August 16, 2005 | Detritus, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

The Top Ten Reasons Why I Am The Obvious Salon Choice:

10) My haircuts are free.
9) I tell you how cute you are while I’m trimming. I’ll warn you to close your eyes so I can blow on your face to get the little pieces of hair off.
7) And sneak a kiss then, too.
6) You don’t have to wear shoes.
5) Or pants.
4) If you get thirsty during the cut, I’ll squirt you in the mouth with the spray bottle as many times as you want.
3) Sometimes I pretend the clippers are attacking me.
2) There is almost always candy afterwards.

And the number 1 reason…

1) Do you know any other stylists who carry you to the shower afterwards and remind you to wash your ears?

I rest my case.

8 Responses to “Bite me, Supercuts”

1. dad Says:
   August 16th, 2005 at 9:08 am

   What, no sound effects intimating that the clipper is an airplane about to buzz a target of overgrown, snaggled hair?
   Oh, a reminder. Never give a haircut to anyone over, say five years old, unless you’re in love with him.

   dad

2. Summer Says:
   August 16th, 2005 at 9:18 am

   What about videos? I’m the designated stylist for miniature people in this household because I know which Thomas the Tank Engine video is currently the most engrossing.

   Any hints on how to make little men stay still during haircuts? I’ve gotten quite good at doing little-boy haircuts in the last two years, but it’s a tough job when the head I’m working on won’t stay still. My son is currently sporting a near-bald stripe near his left ear because he leaned into the clippers while I was trimming. It doesn’t reflect at all on my haircutting expertise, I swear. Should I try bribing him with candy?

   Supercuts can bite me, too. The last time that I went there (in desperate straights) I asked for my usual shaggy pixie ‘do and walked out looking like a Little League third baseman. My hair was too short to lie down for weeks. Awful.

3. Jules Says:
   August 16th, 2005 at 9:25 am

   Ohhhh!!! ME ME ME ME MEEEE!! I wanna hair cut!!!

   ..ohh…wait..

   *rubs bald head*

   …maybe I’ll just hang out for the shower

4. ben Says:
   August 16th, 2005 at 10:18 am

   Sign me up!!!

   I badly need a haircut. And the shower thing sounds like a nice bonus…

5. Colleen Says:
   August 16th, 2005 at 12:45 pm

   You sound like a lot of fun. I want YOU to cut my hair!!!

6. Bob Says:
   August 16th, 2005 at 2:18 pm

   I think you have discovered your true calling. Service with the personal touch. You’ll be rich.

7. udge Says:
   August 16th, 2005 at 3:58 pm

   I sense a great business opportunity here… too bad you already have a job After you in the shower, Ben.

8. Kathy Says:
   August 22nd, 2005 at 3:19 pm

   This was just too funny! I stumbled on your blog via Tish’s blog. Can’t wait to read more!