March 19, 2006 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

I’m trying this new thing. It’s very revolutionary; I don’t know if you’ve heard of it.

It’s called living in the present. Have you tried it? It’s WILD!

But lord, it is WORK. Hard work. Good hard work, but still. When I’m not living in the past, I’m fretting about the future. This whole present thing does not come naturally to me. At all.

It requires a boatload of motivation, which–at the moment–I have*. We’ll see if it’s enough.
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March 18, 2006 | I'm dating the television

I mean it. I totally SHOULD be a movie critic, except for the part where I hardly ever see movies. Minor technicality.

But when I DO see movies, I’m always just! so! excited! And I hear that enthusiasm is really more important than expertise, in many things. Perhaps that’s true for movie reviews. Maybe not. You can be the judge. Just so long as you agree that I am right.

This weekend I have already seen TWO movies! This represents an eighty kajillion percent increase over… ummm… every other weekend. So much excitement… I just don’t know. It might not be good for my health. So far, I’m bearing up remarkably well under the strain. However, if by some stroke of fate I end up seeing ANOTHER movie tomorrow? I’m pretty sure it will create a rift in the space-time continuum.
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Detritus

Oh my word, that was fun. Y’all are so pretty! And clever!

Honorable “if only you knew how to count the syllables” Mention to my father, for his freeform not-haiku:

clean floors avoid
tripping over iambic pentameters
haikus rule

(Dad wins a lovely “Now I Can Count” board book.)

Honorable “I would love to give you an award but since I know you in real life I’m thinking you should be disqualified on some sort of nepotism clause” Mention to Zuska, for her lyrical haiku:

Ah! Like winter snow,
the dust has made a landscape
so serene. Why clean?

(Zuska wins, um, my admiration!)

And…
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March 16, 2006 | Detritus

I am gripped with spring cleaning fever, even though it’s not spring and I hate to clean. It’s just that every so often I reach saturation on the amount of clutter in my house and become a small tasmanian devil with The Garbage Bag of Doom.

The children do not like The Garbage Bag of Doom, for it signals the end of many of their most significant relationships. I get into this mode, I’m all about shovelling away the random drawings, magazine clippings, happy meal toys, etc. As I gradually uncover actual surfaces, I whip out the Fantastik and wipe down the newly discovered tabletops. And then! It smells nice! And looks nice! And I am happy!

So, in my toxic fume euphoria, I’ve decided to share the joy. Let’s have a contest!
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March 15, 2006 | Retail Therapy

Everyone has things that they do to relieve stress, right? Me, I like to shop. But you know, if I shopped as often as I was stressed, I would be broke. Broker than I already am, I mean. Also my already cluttered house would fill up with stuff, I suppose. Like many, many pairs of pointy-toed shoes.

So, I often go shopping and come home empty-handed. Just because. But on busy days, I cannot just go out shopping. I can, however, use my beloved internet to do some virtual shopping! Online! In my pajamas! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Today I did a little online browsing at a store which I adore and may have also stolen borrowed some graphics from for the purposes of illustration. You know, the latest online retail craze is elaborate and irreverent descriptions to accompany items for sale. (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Check out woot! or Daily Zort.) I’d like to see that trend spread.
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March 14, 2006 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

People. GEEZ. Get your minds out of the gutter, please. (Amy-Go, I AM LOOKING AT YOU.) I appreciate all of your fine suggestions and even the chuckles I gleaned from all the innuendo, but seriously. Y’all need to get out a bit more often. And if someone like ME is saying that to YOU, well, that’s way beyond irony all the way over to ridiculous. Just sayin’.

(More on that stuff in a bit. You were naughty and now you have to wait, while you think about what you did.)

But first! Other things!
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March 13, 2006 | Friends

You know, this whole Blogging for Books thing has been a LOVELY little contest that sometimes brings out amazing and/or unexpected pieces of writing from the far corners of the blogosphere. That’s not even mentioning how actual! published! authors! have been stepping up with their time and their shiny, shiny books as prizes. I myself really luuuurve my copy of Mother Shock that I won, um, back in the Pleistocene when we had the first B4B contest.

ANYWAY! You must go read about this month’s Blogging for Books contest and then you must 1) tell all your friends, 2) enter, 3) tell some more people, and 4) try not to snort your beverage of choice when you get to Joshilyn’s astute observation about condoms which has nothing to do with the contest but still, is quite amusing. Last month the contest wasn’t all it could be and I know there are plenty of us who would be sad to see it die. So. GO! Read! Enter!

Also, I’m aware that this isn’t much of an entry. It is late and I am tired and Chickadee was home from school today. For the first half of the day she obligingly lay on the sofa, warm with fever and sipping juice and watching cartoons. For the second half of the day she looked for new and interesting ways to bug the everloving CRAP out of me, and might I just say, that girl is a PRODIGY. So. I am trying to finish up WORK work and do not have time to tell you about my laundry and whatnot, other than to point out that I think I washed everything I OWN today. That will have to tide you over (TIDE! get it? GET IT??) for now.

Oh! But! Extra special bonus below the fold….
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March 12, 2006 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Exchanges I have participated in today, filtered through the lens of complete anonymity to protect those involved: [Not that anyone needs any protection, per se, but after all it adds to the fun because there’s a limitless number of possibilities for you, the reader, as you imagine where each exchange may have taken place. It’s like those Choose Your Own Adventure books! But with a blog!]
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March 11, 2006 | What do I do all day?

The weather alone was enough to make today a remarkable sort of day. Winter needs to end, now. It’s TRYING. And even though I know that we will most likely have at least one more big snow before it ends for real, a day like today gives me hope.

It also gives me little muddy footprints all over my nice clean floor. Oh well.

But before that, it gives me children who rise at the butt-crack of dawn because strange and unusual things are happening, such as:
A) Sunlight! In the morning! Like, early!
B) Birds singing!
C) Tingling kiddie-sense that maybe Mama is dying to sleep in!
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March 10, 2006 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Monkey: *loud, prolonged snuffling and snorting*
Me: Ack, STOP THAT! Do you need a tissue?
Monkey: Not anymore!