the cusp of Something Big, maybe, except maybe not. I mean, probably I am. But I’m not ready to talk about it and yet, it’s all that’s on my mind. ALL that’s on my mind. Constantly. But we cannot talk about it, because I am superstitious and are you TRYING TO WRECK IT for me? What is WRONG with you?

Look! Over there! Something SHINY!

Actually, all I have to show you is not at all shiny. It smells bad, too. I’m sorry. (more…)

July 1, 2006 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

In order to keep this list relatively short, I’ve chosen to forego things like “black lipstick” and “legwarmers.” I mean, yes, there are billions of things I don’t get in this world.

Today was one of those days where I found myself overwhelmed by a plethora of situations that left me blinking rapidly, as if I could somehow right the wrongs of the world by force of eyelashes alone.

I do have good eyelashes, but alas. I was no match for the world, today. (more…)