July 20, 2005 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

The thing about some of your more nerdy areas of study is that SOMEONE realized, somewhere along the way, that there would perhaps have to be a greater draw for folks than, say, the joys of higher-order calculus or what have you. Sure, some folks would be drawn to these professions no matter what. But for others, there would have to be some bennies.

Which is why the very geekiest scientists have technical conferences in Hawaii. Woo!

So, once upon a time I was married to a science geek, and he was sent to Maui to present a paper at a conference. His trip was paid for, and all we had to do was pony up for a single plane ticket. And then we were off; headed for paradise.
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July 19, 2005 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Wow, nothing gets the crickets chirping like a grown woman crying her eyes out. Half my readership, struck silent in an instant! And for my next trick, I shall hurl racial epithets while trying to convert you to the Church Of Pitypartiology!

Or not. Because, um, there may just not be enough crickets in the world for that.

Anyway, your indulgence is/was much appreciated. I’m not quite through wallowing, but I’ll do my best to keep it to a minimum. Over the last few days I was blind-sided not once, not twice, but THREE times (a laaaadyyyyyy…) (apparently, for me, a symptom of distress is the inability to shut off snippets of bad songs in my head). They say bad things come in threes, so at least I don’t have to wait for anything else to blow up on me. Still, the suckage factor? This one goes all the way up to eleven. (If you don’t know the reference, you are dead to me.)

I’d love to hit the REWIND button and undo it all, but given that that’s not an option anyone has offered me, I’ve decided to just stop eating, instead. Seems less messy and more economical.

Haha! See, I’m more jovial already! And totally sort of kidding! And if you’re thinking of lecturing me I’m actually all the way kidding!
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July 18, 2005 | Friends

If I close my eyes, the part of my mind that is adrift will actually impose an undercurrent of motion on my senses. It’s a slight but steady pull. My eyes always pop open before it gets so strong that I’m washed away. But I’m tired, you know. Bone tired. And when I’m too tired to lift my eyelids again, I half-expect I will be taken out to sea.

It must be the rain.

Anyway, if you thought I was in a jovial mood this morning, you shoulda been around this afternoon! Murphy has a bone to pick with me. I don’t know what I did to anger him so, but it was a doozy. I don’t think he’s done with me yet, either.

But that’s not what’s on my mind. I mean, yes, it’s on my mind every single nanosecond, but that’s not what I want to tell you about.
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My name is Grumplestiltskin

I brought cookies in to work today, but you can’t have any. I’m mad at just about everyone. No one here at work has pissed me off lately, so they get cookies. Also, if they’re busy eating cookies, they may not notice that I am about three unkind words away from spontaneous combustion.

And these are really good cookies, so I should be safe for a little while.
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July 16, 2005 | What do I do all day?

Monkey’s birthday is in January–which sucks badly enough, for him, because it’s so close to Christmas–and I have a horrible history of presenting him with birthday presents he can’t run out and use. It seems like a good idea, giving a kid a motorized child-sized Jeep or a bike or something for his birthday. But not in January. That poor child is now resigned to receiving something really cool, looking outside at the snow, looking back at his cool warm-weather gift, and sighing. Loudly.

I’m a slow learner. I recently ran across an amazing deal on this baby. Perfect for Monkey’s birthday! I ordered. It arrived this week. I realized that he might enjoy, say, playing with it NOW while he still could. So I threw mean-mama caution to the wind and said, “HEY! I bought you this for your birthday but let’s play with it now!”

The children keeled over and died from the shock of such indulgence from me. I think I may have been offended. But mostly I was too busy administering CPR to think about it too much.
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Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Do I really have the right to say “take your finger out of your nose” to a child whom I’ve allowed to spend the entire morning watching cartoons in nothing but his underwear?

Discuss.

July 14, 2005 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

Every now and then I get a message in a fortune cookie that I feel compelled to save. I’m not a superstitious person; the reasons that I hang on to those little white slips of paper vary. Prophetic is good, but ironic or funny is even better.

While I was still unemployed I pulled “You will soon change careers” from a cookie. I tacked it up on my computer monitor. The months dragged on and I had to conclude that the translator had egg foo yung for brains. Still–it was a genuine fortune, which was a nice change from the usual “statement cookies” that are so pervasive nowadays.

Today at lunch I happily munched my way through my favorite Chinese food. Down at the other end of the lunch table, a lively debate about a current project gained momentum and volume. I ate and half-listened and mentally went over my to-do list for this weekend. At last the time to head back to my desk drew near, and I grabbed a cookie to delay the return to the grind.
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July 13, 2005 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I have spoken here, more than once, about how important I believe it is for kids to have structure and stability and routine. Particularly for my, uh, “challenging” child, who oftentimes acts out when her expectations are disrupted.

So it made perfect sense to schedule a different activity every single freaking week for the entire Summer.

(I don’t do crack, I just play a crackhead on TV!)

Yeah, it wouldn’t have been my first choice in a perfect world. But between trips out of town and visits from grandparents and the various costs and restrictions of our care options, this is how it worked out. Much to my amazement–so far, so good. Generally.

This week the kids are attending Cool Camp on the Lake.
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July 12, 2005 | Job? Huh?

One of the problems with, you know, having a job in a place where there are ultimately some sort of customers, is that–sooner or later–if you’re an intolerant snob (such as myself), you will eventually arrive at the inescapable conclusion that People Are Stupid.

And yes, even Stupid People (heck, sometimes ESPECIALLY Stupid People) contribute to the great “Circle of Life” known as “My Paycheck,” so it’s hard to complain about them without sounding ungrateful and bitchy. This will not deter me, of course, because I’m already well aware that I’m ungrateful and bitchy.

And maybe–just maybe–there’s a force at work here which someone can explain to me. Maybe People Are Confusing or People Are Mysterious or even People Are Working On An Important Secret Mission That Closely Mimics People Being Very Stupid and once I’ve been enlightened, I will be forced to admit the error of my ways. I’m willing to be educated.
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July 11, 2005 | At least he pays child support

Loyal readers may have noticed I haven’t blogged about my ex in quite a while. Did you happen to wonder why that is?

Maybe he’s been so horrible, it was too embarrassing to even consider writing about his antics.

Maybe he’s just sort of faded back into the background; not troublesome, but barely even present. Forgettable.

Maybe I’ve finally matured to the point where WHATEVER he does just doesn’t matter to me.

Nope, nope, and I haven’t even matured to the point where I can keep a straight face while my children sing about boogers, so, um, NO.

The reason is that I haven’t been able to wrap my brain around recent events. But I’m gonna try. (If it doesn’t work, I’ll teach you the booger song.)
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