September 17, 2004 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony
This is Mir. This is Mir wrangling children on a school morning before she’s had some caffeine. Any questions?
Me: Put that Polly down and get yourself downstairs to eat right now!
Her: But she wants to come too!
Me: FINE. But get down here.
Him: Vitamin! Vitamin! Vitamin! Vitamin!
Me: I’m getting it, buddy.
Her: Mama! Come look!
Me: What? No! Come down here!
Him: Gimmegimmegimmegimme!
Her: Mama! You have to see!
*Monkey drops his vitamin on the floor*
Me: Chickadee! Has Polly done something amazing and stupendous that is far more amazing and stupendous than all the things she did upstairs? Did she come to life? Is she wielding a little knife? If the answers to these questions are “no,” I don’t care.
*Monkey drops his vitamin on the floor*
Me: Put that in your mouth right now or I’m going to put it in your ear.
Her: Nooooo! But she did something you can’t do! She did a double flip down the stairs and you couldn’t do that!
Me: Yeah, well, that’s because I’m not made of plastic.
