Unrelated, but peppermint-scented

If you are looking for cohesion, please move along. I seem to be fresh out. However, I have plenty of minty goodness to share. More on that in a bit.

Onward!

Start spreadin’ the news
Blogging for Books is back again and despite the rather disturbing imagery rendering it less a contest and more a strung-out junkie, there are PRIZES! Plus there’s FAME! And… ummm… OTHER STUFF! Possibly! Maybe not! But definitely prizes! Go write an entry, and tell others to do the same. (Well, don’t be bossy about it or anything, but you know.)

I watch too much TV
I thought yesterday’s commercial was pretty much the pinnacle of “things that come on the television and make me wonder what people are thinking.” Hahaha! Sometimes I’m silly.

Tonight I was setting up my laptop and overheard this joyful proclamation:
Friendly’s Nose Burgers!

I mean, I know I haven’t been there for a sundae in a really long time, but how much could the menu have changed…? After I finished choking on my own tongue, I realized they’d said “Friendly’s KNOWS burgers,” which is a subtle but important distinction.

The party theme is… ummmm…
I spent some time shopping today for goodie bag stuff for Chickadee’s birthday party (which is this weekend). Do you have any idea how hard it is to find martial arts themed STUFF for goodies? Hey, come to Chickadee’s party, and we’ll give you a treat sack containing nunchucks and a copy of the black belt oath! Where are you going??

I dislike bags full of assorted crap, which makes it harder to just buy… ummm… crap. And I’m just OCD enough to want things to be at least SLIGHTLY thematic. So, uh, the girls are getting jump ropes and water bottles and coupons for free classes, in my lame attempt to pretend it’s a fitness bag.

And while I was shopping…
Okay, I see you looking around, trying to figure out where the peppermint smell is coming from. It’s, well, um, I don’t know how to tell you this. It’s my feet. For some reason, training to walk a gazillion miles is just not making my feet look beautiful. Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If the beholder happens to be a gigantic callous, my feet are GORGEOUS. But because I foolishly wish my feet would look like feet rather than clumps of dead skin, I picked up a pair of “moisturizing booties” while I was out today. I could hardly wait to try them out.

I whipped out my beloved peppermint foot cream and slathered my feet, then opened up the booties. I had expected them to be lined with plastic. Or rubber. Something non-porous. Want to know what they’re lined with? NOTHING. I hate to break it to the manufacturer, but where I come from, those are not “moisturizing booties” so much as “socks.” I was disappointed. Nonetheless, I decided to try them out, what with my feet already being dripping with cream.

I’ve done nighttime foot cream and put on regular socks, before. It’s… squishy. And damp. My expectations were not high. The good news is that this seemingly normal pair of socks must be made of space-age material, because they DO keep the moisture in and don’t leak. The bad news is that I am still leaving a trail of peppermint scent everywhere I go, because the fabric does appear to breathe a bit. So I guess I don’t need to brush my teeth tonight!

(I’m kidding. I would never skip brushing my teeth just because my entire house smells like an Altoid. I would cover my feet in Crisco, yes. But sacrifice dental health? Let’s not get crazy.)

We’re very close
I have a favorite pharmacist. Doesn’t everyone? Yes, he’s been with me through thick and thin. He knows our regular prescriptions. He’s professional and doesn’t react when I come in for Diflucan or other vagina-related medications. He cracks jokes and laughs at mine. There’s no one else I’d rather have handling my embarrassing medical issues.

Today when I dropped by to pick up some refills, I commented on how I love the automatic refill plan, where the computer just calls and lets me know that our meds are ready. This prompted Favorite Pharmacist to ask me if I’ve received my free binder yet, and I had no idea what he was talking about, so he came out and gave me this cool little freebie the Target Pharmacy is doing now–a small 3-ring binder to organize your family’s medical info, color-coded to each family member’s ClearRx label color.

The binder is pretty nifty, PLUS, it has a removable weekly pill organizer that snaps onto the spine! How cool is that?

To show my appreciation, I finally told Favorite Pharmacist about the time he put Monkey’s sticker on my hormone patches. He was, of course, mortified. I felt bad, but I couldn’t stop laughing.

Thanks, universe
Did I ever say thanks to all you pretty people for your kind words on my job disappointment post? Thank you very much. Many of you really touched me with your words… particularly the ones who are mourning the shoes with me.

Also, I got an email from a former client today about an upcoming project, wanting to know if I would be available. Go figure. Why yes, I am available! How lucky!

I’m a loser, but what a bargain!
Remember how, a while back, I said I’d never pay for a dating service? Well, I still think that’s true. That I wouldn’t. But I would let my mother buy me a 3-month membership with the fine folks over at geeFlarmony, because my prior experience taught me that they’re unlikely to ever, you know, actually FIND me anyone.

But you know, at some point during those three months, I may have emailed customer service on general principle. I just may have said, “Hello, geeFlarmony customer service. I have read your FAQ and I understand that this whole soulmate thing takes a while, but I’m thinking that not even getting a single email, ever, through your remarkable system means either that I am a total loser or that something is wrong with that system.”

And if I had done such a thing, it’s possible that customer service would’ve mailed back with a response that said “Blah blah blah blah patience dedication blah blah blah foolproof blah blah blah guarantee blah blah blah but perhaps if you redo the personality profile you’ll get more hits.”

If someone had said such a thing to me, I’m thinking I probably would’ve responded with, “Oh, so you would like me to lie and change my answers to make myself more matchable? That’s interesting.”

That’d be funny, huh? I’m sure that customer service would’ve rushed to ASSURE me that NO NO NO, they did not mean LIE, but you just NEVER KNOW, it had been a while, why not redo the profile, maybe the slight difference in answers just due to the passage of time would render me more matchable.

So I redid my profile and clearly my file was now flagged–they sent me a match (just one) the very next morning that wasn’t there the night before (it’s MAGIC!). Unfortunately, their patsy either sensed his impending doom or was already in a relationship, because he closed the match immediately, saying he was already in a relationship. And that was the end of that.

But my 3 months ended and I sent customer service a copy of the previous email and said, “Well, I didn’t get my guaranteed three matches. Actually, I never even got a single email. Hmmm.” And those nice people, who know in their heart of hearts that they are never going to match me with anyone, extended my membership by 3 months, free of charge. That was sweet. Then they suggested that I increase my search radius, because my current one “may be too limiting.” Riiiiight. I can see where limiting myself to ONLY FOUR STATES would really be the main problem, here.

So, uh, not too excited to be on board for another 3 months. But the penny-pincher in me is delighted.

Someday, when I die–alone, and unloved–people will shake their heads and say to one another…

… “Do you smell peppermint?”

18 Responses to “Unrelated, but peppermint-scented”

  1. 1
    Sheryl May 3, 2006 at 2:19 am #

    Emily’s party is this weekend too. Two drama queens having their 8th birthday parties on the same day– it’s like the harmonic convergence with cake!

    Don’t worry, that wealthy, brilliant, devoted, George Clooney look-alike, with the penchant for women with peppermint scented feet is going to open a fleaParmony account any day now.

  2. 2
    mommyontheverge May 3, 2006 at 2:19 am #

    when I go to bed with peppermint smelling feet, Husband says ‘what stinks in here?’
    I am very OCD too about party bags. I hate all that crap my kids get, so I will usually get the kids 2 good things, rather than 10 crappy ones. That’s fair, right?

  3. 3
    Marvo May 3, 2006 at 4:02 am #

    I say you should lie on your personality profile. Almost everyone on MySpace is doing it, so why shouldn’t you. If you get caught lying by geeFlarmony, the worst thing that would happen is getting your membership terminated, and since you wanted to cancel your membership, everything would turn out okay. But the best thing that would happen is that you would probably have a lot of matches, so you could probably pick and choose men, like in a police lineup. Wait, I used the wrong example there. :-(

  4. 4
    Lisa May 3, 2006 at 8:29 am #

    I’ve had great luck on that site, infact I met my future husband on there. It will happen, you will meet someone. Take care

  5. 5
    chris May 3, 2006 at 8:34 am #

    Are all the men stupid? How could they NOT see what a catch you are, peppermint feet and all.

    I’d totally pick you. And I mean it, you know if I were single and a man.

  6. 6
    Theresa May 3, 2006 at 9:30 am #

    I used something on my feet the other night, and I woke at 3am to find the dog licking my feet. She actually crawled under the comforter to get to them! I might try what you use (if you tell me what it is). The other stuff must smell like bacon or something.

  7. 7
    ben May 3, 2006 at 9:48 am #

    I’m wondering who wouldn’t want nunchucks as a party favor. That would rock.

    Sorry about the dating site thingy. That sucks. But only four states? C’mon, it’s like your heart isn’t in the search. American Idol does all 50, ya know?

  8. 8
    Nancy May 3, 2006 at 10:17 am #

    You should mention on your profile that while you may not have rings on your fingers and bells on your toes, you do have excellent dental hygene AND minty fresh feet.

    Those things can be hit or miss. I’ve known people who have hit it off and others who get attentions from one-armed men living with their mothers and who think “U and mees shood get it on!! LOL!”

    Hope the party goes swimmingly — I think the bags sound great.

  9. 9
    Stephanie Chance May 3, 2006 at 10:18 am #

    Maybe you should include on your profile that you can make a mean nose burger…

  10. 10
    Shash May 3, 2006 at 11:14 am #

    I’m OCD like that party bag thing myself. Those bags get trickier as they get older too.

    Never lower your standards, or change your profile. :)

    Have a great day! (and thanks fot the shoe tip!)

  11. 11
    Cele May 3, 2006 at 12:03 pm #

    Color coded binders, I am totally there. geeFlarmony sounds quite discouraging, and their customer service sounds nonexistant.

    Peppermint, that’s not bad think of the alternatives (and they are multi numerous)just ask Theresa and your feet will look every lovely and feel velvety to the touch when GeeFlarmony finally has someone sitting on your doorstep.

    Oh I am so glad to not have to figure out birthday parties anymore, the two I planned were disasterous. My poor daughter.

  12. 12
    Alexa May 3, 2006 at 12:51 pm #

    I vote for the ever-fun (but deadly!) Chinese Star as a party favor.
    And regarding GeeFlarmony, you may not be missing out on the matches. I got a passel of matches, but they were all (ALL!) 1. In the military and 2. Entirely lacking senses of humor. Of course this could say more about me than about the dating service…

  13. 13
    Jenn2 May 3, 2006 at 4:14 pm #

    1) Totally want to come to Chick’s birthday party. DQ is doing the spa sleepover…yawn. Numchucks or pedicure kits? Chucks everytime, baby!

    2) Still laughing about the geeflarmony thing. Back when I was a single mom, (5 years ago.) I let some talk me into pequally Polked, a “christian” dating service. Got one match, who, when he realized I couldn’t sleep with him, never called again.

    Mir, I met Mr. Clairol through a friend and we knew each other for two years before I ever thought of him like that. There is a fabulous someone out there, someone worthy of your wit and intelligence (and perky boobs! heh ;) Keep praying!

  14. 14
    Raven May 3, 2006 at 4:39 pm #

    Good luck with the Bday party. Wishing Chickadee a happy one.

    The dating thing NO COMMENT…

    And Friday the 12th you will probably be mad at me, but get over it.

  15. 15
    Susan May 3, 2006 at 5:26 pm #

    Friday’s Nose Burgers! ha ha ha!

    The first time I saw the trailers for the TLC show “Honey We’re Killing the Kids!” I read it as a threat or a plan–you know, in the way I will say, “If he does that again, we’re auctioning him on eBay!” And I thought it was . . . odd. Then I realized what was REALLY going on.

    Mmmm, nose burgers.

  16. 16
    Nic May 3, 2006 at 6:05 pm #

    Mmm! Minty fresh blogging! Yum. I too tried the GeeHarmony and was given a half dozen choices, none of whom were anyone I would be interested in. I was wondering if they had mixed my profile with someone else’s. Now when they send me conjoling emails to come back to their flock, I give them the stinkeye and delete. Better luck with yours Mir.

  17. 17
    Brenda May 3, 2006 at 7:38 pm #

    What happened to T,D&H? The world is waiting!

  18. 18
    anom May 4, 2006 at 12:34 pm #

    I found my husband there…seriously though, it does take time.

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